I read this quote on Pinterest and just knew it had to be made into something pretty. It perfectly describes me, me thinks, and I doubt there will ever be anyone brave enough to try and tame me.

I am a wanderess, hear me roar.

Sleep escapes me tonight. Tossing and turning, my mind is trying to sweat away my troubles and fears. Finally, I rise and slowly make my way through the house, checking on each child to make sure they are breathing.

Stumbling down the stairs, I check each lock to make sure it is engaged. I walk my dog outside, plug in my white lights and sink into my favorite favorite camping chair. As I raise my eyes heavenward, I see the night sky on fire with the brightness of the stars -- as if each twinkle is a single wave, acknowledging my presence.

Being seen is a crazy thing. When you are invisible you can beg, plead, fight and cry for attention and it never happens. When you are finally seen? It is like a drug. You chase it, wanting to capture that feeling over and over again.

For years I have felt invisible, however, the stars reminded me that I am not. Somewhere, there is someone who will see me and will value me for being ME. Somewhere there is a person who cannot wait to talk to me, share every single minute with me, and I won't have to tug or pull to get them to want to connect.

Somewhere out there is a person who only wants to be with me, and no one else; talk to me, and no one else; share with me and no one else. Somewhere out there is a person who wants to be the last person I see when I close my eyes, and the first person I greet when they open again.

At least I hope that is true.

For the first time in years and years I feel hope, and I cling to it like its my only life line. I want to let go of my jaded, cyncial view of the world and believe for one tiny moment maybe a person really can live happily ever after.

And then I am gut punched back to reality by that same jaded, hardned self that I have been trying to shake. "That reality is for some, missy, but not for you", she says. "Lock it up, shut it down, and throw away the key. You, and only you can provide yourself with meaning and happiness."

I sigh a deep, sad sigh and stumble back to my bed. I stretch across it sideways and relish my freedom. And, acknowledge my aloneness.

Some poeple, I guess, are not meant for anything more than this: Confidence that they can not only survive, but thrive. Alone.

My dog and I have taken to running late at night, when the trail is empty except for the occasional stray cat or passing cyclist. We run down this long stretch, humming songs and slowly I begin to feel the worry leaving my soul. It takes me about 12 minutes to run from one gate to the next where I stop, catch my breath, and look at the night lights that have been hung in a distant yard. I find myself wondering about the people who took the time to decorate their backyard so pretty for those of us night owls out running. It’s like a little piece of heaven has been strung between the trees to assure you that yes, Elisa, there is a God and He does hear your silent prayers.

We turn around and begin to run our way back, my dog and I. I know that I am getting dangerously close to my favorite spot on my trail when I get to a specific song on my play list. I sprint the last quarter mile and run every last, little bit of stress out of my body that I can muster. Once the song ends, I slowly enter the best part of the trail.

It’s completely wooded, on both sides, and trees hug the trail in a tight embrace. It’s awesome during the hot, summer days, but at night? It’s incredible. The moon barely sneaks a peek at me, while I am on this portion of the trail. The darkness is encompassing.

Any normal person would be completely freaked out running into something that dark, and secluded, but not me. My music goes off, and I listen.

The only sounds I hear are the crescendo and decrescendo of the crickets, sometimes in harmony, serenading me as I pound past them. They rise and swell with each passing step, as if welcoming me home from my long hiatus. The wind blows and it adds to the song that is being created just for me. The rustling of the leaves through the trees; the faint roar of the crowd at the baseball field, and the pounding of my shoes as they hit the pavement. This is my song, the one being created on the spot just for me.

Every so often, I can hear the badonk, badonk, badonk of someone drifting too close to the edge of the interstate and the low hum of a passing freight train all while the bugs crescendo and promptly decrescendo—in harmony. It’s the perfect accompaniment as I work through the thoughts that are troubling my soul.

We keep running, my dog and I, and hear a sprinkler turn on and the chickens that live just off the trail bedding down for the night. My dog catches sight of our distant shadow and utters a low growl, while perking his ears to make sure that we are safe. And alone. Not once am I afraid. I feel at peace, here on my trail with my night sounds.

This .57 miles is the best part of my whole run. The loud stillness that surrounds me while I am decompressing is engulfing. Peaceful. It ends all too soon, and I am back under the street light, seeing the headlights of the passing cars. I peer at those lights, wondering who is in that car, and where they are going. Are they happy? Are they living a fulfilled life? Those questions and more fill my mind as I greet the passing lights.

I slowly turn around and repeat the .57 miles again, retracing my steps back home. The darkness swallows me whole and sometimes I wish I could stay there forever; Basking in the quiet solitude that I have found. Just me, my dog and the night sounds that serenade me.

I keep going, gaining more speed, feeling the wind hit my face and realize that I have a smile on my face. I have shed my worries and sorrows as I have run down that .57 miles and I am coming out the other side refreshed and reborn. I can face another day.

Until it’s time for my nightly ritual with the trail, the night sounds and my old dog.

 Hello my pretties. It's been a while since I checked in and had a little chat with all y'all. I don't know about you, but I miss you. I find writing to be so cathartic and cleansing. There's just something about putting words to paper that soothes and cleanses my soul.

Remember how I used to dump my random thoughts into this blog and hit you with some good tunes at the end? Well, settle in, because I've been musing and I've also got some great tunes for you.

***

I read a wonderful article that has come out in response to all the hullabaloo about this blog post and the evils of Frozen. In short, it says everything I got out of the movie, only better.

 Go give it a read and see if it doesn't leave you feeling uplifted and motivated to be a little better, forgive a little more and what you can't handle, give to The Master so it can be His problem to sort out.  Because at the end of the day, that's what doing all that we can do and then handing the rest to Jesus and saying "I can't deal with it any more, this has to be your problem" is all about. That's what we were sent her to learn how to do.

That's what the Atonement is all about, my friends.

Giving away our junk to the One who willing said "I will carry it for you, you just have to let me." It takes a conscience effort to "let it go" and give it to the One who accepted the assignment to carry our burdens for us. We don't have to carry our junk around, using it to protect us from all the ways people can (and will) hurt us. It's not only unhealthy, its essentially rejecting what Christ did for each of us.

When we refuse to "let it go" we are in essence saying "what you did for me, Jesus, wasn't enough. I need something more. Something better."   

All too often, I think we forget that the Atonement is so much more than just saying you're sorry when you do something wrong. It's more than just "repenting." It's the only way to peace and freedom. It's not our job to worry and carry this stuff around, another has already paid the ultimate price for us and it is our responsibility to give Him our burdens so we don't have to be burdened.

I have heard it said that using the Atonement doesn't mean that you have to keep letting people in that will hurt you. I disagree. Every day we do things unwittingly that offends the Savior, and every day we should be going to him and seeking His forgiveness. Every time we go to Him He accepts us, embraces us and says "It's OK. I forgive you" and sends us on our way knowing full well there WILL be a "next time."

 Don't shake your head No at me, because it's true.

Of course we continually offend the Savior, it's in our nature -- its part of the natural man that we are trying to learn to "let go" of. We're not perfect and as such will always be in need of His forgiveness. Our job in this life is to become more like Him and what bigger way can you become more like Him than by learning to "let it go" and forgive, forget and move on? Doing it, knowing full well that someone will hurt you again. And, when they do, you "let it go", give it to Jesus so he can carry the burden and then you forgive, forget and move on.

The cycle will go on and on so we can learn to be more like the One who daily, sometimes hourly, forgives us, forgets and let's us move on.
Just some deep thoughts for you on this fine Friday morning.

***

Life is crazy here in Crazyland. I thought when my kids got older that it would slow down and I would find more time to do things I want, but it seems that the older my kids get the more they need me. Or my driving skills. I'm not sure which one more. Either way, I've been in high demand more since my children have become "self sufficient" and I like it.

My four kids, tallest to shortest, as Thing 2 likes to remind Thing 1.

When the kids were little they flocked to their Dad and I felt left out a lot. He spoke their language and has the patience of Job. The kids would stand by the door waiting for him to come home. When they got hurt, it wasn't me they wanted to kiss their boo-boos better, it was Daddy.  In the middle of the night, they wouldn't wake me, they'd wake Dad.

To be honest, it made me feel like a failure most of the time. What was wrong with me that my babies didn't want me, but their Dad? Wasn't I good enough for them? What was I doing wrong to make them seek out another?

Then slowly we started clicking and I could understand the language they were speaking. Slowly, ever slowly, the children have started turning to me and for the first time in a long time, I feel needed by my children. They come to me for help, answers and a listening ear. I've never been the one they seek out, and it feels good to be needed by them.

Our roles as parents shift and change with the growing and changing of the children. It's a constant wave of emotion we're riding over here, but I have to say that I am enjoying every bleeding second of it. These babies are turning into beautiful creatures, ones that I can't seem to get enough of. I want to drink up every single second I have with them while they still want me around. Because, it could change as quickly as the wind blows, and I want to make sure I have made the most of each and every moment I have with them.

***
We have a new member of our family. He joined us right after New Years and has wormed his way into our hearts quit effectively. The kids rush home from school and the first person they want to greet isn't a person at all... It's the dog. Rocky.


 He's our handsome new Boxer and has been a wonderful addition to our little family. He gets along beautifully with our children, but also with Amber,  the neighbors dog, who frequents our house daily. They run around the backyard chasing and playing and I can't even begin to tell you complete it makes our home feel.

Everyone loves Rocky, and we couldn't have found a better, more well behaved dog to be ours. The kids love him to pieces and you can often hear shrieks of joy coming from various parts of the house as they play with him.



And frankly? I think he loves us, too. Don't you? 

***
 Thing 1 has decided to serve a mission for our church. She's happily getting her papers ready to submit in April. I am absolutely thrilled for her to have this experience. It was something that I was able to do, and it totally changed my life and the way I see the world. It helps you grow and mature in ways that just going off to college cannot and frankly, it makes you a better spouse and parent. That time serving The Lord, full time, gives you depth and perspective. I am thrilled she going to have this experience.

I think about my mission almost every single day. It was the best decision I ever made, and I don't regret one single minute of it. It made me into the person that I am today, and taught me that I can do hard things.

***

I'm loving this song right now from Old Crow Medicine Show. The harmonies are tight, and every time I listen, I get lost.

That my friends is the sign of a good tune.


***
That's about all the randomness that I can vomit up at the moment. I hope everyone has a lovely weekend. Stay warm people and think happy , sunny thoughts to beckon spring on quicker.


1. Wagon Wheel - Old Crow Medicine Show
2. 1 2 3 4  - Feist
3. Ho Hey - The Lumineers
4. Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons
5. Drumming Song - Florence + The Machine
6. Life's For The Living - Passenger
7. Clocks  - Old School Freight Train
8. Young Folks - Peter Bjorn and John
9. Hell of a Season - The Black Keys
10. 4 & 20 - Jeffrey Foucault

Bonus: Barton Hallow - The Civil Wars

At the beginning of every year I swear that I am going to get my act together enough to send out super cool Christmas cards. I actually even go through the motions of thinking about what I would put on said Christmas cards, planning the witty monologue that will accompany the beautiful photos of our adventures throughout the year.

Good intentions people. I has 'em.

About this time every year I realize I am a total and complete stress case and have again not done the stupid Christmas letter and if I want to avoid stabbing someone in the eye I have to start eliminating things off my "To Do List".

Like  Brag Letters Christmas cards.

Crossed off.

As I sat here feeling sort of like a big fat dork-wad I realized that there was no need for it. I still had time to create my little Brag Letter Christmas cards, I was just going to have to be a little more creative this year and use the technology that God blessed us with to mass produce and reach all tens of one of you that read my little ole' blog.

Here it is. The first ever, and I do mean ever (as in I have never in 20 years written a Family Brag Christmas letter) Tales from the Motherboard: A Year in Review.


Twenty-thirteen found Jefe doing the same thing he is super good at: Bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan. Both figuratively and literally. He's perfected our Sunday morning pancakes and bacon and it rivals any five star joint I've eaten in. Those pancakes melt in your mouth and the bacon is cooked just the way I like it. Quite honestly, I prefer his breakfast goods over most of the restaurants that we frequent.

He's still a partner at a local law firm, carrying large buckets o' money from one side of the room to another, helping people buy and sell companies and commercial real estate. He spends his free time (ha ha) watching the kids play sports and coaching Moxie's soccer team.

He is a dedicated Dad and finds complete joy in being present at every single practice and game that the kids are involved in. He doesn't want to miss one, single minute and I love him for that.

He still really digs fly fishing and I'm trying to talk him into ditching us for a week or so this summer to hit up the rivers of Alaska with a couple of his buddies.

I know. I'm totally nice.

Twenty-thirteen found me starting a new job with an airline. I have worked in the travel industry on and off since I was 17 years old and was thrilled to death when this opportunity presented itself. It was a little sooner than I had planned, but I am so glad that we bit the bullet and did it. I absolutely love my new job.

I started out in Reservations and worked exactly 9 shifts before I promoted to an internal support team. I'm in the same type of department that I was in when I worked for Morris Air Service back in the 90's and it absolutely feels like I have come home. I thank heaven above daily for the chance that I have been given to be back in the industry that I love.

Working from home is just the icing on the cake.




Jefe and I took off on a whim for San Diego for the day for our Anniversary and spent it riding bikes up and down Mission Beach, eating fish tacos on the pier and visiting four different beaches.

Seriously, I could not think of a better way to celebrate nineteen years of marriage than hanging out with my man in my favorite place on the planet, eating amazing food getting all zen-like together!

Jefe's only rule for our trip was: Plan nothing. And we didn't. We flew, literally, by the seat of our pants and it was the funnest thing we have done together in a long, long time. Completely spontaneous and an utter blast!


I was able to take the little girls to New Port Beach for a week of sun, beach and Disneyland. We bailed Utah on the first snow storm of the year and had a wonderfully warm vacation! We went with a couple of our friends and had a wonderful time playing and just hanging out.

We danced like fools on Route 66 in Radiator Springs, vegged on the beach, ate tons of fish tacos and soaked up all the sun we could. We made some fantastic memories and I can't wait for our next adventure!

Twenty-thirteen found Thing 1 finally graduating from High School.

Yes. She. Did.

She is all growed up, people, and thinking she should be an adult or some other stupid thing like that. She spent her high school days lazily working on the school magazine as an editor, whilst earning over THIRTY college credits. She graduated from High School with only 24 more credits needed for her Associates Degree.

Yes. The girl's got mad smahts.

She's decided she wants to serve an 18th month mission for our church and will turn her papers in to get her assignment in April. She will pay her own way for 18 months, living where she is assigned to live and serving the people in that area. Her Dad and I both went on missions and know the great benefits that come from learning how to serve without monetary reward. It's hard work and she will come home a completely different woman.

We are thrilled to death with this decision and just pray that she is sent to South Dakota. Or somewhere equally boring. AND SAFE.

Twenty-thirteen found Thing 2 starting 9th grade, playing not only outdoor football, but indoor football at the UofU as well. He was also on the track team and is CRAZY fast. He turned 15 this year and spends most of his free time either sleeping, listening to music, watching football or begging us to let him drive the car.

The last one is what nightmares are made of.

He's taking his first AP class this year and in Honors Math as well. We're thrilled that maybe someone in our family has some math sense, since it completely bi-passed his Father and I.

He's quite the hot commodity with the ladies. And you can see why. He's quite the boss with his posse. He has good friends and I'm proud of him for the example he sets for his friends and the level of Integrity I see him displaying. He's a good boy.

Twenty-thirteen found Thing 3 joining a Competition Soccer team. She was playing AYSO soccer, and even with not having any sort of practices the kid had some crazy mad skills. She was doing stuff that most of her teammates couldn't do, and her keeper skills were off the charts. Jefe found a competition team for her to practice with and she was invited to join them because of how amazeballs she is at being the Keeper. She sacrifices her body in ways that most 10year olds don't, and she is fearless. I watch the kid play and my heart swells with pride. She is good. She's really, really good.

She is in 5th grade now and along with being a natural athlete, she is also a natural artist. She can look at things and draw them and does a fantastic job. She has such a fun personality and sense of humor. I love listening to her tell her funny stories about her day. She loves to read and the travel bug has bit her as well. She went with me to New Port Beach for a week and we are already planning our return trip to Disneyland so we can check out all the things we missed this last time.

Twenty-thirteen found Moxie starting Kindergarten, and to quote her she "freaking hates school." At least she did for about the first 2 months. It was dumb, they don't feed you, you don't get to eat lunch there, her teacher steals things out of her backpack and kids follow her around trying to do the same things she does.

It's taken quite a bit of coaxing and reasoning to get her to understand how Kindergarten works, that her teacher isn't a thief and it's OK that she doesn't get to eat lunch at school. Home lunch is WAY better.

She plays soccer, too, and also started skiing this year with her siblings. And, the kid is a natural. She took to skiing like a duck does to water. She also came with me to New Port Beach and Disneyland. She and I spent our time chasing characters and getting our picture taken with as many as we could possibly find. She has been sufficiently bitten by the travel bug as well.

Twenty-thirteen found our little family getting a long better, laughing more and over all being happier. We've had our bumpy roads, but this past couple of years was full of lots of healing for us, growing and changing.

 I survey my little kingdom and find myself exhaling a deep, peaceful sigh and thinking: "My Word. This must be what heaven is like." My children are all happy, getting along with each other and actually LIKE each other. I sit at my desk while I'm working and I hear them laughing, chatting and loving each other and I nearly die from happiness.

Twenty-thirteen found us saying goodbye to our favorite mischievous boxer dog, Zoe. She spent 12.5 years with our family. She moved three times with us and was our constant companion. She kissed our hurts away and kept us company when we were lonely.

She died on Mother's Day weekend at home with all of us around her. She waited until all of her kids were home and could say goodbye to her before she left us.

Our family has a big, empty hole in it with her gone. I didn't realize how much of a companion she was until she was gone and I was left alone in this big empty house. She helped us all to feel safe and protected. She did her job, and she did it well. 

We talk about her often, and the funny things she would do (like jump up high enough to see over the fence at what the back neighbors were doing). We all miss her. She filled our home with a lot of love and made our family complete.

Twenty-thirteen found us being invaded by a new critter. The new neighbors have a super cool golden/lab mix dog that Jefe says is the perfect Zombie Apocalypse dog. You will see lots of posts on Instagram of this little critter with the hashtag #notmydog. 

Because she's not our dog. Although she is trying very hard to convince us otherwise. She has convinced most of the neighbors, including the dog catcher, that she belongs with us. I suspect her owners would be super sad if she moved all the way out. This is the perfect relationship: We foster her during the day and at night she goes home to her "other family."

She follows us when we go for walks or bike rides;  she lays by the front door sunning herself, waiting for someone to let her in the house and occasionally  I find her peering in my office window, wagging her tail waiting for me to come outside and play fetch.

She roams the 'hood like The Godfather, checking on everyone and everything, making sure all is well in Zion. She owns this turf and will take on anyone or anything that dares to challenge that ownership. Once she has decided you are "safe" she watches over you and your people diligently protecting you from every mail man, delivery man and bus driver around. 

She has filled the sad void that Zoe left in our hearts and is the bearer of happiness and cheer. Her happy personality is contagious. You can't help but smile when Amber comes to pay a visit.

The Winds of Change blew fiercely in Twenty-thirteen and it's been for the better. Life is about changing and learning how to accept and embrace it. This past year has been a good one. A full, happy life filled with wonderful memories. May this next year bring us all just as many changes, adventures and growth! 

We love you all and hope Twenty-fourteen brings you all the happiness you desire!

 Follow our adventures on Instagram so you can see what we are up to on a daily basis!

My daughter introduced me to this band on our vacation last week and I haven't been able to get enough of them since. The Civil Wars. Their music is haunting and yet lulling at the same time. Their harmonies are tight and melodic. Their songs expand and contract, never sacrificing one single note. Their voices meld together gorgeously and create a fascinating longing that you don't know exactly what you're longing for. They use their voices and acoustic instruments along with natural crescendos and decrescendos to create this amazing mix of wonder.


The duo is made up of Joy Williams and John Paul White who make music like lovers, but are actually married to other people. The familiarity that comes with singing with someone is intimate, and the fact that they create this beautiful magic and aren't lovers, is intense. On their acoustic heartbreaking song "Same Old Same Old," they coo the bitterest, most shivery lines together that makes your heart swell and then plummet. Their sound is absolute purity distilled in brilliance. The duo’s Americana songs, the infamous acoustic guitar tightly braided with their voices, comes to together in a way that really is quite incomparable.

Once you listen, you won't be able to get them out of your system. You will, in fact, as their new hit single claims "Be the one I wish had gotten away."

Have I told you lately how much I love my job? Yes? Oh good. Then you know how much I totally dig it.

And when I say Dig, I mean ADORE.

I do. Adore my job. And further, I love that I get to work from home. I can pick up extra hours here and there and my family has zero impact. They barely even know that I am gone. In fact, I picked up fourteen extra hours this past week which put me working a thirty-eight hour week and when I told Jefe about it he was actually shocked. "You did?"

Yup. I did. That's gonna be one fat check next week!

Don't get me wrong, I loved doing all the Social Media stuff that I had been doing in the past. I loved meeting with people and brainstorming ideas with them on how to market their business better. I just really dig my new job more. It's less taxing on me, but more importantly, it is less taxing on my family. The impact that they feel is nominal and the benefits they get are so much better.

I was really worried about this choice I had made to start working for this airline and to leave all my other projects and clients behind. Would I wish I hadn't bowed out from all the projects, event planning, consulting, hobnobbing? Would I miss it? Would I regret it?

It was the best decision I have made in a very long time.

I couldn't be happier. My family is better than they have ever been. We Are Good. 

***
We all went out to dinner together the other night and as I sat in the car listening to the kids tease each other, laughing like crazy fools, I looked over at Jefe, squeezed his hand and whispered "This is heaven." He smiled and nodded his head as we let that perfect moment of familial bliss simmer. We were all in the same car together, happy and actually having a good time. I think my heart nearly exploded from happiness.

Moments like those are coming more and more frequently now -- all of us being together, interacting and having a wonderful time -- and I cherish every single one. In those perfect moments is when I hear my kids reminiscing about past things we've done, teasing each other and genuinely liking each other.

It's one thing to be nice and civil with your siblings. Interacting occasionally and filling the time with small talk. I get it. You didn't get to choose them. However, its quite another thing entirely to actually like your siblings, choose to interact with them and call them your friend.

I see my children moving from just tolerating each other, interacting as sporadically as possible to actually seeking each other out for company. Watching TV shows together and teasing each other like old friends. It makes me happy to see them come to each others defense, intensely arguing their sibling's -- their friend-- case to make sure they are heard and validated. When the other children come to the defense of each other, no matter what the situation, to plead the case of their sibling, I am happy.

That tells me that they genuinely love and care about each other. 

They not only genuinely love each other, they like each other as well.

That's huge people.

Some siblings just tolerate each other, loving them but these kids? They actually like each other. They genuinely care about each other and they want each other to be happy. And, they are loyal to one another. They have each others backs in a flash and it makes me so very, very proud to see them rallying together.

If this is what heaven is like, I will die a happy, content woman.

***
We have been able to keep up our pace of doing something fun together every single day this summer. And, I totally count going to the gas station to get a treat as something "fun."

Hey. It counts!

We've got a fun little stay-cation planned for the kids mid August on my days off. We're taking them to the mountains to stay in the condo, ride bikes, hike and hang out as a family. I'm even planning on bringing Uno and Phase 10. They are all old enough now to play these games together as a family and I have visions of staying up all night playing card games, listening to music and eating food.

I'm sure it will actually be nothing like that, but a woman can dream.

My other airline benefits kick in this month, so I'm sending Jefe and the two little girls to Disneyland via Delta before school starts as well. I want my little girls to be the first ones to use those benefits. They have been so excited about "getting to fly free cause Mommy works for a airplane" that they deserve to be the first.  My older kids are begging for a Chicago trip. I'm thrilled that they want their first trip to be back to their roots. Well, let me amend that: They actually wanted their first trip to be to Paris, but they don't have passports. Yet. That trip is coming. I am saving all my PTO so I can take the whole family their this winter.

I know. Winter in Europe is cold. But, its also easier to get around and you won't get stuck there. I belong to an airline group on Facebook and I've been watching the past couple of weeks several people who have been stuck in Europe trying to get home. They've been stranded for over a week. I don't want to be stranded in Europe with 4 kids.

So winter in Europe is "Lovely."

Besides, I have to actually get myself an actual credit card with my name on it. I know, its totally weird that we don't have credit cards. We got rid of them when Jefe started Law School back in 1998. He has one for work that we've used in the past, but I don't have one. However, with the amount of traveling that we are planning on doing, I'll need one, with my pretty little name on it, so we can jet-set around the world.

**
Four o'clock in the morning on a weekend makes for a super slow work morning. The past several weeks I have gone the entire four o'clock hour without taking a single call. What does one do with that much down time when they are tethered to a desk?

Read books. Read magazines. Create silly Pinterest boards. Watch Netflix.

The latter is actually what I have been doing for the past month. My friend turned me on to a show called Drop Dead Diva. I'm always resistant to watching shows that people RAVE about because what if I think its dumb? I don't want to offend them and say "Yeah, that show you recommended to me? itstotallystoopid." But, my friend knows me well and brought the show up every single time we were together, so I finally caved one morning when I had gone sixty-five minutes without a call.

Oh my hell.

It's so funny! The main actress is fantastic! She's a big girl who has the spirit of a size 2 runway model in her and I kid you not, I watch that girl and I am convinced she IS a size two. But then when she remembers that she's not, you remember right along with her and feel her utter disappointment.

As a woman it was extremely easy to become emotionally invested in the main character because what woman can't identify with feeling super thin on the inside, but looking in the mirror and realizing you don't look the way you "remember" or envision yourself looking?

I do and I can.

In fact, one time I was shopping and glanced in the mirror and saw this woman and I thought "my hell that woman looks old, haggard and frumpy."

Then I realized I was looking at myself.

That was not a fun realization.




Anyway. Drop Dead Diva.

You should give it a looksie. Me thinks you'll like it.

***
That's all she wrote folks. Have a lovely weekend. I plan on napping in my hammock. It will be absolutely delightful!


1. Mercy (Live) - Dave Matthews Band
2. Skyfall - Adele
3. Crying Like A Church on Monday - New Radicals
4. Don't Know Why - Norah Jones
5. Glitter in the Air - Pink
6. Next to Me - Emeli Sande
7. Wanted - Hunter Hayes
8. Young Blood - The Naked and Famous
9. Arms of A Woman - Amos Lee
10. Two - Ryan Adams

Bonus: Sweetest Thing - U2

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving."  - Albert Einstein

Moxie learned how to ride her bike the fall of last year. I came home from work and she was zipping up and down the street like a she had never experienced freedom before. It was delightful to sit on my porch and watch her cruise up and down the sidewalk like a boss, wind blowing through her hair.

Then she fell.

Her bike was parked in the garage, where it stayed for the better part of nine months. I would try and get her to get back on it, but she would make all sorts of excuses "I likes my scooter more better Mom. I can go WAY faster on it" never getting back on the bike that had bucked her off like a wild bronco.

And that's the way we rolled. Moxie refusing to ride her bike. We even bought her a new one to see if that would encourage her, but the new one sat in the garage parked right next to the weathered old bike. Sad and neglected.

She likes to come with me when I go on my morning walks. You know, to keep me company so I don't get lonely.

And to scare away the bears.

Cause there's many bears in suburbia, right?

I finally told her at the beginning of this month that she couldn't come with me on our morning walks any more if she wasn't going to ride her bike. She would hum and haw, giving me all sorts of excuses as to why she shouldn't have to ride her bike.

That's when I Tiger Momed her.

I made her ride her bike. I pulled the bike out of the garage, hid her scooter and made her get on the bike and ride it.

Truthfully, it was the longest walk of my life. She whined, cried and made the walk just plain miserable. She would stop about every 25 feet and get off and start to walk and I would promptly make her get back on the bike and ride a little further. Two miles never seemed longer.

But, towards the end of the first mile something wonderful happened. She found her confidence again.

She started riding further and further way from me, to the point that she was so far ahead all I could see was a tiny speck.

She would eventually stop and wait for me to catch up, cockily yelling "Hurry up, Mom! You're walking so slow!"

And my heart swelled with joy.

Confidence meet Moxie. 

 Sometimes we fall, get scraped up, beat up and lose our confidence. And if we let that defeat conquer us it will rule us. Sometimes we just need someone to Tiger Mom us, take us by the hand and make us do that one thing that scares us most.

Sometimes we need someone to show us that in reality, we had nothing to fear and everything to lose. By getting lost in the fear, we were missing out on freedom. And the feel of the wind blowing our hair.

***
Football season has started again. Thing 2 has been at the park every evening for the past week running plays and practicing with his Dad, his buddy and his buddies Pop. The Dad's run interference while the boys run plays, fine tuning their skills, creating trust between the two players. Players have to trust each other that they each are going to do their jobs. When the players trust one another that they have each others backs is when it makes for great football.

Jefe comes home from their nightly workouts dog tired. And happy.

Thing 2? He's just happy to be back doing what he loves.

The boy will never be an NFL Player. That's me being honest, not mean, and the boy knows this. He has a healthy sense of self preservation, which is why letting him play football has been no big deal to us. If it comes right down to completely sacrificing his body or losing the play the body wins and the play loses. And, I'm OK with that.

***

I sat at the park last night watching the boys play their game. Clapping when Thing 2 would catch a difficult pass and moaning when he wouldn't.

My little girls were having races to the farthest point on the field that they dared run, having me time them to see could run faster. The sun had turned the sky a brilliant color of orange, and I felt that old familiar feeling settling into my toes. I sighed a heavy sigh, settled back into my chair and found myself thinking "This is damn near perfect. I am living the life and it's a damn good one."

***
So I got in another car wreck this week.

I know. My insurance should be orbiting outer-space what with all the car wrecks we've had. In a two month period Thing 1 had wrecked all three of our cars, Jefe wrecked his newly fixed car and I wrecked the rental car we were driving while the Jeep was getting fixed.

I know, right?

In my defense this accident wasn't my fault. I was turning left in an intersection and a dumb teenage girl ran the red light and ripped my bumper off. I actually didn't know that it was as bad as it was because it felt like I got a little bump, like maybe she had just scraped the front of my vehicle. However, after I followed her through the intersection (chased would be the more appropriate word. she was going so fast, and kept on going that I actually thought she was going to flee the scene) and got out to call 911 did I see the utter destruction of my vehicle.

I chastised myself because I was heading to Bajio's to get me a salad and then over to the park to listen to the Huey Lewis and The News concert. "Maybe if I had just turned right instead of left this wouldn't have happened." But, after thinking long and hard about it, I realized that had I turned right, coupled with the speed this silly girl was going, this minor accident could have been quite tragic. She had 3 other minors in the car -- two of whom were in the back seat, not wearing seat belts.

She had very little damage to her vehicle, but mine? Yeah. My bumper was sitting on the road. When the police got there to handle the accident, they wanted us to move out of the intersection to a nearby parking lot. I had to drive like I was a decrepit old lady because I was PUSHING my bumper along with me. It was being held onto the car by one lonely, sad bolt.

Jefe showed up to save me and all he had in the trunk of his car was his Lanyard for his volunteer job. So my sad little van was being held together with a CASA Lanyard.

Towny Much?

I couldn't drive it around because when he first tied the bumper back onto the van it was all snug like. But after driving it to run kids hither and yon, it was starting to drag on the ground again.

My only hope this time around is that it takes less than 98 days to fix my vehicle. Which is how long it took to get the Jeep fixed.

I'm not bitter about that at all.

And I shouldn't be. I mean I DID get to drive a brand, spanking new, just off the lot 2013 Mini Van for 98 days. It was a lean, mean driving machine. Why would I be bitter?

Because we're still dealing the fallout of that mess.

I freaking hate cars sometimes.

***

That's all she wrote peeps. I hope your weekend is going to be as epic as mine. I've got a lovely nap in the hammock in my near future. Keep it classy, Internet!



1. Home - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
2. Got It Alone - Beck
3. Horchata - Vampire Weekend
4. Love Lost - Temper Trap
5. Sad Sad City - Ghostland Observatory
6. All of Me - Tanlines
7. Bury Us Alive - STRFKR
8. Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men
9. Gimme Shelter - The Rolling Stones
10. Polish Girl - Neon Indian

Bonus: Blurred Lines - Robin Thicke

This recipe is an old go-to favorite and I had totally forgotten about it until I stumbled upon it on Pinterest. I'm thinking we're going to be eating this baby this coming weekend with some steaks and a yummy chocolate bundt cake that I can put the fruit on with the sauce.

Your belly can thank me later.



Sauce:
1 20 oz package white chocolate chips
1/2 pint whipping cream

Heat cream over low heat. When the cream is warm, add the chocolate chips, and stir until melted. Remove from heat. Pour over fruit and serve or serve on the side.

I am a list maker. I make lists about everything -  including lists of the lists that I've made. It's weird, really.

Back before I had my smart phone, I had a planner. Remember those things? I carried that thing with me everywhere I went.

I started using a Franklin Planner when I turned sixteen and was made a manager at our local amusement park. All the Executives at the park had them and I was convinced I would be a better manager if I followed in their footsteps, so I begged my parents to take me to the classes and get me one.

Isn't that a parent's dream? "Please Mom. Get me a book so I can be more organized!"

They did exactly what I would have done if my kid had come to me begging for something to help them be more productive: They bought the entire system for me.

I was pretty good at it, too, and I would make lists. For everything. To Do Lists, Places to See Lists, Things to Try, Things I'm Thankful For, Grocery Lists, Packing Lists, Places to Travel Lists, Thing's I've Already Done Lists.

The latter was always the easiest, and I still do that. After I have completed a few tasks -- even if it's just as simple as
1. Get Dressed.
 2. Make Bed.
 3. Brush Teeth -- I write those down and then cross them off. It makes me feel like I've actually accomplished something and motivates me to keep on keeping on.


My favorite list that I have is my  "Before I Die" list. I originally started it when I was in high school and have continually added to it. After I got married my "Before I Die" list started morphing into crazy things I wanted to accomplish because I had decided if I had a Bucket List I might as well put crazy things on it. I had decided that while I was in the midst of the baby years, I needed stuff to dream about.

And really? That "Before I Die" list was stuffed full of my dreams, and it kept me plugging along during the hard times. My dreams were MY dreams, and some of them were (and still are) a little unrealistic but they were mine. And come hell or highwater, I was going to try and accomplish them.

Last summer we were at a neighborhood BBQ talking about the things we were involved in and at that time I had just wrapped up filming the last episode of Tech Savvy. Someone at the BBQ asked me what made me think I could do a Talk Show and further why would I even want to?

I thought of my infamous list.

One of the things on my list was "Have a TV Show" and I looked at the woman and told I had a list of things that I wanted to do before I died and that just happened to be on my list. But putting that aside, why COULDN'T I do it?

I firmly believe that I can do anything that I want to, I just have to write it on my list and then make it so. (number one.)

These women were a little baffled. "You have a list of things you want to do before you die?"

"Yes," I replied, "don't you?"

One of the women stated that the kind of "goals" she sets revolve solely around her children and husband and seeing that they are successful and happy.

When she said that I have to admit that I felt pretty guilty because it my list made me feel and look selfish.

 The things that were on my Bucket List were things that were important to ME, and me alone. Sure there were things on there that my family benefits from, but for the most part the things that I've put on my list are things that I want to accomplish, do or see before I die.

As I've thought about this exchange I have decided that it's  MY list and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with me having a list of things that I want to accomplish or see before I die. People can put on their Bucket Lists whatever they want, and if it is solely built around their husband and children and it works for them and fulfills them, then groovy.

My list is not.

The women were very curious about what else I had put on my list and so I started naming off some of the the things that were on my list: 

1. See Oprah 
2. See U2 in Concert  (twice)
3. Go on a Mission
4. Get Married in the Temple
5. Be a Mother (four times)
6. Be on a TV Show  (hosted my own show)
7. Be on a Radio Show (multiple times and my show was also on the radio)
8. Plan and organize events (twice)
9. Live in Chicago
10. Travel to China

In the process of naming off some of the things that were on my list that I have been making for the past twenty years, I realized something profound. I had accomplished everything that I had written on my list. Even all the crazy things? Yup. They were crossed off.

My infamous list was complete.

They asked me what I had left to accomplish and I was flabbergasted when I responded "Nothing. I've crossed them all off."

"Really?" They replied. "What are you going to do now?"  I responded "I'll just start making a new list."

And, that's what I've done.

I sat down that night and started making a new list of pipe dreams that I had. Things that I wanted to accomplish, do or see "Before I Die" (work for an airline) and I've started crossing those off my list now (see Dave Matthews Band in Concert).

 It's interesting to me to compare my lists and see how I have changed, and then how I haven't. I still have lots of crazy pipe dreams, places I want to visit and bands I want to see in concert but I also have different Bucket List items. Items like "See my child get married in the Temple" or "Kiss by first Grand-baby and whisper in their ear that I love them."

Don't get me wrong, I still have the crazy dreams, but I also have the more meaningful, hard to quantify ones, too.

Bucket Lists are meant to be about you and for you. It's what you want to accomplish before you die so you can die with no regrets. There is nothing selfish about that, and don't you let anyone shame you into thinking that there is. If all you have ever wanted to do is be a wife and a mother, and you're doing that (or have done it), then maybe its time for you to re-write your bucket list and add some new dreams to it because you have accomplished your "Before I Die" list.

What was that one crazy dream you had as child that you really wanted to do? Sing on Broadway? Dance in the Nutcracker? Kiss at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day?

Write it down.

 That's not selfish. That's acknowledging your dreams and giving them room to soar.

There is nothing selfish in having dreams, people. It's what keeps us moving forward, especially in the tough times.

Dreams. It's what our lives should be made of -- especially the crazy, pipe dreams.

Dreams, or Bucket Lists, are the difference between living and just merely existing. Go live your life and be brave and bold enough to write those dreams down.

I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think its the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person. - Audry Hepburn

Word.

I love to laugh. There is absolutely nothing that is more cleansing than a good gut-busting laugh. One that leaves you with tears streaming down your face and a little wet spot in your panties. It's healing for the soul to just laugh. Especially when you feel like crying.

There are certain people that you turn to who make you see the funny parts of life and then they laugh at you. Which then helps you be able to laugh at yourself. Being able to do that is essential to survival. You cannot take yourself so seriously that you can't laugh at yourself.

Being able to see the humor in your life is an important tool that I have tried to teach my children.

Be able to laugh at yourself. Others will, that's for sure. And, if you can laugh at yourself, it takes away their power and makes you more desirable. Wanna know why?

Cause you can laugh at yourself.

Laughter. It's a beautiful thing.

***

It's official. I'm old peeps.

How did I finally come to this conclusion? Well, I'll tell you. When I was younger, I was a thrill seeker. Anything I could do to get an adrenalin rush, I would seek after these things. I loved that rush. I rock climbed, rock repelled, went spelunking, mountain biking, back country skiing, river rafting, anything that was exciting or even just a titch dangerous, you could count me in.
 
Now?

I get anxious riding the freaking Sky Ride at Lagoon.

I spend the whole time holding on to my babies begging them not to move a single muscle because I'm afraid they're going to slide off the ride and plummet to their death.

Roller Coasters not only make me majorly sick and give me vertigo, I worry the kids are going to fall out or the roller coaster is going to break and they'll all die.

Totally un-healthy fears? Yes. That's how I know I'm old.

I'm afraid of getting hurt and leaving my babies motherless and further, I'm afraid they will get hurt and leave me baby-less.

Which would be a fate worse than death, yo.

***
I am happy to report that I have kept up my goal of doing one fun thing a day with my children this summer. Even if that one fun thing is just going to get snow cones and the worlds best corn dogs. We're doing something adventurous every day and I am enjoying the hell out of my summer vacation.

Jefe said to me yesterday that he couldn't wait for school to start. I looked at him like he'd grown three heads. That is the first time I have ever heard him say something like that. Usually its me counting down the days until the schedule returns to normal. But not this year. I'm loving the bohemian life. It fits me like a weathered old glove.

When I asked why he wanted school to start, he responded that we're all home more when everyone is in school.

Which I understand. Jefe wants his people home, not gallivanting all over kingdom come.

***

Isn't she a beauty?

I took Thing 1 up to register for University classes this past week. It brought back so many memories. I went to this school and absolutely loved it. It was a fantastic experience and I made so many wonderful friends. I am excited for her and this new adventure that she is embarking on. And, the little girls are thrilled that she is going to live at home.

Honestly? Me too.

I would miss her entirely too much if she were to move out yet. This mama is not ready to let her fly away.

It seems like yesterday that this little critter entered my life and it was forever changed. For good. She has been the light of my life and has brought me so much joy. I have enjoyed so much watching her grow up. Don't get me wrong, she's been a pill at times, worrying this old bag of bones, but for the most part, she has been an absolutely delightful child to raise. She is obedient (except for keeping her room cleaned), hasn't been out partying it up like a banshee. She is just a good kid. A talented kid. A smart kid. And, I'm so grateful to be her mother.

It's been interesting to me the past couple of months, because I can feel the dynamics of our relationship changing. She is an adult now, and as such is more of an equal. We give her advice on what to do, and even push her to make better choices (or any choice at all cough*college*cough) but then we let her govern herself. We have rules we expect her to follow, but I feel our relationship changing and I dearly love this new friendship we have. She is such a quick witted, delightful child. I'm so glad she's mine.

***

That's about all the randomness that I can vomit up for this week. Take it easy and remember to keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times, hold on tight and have fun!



1. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (Live) - U2
2. Gone Gone Gone - Phillips Phillips
3. Southern Girl - Amos Lee
4. My Town - Montgomery Gentry
5. SkyFall - Adele
6. Bluesology - The Modern Jazz Quartet
7. Life's A Happy Song - The Muppets
8. La Vie En Rose - Louis Armstrong
9. Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine
10. Come On Get Higher - Matt Nathanson

Bonus: Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams

Here's a view from Crazyland via Instagram. I love that app. Its my favorite, especially now that you can upload videos. Simply Brilliant. Jefe told me the other day that he was so glad that I did Instagram because he was able to see all the things we were up to as a family while he was off at work.It is a wonderful way to capture the minuta of our lives and we all know that I'm a big advocate of doing that.

Remember that all the photos were taken with my iPhone 5 and edited with the iPhone. 

I can't believe that we are half way through with summer vacation. It seems totally impossible. This summer vacation is just flying by and I am feeling rather gypped.

I have tried my hardest to do something fun with my two little girls every day-- even if all we did was go and get a snow-cone. I want them to be able to say, when they lay down for bed at night,  that they did one fun thing that day.

Am I spoiling them?

Yes.

So what?

Life is too short to not try and make a fun memory with the people you love on a daily basis. It doesn't have to cost money to do that either. It just requires you making an effort to be present in the moment. Whatever the moment is, be present. And that my friends, is a hard thing for us to do. This generation that has been taught that multi-tasking is how you represent your level of success. And in reality when we are "multi-tasking" we are missing out on the most important moments that are happening right in front of our nose.

Be present people, and make a fun memory daily.

***
The fourth of July is my favorite holiday. And not for any other reason that its an excuse to be lazy. People expect you to take a nap on the 4th. They expect you to lay around in the sun, eating yourself into a coma and just being with the people you love. I got to do all of that. I worked the early morning shift at work which, oddly enough, makes me happy. I ate a sweet french toast breakfast cooked by Jefe and actually took a nap at 930am.

I got to hang out with my friends and family at the parade -- and I forgot to put sunscreen on my feet of all places and got a rather lovely sunburn. I watched a ridiculous amount of stupid floats cars come by in the parade throwing out tons of candy. Which apparently must have been an extremely rare form of candy judging by the amount of adults rushing around trying to get the candy.


My favorite part of this holiday is the water parade AFTER the real parade. Oh. My. Word. I love it like a fat kids loves cake. After the parade is over, they wait about 15 minutes to allow everyone time to get out of dodge that doesn't want to get wet. Then the real fun starts.

Floats designed specifically for the water parade come down the road and its a giant town water fight. I love watching my entire town play together, getting wet. It absolutely sends me over the moon. They have the construction trucks that shoot water hundreds of feet in the "water parade" and they are spraying the crowd as fast as the crowd is spraying them back.

People will take tarps and line their pickup trucks with the tarps and then fill up the entire back of the trucks with water to then be used to fill bucket after bucket to dump on people. It seriously is the happiest thing in the world for me to watch.

My town.

My town playing together, bonding.

It's seriously the best place to live. Period.

After the water fight, we ate The Worlds Best Corn dogs which, frankly ARE the worlds best corn dogs. They are so freaking good they put you in a corn dog coma.


Which is totally worth the bazillion calories those puppies have. Seriously people. These things are so damn good.  Fresh cornmeal batter on a giant dog, deep fried on the spot and then drizzled with honey and mustard (my personal favorite). I didn't think I would be able to eat the entire monstrosity, but oh my heavens, I did. And it was good.

It was an absolutely wonderful day culminated by the firework show of the century. My neighbors, apparently, were having a contest to see who could out do each other with their fireworks. It ended up being a finale type of display for over an hour. I didn't mind it at first, and had a great time sitting on my porch watching them respond to each other, trying to one each other up. But, the later the hour got, the more panicked I got because all I could see was that looming hour of 3:45am staring me in the face. I had to work this morning and staying up until 11 or so makes it rather difficult to get out of bed.

I love the 4th of July for all those reasons listed above and about seventy bazillion more. I have wonderful memories associated with this holiday. Happy memories that leave me with that happy, peaceful feeling whenever I think about them. I love where I live. I love this country. And I love that my family is together. We made it and that, in and of itself is reason enough to celebrate. Every. Single. Day.

Amen.

***
1. Wonderwall - Ryan Adams
2.  Shout Out Loud - Amos Lee
3. Somebody That I Used to Know - Gotye
4. Dirty Rain (acoustic) - Ryan Adams
5. In Need of A Miracle - New Radicals
6. This Love (Acoustic) - Maroon 5
7. Sweetest Thing - U2
8. Mercy (Live) - Dave Matthews Band
9. Wanted - Hunter Hayes
10. Colors - Amos Lee

Bonus Track: She Will Be Loved (Acoustic) - Maroon 5

  From the Happiest place on earth!