My Christmas wish.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

OK. This is my lame attempt at blogging (and WHY for the love of all that's holy will the italics not turn off? seriously. Its buggin'! Big time) ... Since I am busy baking, and watching movies with the kidlets, and hanging with my friends and family... I decided to pull from my archives. I know. I know. I promised I would never do that... but seeing how most of you weren't aware I was alive or even reading me back in the dark ages... I decided it would be OK.
Just this once.
Or twice.

This was originally posted HERE... like 3 years ago. It was originally sent to me in an email... and frankly, it describes my life to a tee.

Have a Merry Christmas, all my blogging friends!

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my four children on demand, visited their doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my son's boy scout uniform with staples and a glue gun. (really. I did!)

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month two pregnancies ago.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with three kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season.

Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.

It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,

P.S. One more can cancel ALL my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

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16 monkeys jumping on the bed:

  1. Kim said...

    Thanks for bringing this out of the archives. I can so relate to the purple legs, the waist and coercement of help around the house.

    I needed the laugh today. Thank you

  2. devri said...

    thanks for that,

    Wish you and yours a Mery Christmas and a safe Holiday.

  3. Annette Lyon said...

    It was new to me--and I laughed and laughed.

  4. Barbaloot said...

    I laughed all the way through-and then read the last sentence. How sweet:)

  5. Jillene said...

    That was GREAT!! I hope that you and your family have a VERY Merry Christmas!!

  6. Merrianne said...

    you are so funny! :) that is why i love you!!!!

    ♥ I really hope you have a VERRRRY MERRRY CHRISTMAS! ♥

  7. Tammy said...

    Too many times we don't appreciate the time we have with our kids at the ages they are at. The fingerprints on the windows are now larger, the gifts they desire at Christmas involve "Edward" and electronics, their belief in Santa still exists, though it lives now in my memory. Enjyo the time you have!! great post! Even if you are serving leftovers!!! merry Christmas!!!

  8. Thorny Tree Lady said...

    LMHO - I'd never seen that before. Then, like Barbaloot above, I read the last line and cried. I think this is the last year for one of my kids - he's already asking questions.

    Merry Christmas - have a great time with your fam. And can I steal this for my site???

  9. flip flop mama said...

    Love it! And Merry Christmas!!

  10. Mother Goose said...

    roflrofl, this is funny!! merry christmas to you and thanks for sharing!

  11. Tink said...

    I LOVE it! And you are right, I didn't know you back during the post, so I'm glad you re-posted it! Great wish list! Have a wonderful and blessed Christmas!

  12. Sher said...

    I'm back, with a Dramamine hangover, and a splitting headache.
    And yet, I'm sitting here blogging, because my kids slept all the way home, and are wired, so I can't have a nap. And I'm gonna need one for tomorrow.
    There's my whine for the day.
    Thanks again for sitting by my kids on Sunday!

  13. Nana said...

    That letter was great. I always have to fix my posts at least 15 times. The lettering is not right.
    I can't spell. The spacing is going crazy. I don't make sense. I could go on and on. Cute Blog.
    Merry Christmas.

  14. mindyluwho said...

    I'm so glad you reposted, that was hilarious...and oh so true!

    Merry Christmas! I hope Santa brings you what you wish for!

  15. Mechelle said...

    So glad you re-posted this! It took me about a day to read it, for every time I sat down, someone was calling me away. Fitting isn't it?

    You don't have the refrigerator with the secret compartment? It is the best, but sometimes it gets cold. Just on long calls. m

  16. FluffyChicky said...


    Hope you have a wonderful Christmas!!