Monday, December 14, 2009
You mean you haven't ever thought about getting a testimony of Google? Oh my, my my. People. Google. It's amazing. I seriously wonder HOW we ever did anything without it. I mean seriously, you ask a question and within 2.4 seconds you have 10 pages of answers, listing best to worst.
Everyone needs a Google Testimony. Here is a simple guide on how you can gain your very own personal testimony. Of Google.
1. Give your 21 month old baby a box of crayons
2. Let the baby play with the crayons while you answer your emails.
3. Baby starts crying with her finger up her nose.
4. You take the finger out and try and console her, but she keeps crying and all you can catch is "nose".
5. You then notice all the broken crayons, and tip the baby upside down and catch a glimpse of the purple crayon as its sniffed higher into the nose.
6. Freak out a little because Hello! There's a purple crayon in your baby's nose.
7. Remember your sisters boy put a popcorn kernel in his ear and she used the vacuum to get it out.
8. Get out the vacuum hose, turn it on, hold Moxie down, and watch Moxie fall completely apart as you hold the vacuum hose up to her nose and wonder why the heck is she freaking out?
9. Realize HELLO! Moxie thinks you're trying to suck her brain out of her nose, so you quit trying.
10. Call sister because you're starting to freak out because Moxie has A PURPLE CRAYON up her nose and you do not want to go to the ER.
11. Sister Googles "kid stuck crayon up her nose, how do you get it out" and tells you to have Moxie blow her nose. Remind sister Moxie is only 21months old.
12. Sister then tells you that Google says to use a vacuum. Yeah. Tried that one too.
13. Sister then tells you to plug her unplugged nose, and then blow into her mouth. That should dislodge the purple crayon.
14. You plug Moxie's unplugged side, leaving the crayon side open and then blow into her mouth. Only you don't just blow, you BLOW. In fact you blow so hard that the crayon SHOOTS across the room.
15. Moxie looks at you and says "Tank -Ooo, Mama!"
And, that's my testimony of Google. Amen.