How to gain a testimony of Google

Monday, December 14, 2009

Have you ever wondered how to gain your own personal testimony of Google?

You mean you haven't ever thought about getting a testimony of Google? Oh my, my my. People. Google. It's amazing. I seriously wonder HOW we ever did anything without it. I mean seriously, you ask a question and within 2.4 seconds you have 10 pages of answers, listing best to worst.

Everyone needs a Google Testimony. Here is a simple guide on how you can gain your very own personal testimony. Of Google.



1. Give your 21 month old baby a box of crayons

2. Let the baby play with the crayons while you answer your emails.

3. Baby starts crying with her finger up her nose.

4. You take the finger out and try and console her, but she keeps crying and all you can catch is "nose".

5. You then notice all the broken crayons, and tip the baby upside down and catch a glimpse of the purple crayon as its sniffed higher into the nose.

6. Freak out a little because Hello! There's a purple crayon in your baby's nose.

7. Remember your sisters boy put a popcorn kernel in his ear and she used the vacuum to get it out.

8. Get out the vacuum hose, turn it on, hold Moxie down, and watch Moxie fall completely apart as you hold the vacuum hose up to her nose and wonder why the heck is she freaking out?

9. Realize HELLO! Moxie thinks you're trying to suck her brain out of her nose, so you quit trying.

10. Call sister because you're starting to freak out because Moxie has A PURPLE CRAYON up her nose and you do not want to go to the ER.

11. Sister Googles "kid stuck crayon up her nose, how do you get it out" and tells you to have Moxie blow her nose. Remind sister Moxie is only 21months old.

12. Sister then tells you that Google says to use a vacuum. Yeah. Tried that one too.

13. Sister then tells you to plug her unplugged nose, and then blow into her mouth. That should dislodge the purple crayon.

14. You plug Moxie's unplugged side, leaving the crayon side open and then blow into her mouth. Only you don't just blow, you BLOW. In fact you blow so hard that the crayon SHOOTS across the room.

15. Moxie looks at you and says "Tank -Ooo, Mama!"

And, that's my testimony of Google. Amen.


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23 monkeys jumping on the bed:

  1. TJ said...

    I also have a testimony of google, but tank-ooo for sharing yours, it helped strenghten mine.

  2. Cynthia said...

    Hilarious! (at least AFTER the fact when it turned out okay). You certainly painted a great visual with this post. There is NOTHING a Mama won't do for her baby.

    We lucked out- the only up-the-nose drama was with my son and it was some sort of candy. By the time I got him into the doctor, the thing had disolved on it's own. It made the most lovely blue-green snot.

  3. Barbaloot said...

    Wow-I've never had to google an emergency quite like that, but I definitely rely heavily on the wonderfulness that is google. Glad your baby is okay:)

  4. 2busy said...

    LOL! I can just visualize that little crayon shooting across the room. Gotta love google, it's a lot cheaper than a trip to the doctor.

  5. Andrea said...

    Amen.

  6. Lara said...

    Google rocks.

    Thanks for the laugh this morning...but I only laughed because all's well that ends well. :)

  7. Jessica G. said...

    Completely awesome! And what makes it more so? It didn't happen to me. :)

  8. DeNae said...

    Oh my word, that child is certainly giving you a lot of chances to...um...grow!!

    I am laughing out loud (refusing to textify that phrase) at the image of you "blowing" Moxie's nose.

    The "tank-oo" is darling beyond words, however. Nature knows she has to make them almost deliciously irrestible at this age or they'd never make it to five!

    Heart you, and that crazy Moxie!!

  9. Sher said...

    Oh. My. Hell! I wish I'd seen this one in action!

    p.s. I have a very, very strong testimony of Google. Just sayin.

  10. Sher said...

    p.s. how's the thingy that I ditched go last night? did the windows break?

  11. heather said...

    That is the best testimony of google builder story ever.

  12. Mina said...

    Best story I've heard all week. Google is amazing. I think it's a human knock-off of the urim and thummim. I'm always amazed how I can type in a long, meandering sentence of a question and get thirty answers in seconds. I just want to say how grateful I am for google in my life. I don't know where I'd be today without it ...

  13. michelle said...

    Oh, my goodness!So funny! After the fact of course. So glad Google was there for you and Moxie!

  14. Miranda said...

    I just got all warm and fuzzy...A.MEN and then I literally laughed out loud and had to tell EVERYONE in the office.

  15. The B's said...

    Laughing so hard, I am crying!!! Quite a testimony there!

  16. M-Cat said...

    Just picturing it all, made me pee little!

  17. kado! said...

    i *heart* google!

    how did parents survive before??? or even help their 5th grader with math??? ...not that I have used google it for that.... ;)

  18. Jami said...

    Tank-oo, Motherboard, that was hilarious.

  19. Amber Lynae said...

    Suspense and laughter this post has it all. Poor moxie. Thank goodness for google. I think everyone would google, or swagbucks. I swagbusks because it is google with benefits. But yes Google is a miracle. Tank-oo.

  20. Charlotte said...

    I love google more than is seemly. Although, you learn to be careful what you google for. If a skunk ever enters your house, don't google "how to get skunk out of house" because all it will talk about it the smell and you will be even more freaked out.

  21. Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

    I would stand at the pulput and bear my testimony of Google but someone already gave their testiomoy of a current movie--and it was a MOM! and I don't want to encroach on her weirdness.


    But, in my heart of hearts, I do believe.

  22. AS Amber said...

    Are you bloody freaking kidding me????? That is one of the most incredible stories I've ever heard. Ever. And I've heard some doozies.

    I can't even imagine the FREAKING OUT Harley would be doing if I took the vacuum hose to his face. He'd still be hysterical.

    I can't believe blowing in her mouth worked. That's crazy.

    I'm speechless. Although from the lenght of this comment, you can't really tell.

    Love your guts and my darling daughter-in-law's, too!

  23. Liz said...

    I have just discovered your blog and my sides hurt so much from laughing! You totally rock. I, too, have a testimony if google. I wonder, now, what we did before it. Thank you so much for sharing your stories from all areas of your life with us.