The Burbs - Real life

Sunday, February 21, 2010

*pulled from the archives*

Have you seen this movie? The Burbs with Tom Hanks? Yeah. Totally my parents and I am not even kidding.

They have these neighbors that used to live behind them and they were convinced these guys were Meth dealers. Whenever the guys (Because it was all single guys living there) would go out in the backyard to "play" my Dad would get out his binoculars and stand in his kitchen spying watching them.

And you wondered where I get my weird genes from?

It got really strange when the dudes started adding on to their shed in the backyard. In the middle of the night. They added a second wing. And then a third. They had a satellite dish on the roof. They would spend hours upon hours--into the wee hours of the morning-- in that mac-daddy shed. All of this according to my Dad, the spy.

Purportedly, the Meth heads would bring bottles out of the shed with liquid in them. Apparently, you could hear banging from the shed, and women screaming. All in the middle of the night.

One night, my Dad tried to pull a James Bond and sneak up on them. All in the name of spying. He went out the front door, into the backyard and army crawled across our back yard to the fence they shared so he could spy. Only he's not James Bond, he's SIXTY and they totally busted him. He made it back inside before they could give him a smack bottom.

We kept asking them why they didn't just call the cops go knock on their doors and introduce themselves. That's what normal people do, anyway.

Then one night, they were gone. Just like that. Gone. So long. Fare-well. Buh-bye.

My parents were still convinced that they were up to no good. So, during one of our family parties, guess what I did?


I totally went out to the wood shed.

I drove around the block, I parked in front of the house and started snooping around. I was a regular little Nancy Drew. My heart was racing 900 miles a minute as I approached that wood shed. What if we opened that door and found a dead body? Or... or... Or something worse.

Like two dead bodies.

I opened that door and there were no dead bodies. There was, however, shelves and cable outlet boxes and mirrors. Lots and lots of full length mirrors.

Oh. And a security system on the door.

I got a little scared and ran away... After taking my photo peeking over the fence at my Dad.

Now, instead of standing in his kitchen with the binoculars, my Dad sits on his front porch with the binoculars. And we bust open watermelons with the garage door.

Totally the Burbs.

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19 monkeys jumping on the bed:

  1. Kado! said...

    Hmmm....Lots of full length mirrors....maybe a HUGE coke party??? LOL!

    that is funny....I love that movie just watched it again a little while back....cracks me up!

  2. Shellie said...

    my mom would have a field day with that too! I don't know how many times she's called the cops because she suspects her neighbors being up to no good.

    and the mirrors!!! fuhreaky!

    oh and love your background!

  3. Kim said...

    I will have to watch the movie now. Wish I had funny stories like this one to tell my kids.

    Oh, the fun memories.

  4. Cynthia said...

    I've still got Will Ferrell screaming in my head "Get off the shed!" (have you seen that one?)

    Perhaps they were providing 'services' in the shed for local, lonely women? Yikes!

    Your Dad cracks me up. He needs a telescope like my Dad has. You can look more innocent if you're out there at night with a telescope.

  5. M-Cat said...

    I totally need to see the movie now.
    And wow - I would guess cooking meth, but you would have smelled it and that doesn't explain the cables and full lenght mirrors. And the satellite dish?

    I suspect some porn producing.

    Our neighbors son built a "shed" in the back but just so he could go smoke pot. Seems kinda tame now......

    Oh yeah, and the thought of your 60 year old dad army crawling across the backyard will have me giggling all day today!!

  6. wonder woman said...

    So I'm thinking that Estelle is this man's daughter, and "Motherboard" is just a cover. Clark Kent/Superman-like.

    I bet the guys were dancers.

  7. Lene said...

    That is what my husband is going to grow up to be...Your Dad, not the freaky shed dudes. If anything is out of the ordinary in our neighborhood it drives him CrAzY.

  8. Sher said...

    OMG! I haven't seen that movie in years!
    And I seriously need to meet your parents!
    That is too funny!!

  9. Andrea said...

    Kind of disappointed, I thought that this was going to be a post about their crazy neighbors. Cause they totally are!~ But it was a good post anyway! So, are they like gone for good gone?

  10. Jillene said...

    hehe!! They were totally making porn--well at least that's what it appears.

  11. Kristina P. said...

    I laughed out loud at the part where your dad went all army man and was busted. I'm surprised they didn't shoot him and leave him for dead!

  12. Jami said...

    Ew! Scary. And funny. Like The Burbs.

    When we moved in to our house there was the word help scratched on a low corner of the inside of the scary shed. I've always wondered...

  13. annie valentine said...

    I'll tell you right now, that story makes my husband's stories sound stupid. You're dad rocks.

    And I don't think it was a meth lab, but I would bet you could find "proof" of their existence on the world wide web's favorite x-rated sites.

  14. Sarah said...

    AWESOME!!!!! It sounds a lot like my neighborhood... without the meth heads I mean.

  15. Amber Lynae said...

    I don't want to know what was going on in the shed. Your dad army crawling at Brave soul.

  16. Heather of the EO said...

    That is so freaking funny.

    I live next door to guys like this. Except not quite this extreme. And they're nice and friendly and stuff. The lady on the other side of them though? Totally a thousand theories on what kind of stuff they're into, including meth. But I doubt it. It's not THAT exciting :)

  17. Rachel Sue said...

    I'm still giggling about the 60 year old man army crawling across the backyard. . .

  18. AS Amber said...

    First, Jami's comment wigged me out a little.

    Oh my gosh that is so funny. I can totally see you all Nacy Drew'in it! The theme music from Pink Panther plays in my head as I picture you sneaking into the shed....

    Now I need to see that movie again. It's been forever.


  19. Momnerd said...

    LOL, hilarious! I love that movie! Sounds like your parents neighborhood might be getting a little more boring......