Wednesday, December 16, 2009
2. Your baby dumps the gigantic bag of jumbo Costco cereal all over the floor. You look around to make sure the imaginary nanny cam isn't watching, and you scoop the cereal up and put it back in the bag.
3. The remaining cereal that was on the floor longer than the 30 second rule would allow gets swept into a pile. Then, rather than put it in the garbage, you call the dog to come feast on the cereal goodness on the floor.
4. While in the public restroom doing your "business" your baby decides to climb under the door to the stall next to you. That's occupied. Before you can drag her back under to your stall, she asks your bathroom neighbor "what doing?"
5. Then because you've traumatized your baby by dragging her across the nasty bathroom floor, you hold her in your lap --while you're still doing your "business"--to stop the hysterical screaming. And, to keep her from doing it again.
6. Showering has become a communal event. The baby pounds on the shower door, sobbing. So rather than listen to her sob, and pound, you let her shower with you.
7. The TV is blaring Barney, Dora, Arthur, iCarly or some other equally painful child's show when you suddenly realize you are the only person home. And, you were actually enjoying it.
8. Your idea of a good day is showering. Alone. Before 5pm.
9. Your idea of eating out suddenly turns from Outback to McDonald's. And you like it because the kids have a playground. And no spare ribs to dip in your Diet Coke.
10. You find yourself wondering if you will pass the 4th grade, or 5th grade, or 8th grade. For the second time (and it's much harder this time 'round).
11. You're doing a downward dog with a kid riding piggy-back.
12. Your purse holds more toys, crackers, cars, binkies or babies than it does your own personal items.
13. When the kids are whining there's no more toilet paper you wonder what they're crying about. There's bum wipes in every bathroom. What more could they want?
14. You get everyone dolled up and to church on time. Once there you look down and realize you have on one blue shoe and one black shoe.
15. Your children look like mini Sherpa's because of all the paraphernalia they insist on dragging with them in the car. Even if it's just to go around the corner.