Why first Graders and Pom-pom's don't mix.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Just when I start thinking that kids are normal ,they go and do something that makes me wonder. Wonder what in the SAM freaking HILL were they thinking? Or, if they actually do think, or is that round ball on top of their heads just a hat rack?

I am beginning to wonder if the majority of all children should be riding the short bus.

I was in the school office last week, when a teacher brought in a hysterical 1st grader. Hysterical is actually an understatement. While the teacher was frantically calling the little girls mother, the rest of the staff was trying to figure out why she was in hysterics.

Then the office staff went into hysterics. All I caught was nose and pom-pom.

The lights then went off and I heard some major ding ding ding-ing.

I knew how to fix this problem.

I clapped my hands like the professional that I am and exclaimed "Never fear! Motherboard is here!"

I called for the industrial strength vacuum STAT. But visions of law suits began dancing in my head. Then I actually thought for one teeny-tiny second about having the little girl plug her nose while I breathed the breath of nose freedom into her mouth. But then the law suit vision happened again.

The child was hysterically sobbing and with every giant breath she took, that little pom-pom got sucked further and further up into her noggin.

I went to the little girl and told her all about Moxie and how just the day before she had put a purple crayon up her nose. I even told her how I tried to use the vacuum to suck the crayon out. Her eyes got as big as saucers, Then I told her she needed to stop crying that instant because every time she breathed in, that pesky pom-pom was getting ever closer to her brain.

Yes, I know. Not a good idea to tell a first grader that the pom-pom she stuffed up her nose is traveling to her brain.

But, you know what? She instantly stopped the howling and looked me in the eye as if I were the mighty Jedi Master and she was my trusty Padawan.

I remembered Google telling us that the second step to dislodging the crayon (or pom-pom) is to blow. So, I handed this girl a Kleenex and told her to start blowing like she wanted her brain to come right out nose. We blew and blew and blew some more.

No pom-pom.

I used my trusty handy-dandy pocket flashlight to see where that pom-pom was, and it was Right. There. But, when I used the tweezers (which was the first step), that pom-pom would pull a disappearing act. Birthing that pom-pom was proving to be more difficult that the great crayon debacle.

She started blowing like an elephant, when we suddenly heard a pop.

I was worried I was going to see her eyeballs. Or worse her brains.

Instead I saw that nasty, pesky orange pom-pom.

I gave her a big hug and told her this time she was lucky. The next time she put anything in her nose, it just might go all the way to her brain. So she needed to keep everything out of her nose. Including her finger.

Can you say Therapy?

This is why getting your own personal testimony of Google is essential. You never know when you'll have to get a pom-pom out of a First Graders nose.


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19 monkeys jumping on the bed:

  1. Sara said...

    hahaha....this is a great post and I needed a great laugh this early in the morning. My friends son actually put a jelly belly up his nose the day after Thanksgiving and after a trip to the ER they had her do Step 1. Kids do the strangest things!

  2. wonder woman said...

    Un. Stinkin'. Believable. Two nose dislodgments in one week? I think my children will be staying far away from you.

    But I do seriously appreciate the play-by-plays.

    p.s. Fear isn't always a bad thing. Neither is therapy. She'll be FINE.

  3. Barbaloot said...

    Did you really clap your hands and announce your presence? Cuz that created such a fun image in my head that I really need it to be true.

  4. Sher said...

    Mwa-hahahaha!!!!

    Therapy, indeed!

  5. 2busy said...

    Good thing you were there! Super Motherboard to the rescue!

  6. kado! said...

    You ARE the Jedi-Master!!!

    ...unfortunatly I too have googled how to get items out of kids noses...so I am well read on the subject...

  7. Jami said...

    Lucky child. Thank goodness you were there! Her mother will surely send you a cash reward as soon as she realizes that you cured her daughter of nose-picking.

  8. DeNae said...

    Gosh, MB, you're like the Lone Ranger! Or that guy from Kung Fu. Traveling from place to place, never staying in one town for very long, handing out tissues and warnings about the nose-to-brain connection and then moving on.

    It's so great when we discover a new talent, and then the Fates hand you multiple opportunities to share it!

  9. Carrie said...

    almost. peed. my. pants. while reading this. TOO funny. Thanks!

  10. This Girl loves to Talk said...

    my daughter stuck a pom pom up her nose.. I got it out with tweezers but it took FOREVER.. she was scared of doctors at the time (3), so didnt want to tramatise her more by taking here there!!

  11. This Girl loves to Talk said...

    oh and I have a testimony of google!! lol... my girls always say to any questions.. we could just type it in???

    to the all answering mythical answer finder......

  12. Circe said...

    Two nose debacles in one week...synchronicity? You are hysterical!

  13. Amber Lynae said...

    You have a special talent at unclogging noses. That girl is lucky that Motherboard was in the house to help her through.

  14. Shawn said...

    Tjis. Was. One. Of. The. Best. Posts. EVER!


    My daughter once shoved a sunflower seed up her nose---but we didn't know it, and she kept saying that her nose hurt---well, it just softened by itself and one day I found it stuck to the toilet paper in the bathroom---all squishy and gross---just hanging there on the toilet paper roll...

  15. Shawn said...

    Whoops! I meant "this"...

    duh.

  16. AS Amber said...

    Hahaha!!! That's awesome! I remember when Hayden was 3-ish and I heard him in the other room "sneezing". Like literally making the "a-chooo!" noise. But of course he was not really sneezing. He just knew he needed to sneeze. Because he'd been eating an apple and took a small piece of it and put it in his nose.

    What is it with kids and their fascination with those two holes above their mouth???

    Saturday + me = So excited!

    (WV: berph. "After blowing and tweezing the hysterical 1st grader gave berph to an orange pom-pom.

  17. Momza said...

    O. my.gosh. that is the funniest post I've read in a long long time!
    Bless her heart.

  18. M-Cat said...

    Kids are stupid. And you, my friend, are the all wonderful Jedi Motherboard!

    FUN.NEE story!

  19. Mo said...

    I had to show this one to Good-looking because I thought it was so funny. But, the "real mother" is just as good. We love your graphics.