I have this tacky camping chair that I like to sit in on my driveway to think and watch the world float by. I can face the mountains and watch the sunset reflect off them, turning them various shades of pink and purple. I understand that phrase "Purple Mountains Majesty." It is a beautiful site.

The clouds started turning and moving-- doing an exotic dance that was entrancing and seemed to be only for me. I could hear them moaning and churning as they danced and if I listened carefully I could hear the low rumble of thunder trying to break free.

Slowly the wind met with the leaves in the trees and they started their familiar dance, singing a beautiful song. The sounds and sites were hypnotic as I sat in my chair listening to the world around me.

I listened to the distant crackle, pop and boom of fireworks while the wind and trees continued their dance. It would crescendo and decrescendo in such a mesmerizing way. I couldn't tear my eyes from the giant trees across the street. They swayed perfectly to the unheard song of their dance. It was if they were marrying themselves to each other over and over again and at the exact perfect moment, the sky exploded in a sea of color-- blues, greens, reds and yellows-- the perfect culmination of this forbidden dance of the wind and trees.

Then the rain slowly descended. It was refreshing, that smell from the rain, and it felt clean. I sat there and let the rain pour down on me as I continued to listen and watch the forbidden dance of the trees and watch the firework display in front of me. It was a perfect moment.

It was calming watching the world-- changing, growing, moving-- being cleansed and given a chance to start fresh. I love watching storms come creeping over my little piece of the world. It reminds me that I always have a new day and a fresh start.

Just like that, I can let go of my past, forgive myself and move forward. There is always a new beginning just around the corner.

*pulled from the archives. Originally published on July 25, 2011

When this song comes on, I just can't help myself. I have to dance. And, not dancing? Well, that just makes the need to dance worse. There's something about that opening that just makes me start bopping my head to the side and once those trumpets start? I'm a goner. I'm swinging my booty and rocking to the beat. It doesn't matter where I am, when I hear that familiar refrain? It's all down hill from there people. 

eekk. i look like i'm on crack

At the beginning of every summer I feel mounds of trepidation. I get used to the schedule and consistency that the school year brings -- Up and going every day by a certain time. Dishes and dinner done every morning with the house all shiny and clean. Routine is my comfortable old worn coat and it makes me feel safe and secure.

Summer means the end of that blessed schedule and we all turn into free stylin' gypsies.

We have migrated into our gypsy lifestyle rather seamlessly this year. We've stayed up late and slept in. We've had cheesecake for breakfast and omelets for dinner. We've spent our days next to the pool and our nights riding the Merry-Go-Round.  We've caught ourselves up on our favorite TV shows, watched the latest blockbuster movies and read a library full of books. We've taken nightly walks around the neighborhood and have a worn path that is a friendly reminder of where we've been and how far we've come.

It's simply perfect. 

I forget every year that when it's all said and done and the transformation is complete this Gypsy lifestyle fits me rather nicely. Taking that first drink of Koolaid is scary but once I do I remember how much I love it and how liberating this lifestyle really is.

With the metamorphosis complete, I find myself taking a deep breath and saying "This. THIS right here is the life" and that familiar feeling of peace slides over me and I recognize it. My old worn coat has returned.

Life is good. Summer is good. We're good. 

Here's my most recent conversation { inspired by this.} with my 16 yro daughter and I think it's probably my most favorite teXting conversation.

EVER.

It's best read OUT LOUD.

pinky swear.

you need to read it out loud.

And, don't blame me if you spew Diet Coke. 

--

Me: How did Moses make his tea?

Me: Hebrews it.

Thing 1: Wow. That's so funny I forgot to laugh.

Me: Now. Now. Don't be Russian around being a hater!

Thing 1: I was trying so hard to think of something punny to say that Iran into a door.  

Me: I Caanan tell a lie: That Made Me Snort.

Thing1: Well, that's what French-ip is all about.

Me: You Turkey.  

Thing 1: Ha Ha. I'm Hungary. What's for dinner?

Me: Chile.  

Thing 1: I think I might Peru-se the library before I come home today

Me: Now you're Babylon

Thing 1: Sorry. I thought I'd Czech with you to make sure it was Okay

Me: Maybe you need to Persia your bag first. You know. To make room for more crap.

Thing 1: I China get irritated but I think you just insulted my organizational skills.

Me: Irish you could see how hard I laughing.

Thing 1: Iraq my brain so hard every time people start one of these conversations with me and it always gives me a headache.

Me: So what you're saying is I'm Ghana win?

Thing 1: Nether... lands.

Me: Jamaica me crazy, girl.

Me: Kenya say: Mom's rule and Thing 1's drool?

Me: Oman. I'm on a roll!

Me: Should I give you Samoa?

Thing 1: Oman. That is quite possibly the most inaccurate statement ever.

Me: Uganda give me credit . . . And you can't use the same one twice. 

Thing 1: NOT COOL. Gabon Man. You stole mine!

Me: {evil laugh} Yemen. I rule. You drool.

Thing 1: Laos - er. You're doing multiple at once. The world is only so big.

Me: Geeze. Quit having a Macau.

Thing 1: Just come get me, okay?

Me: Kuwait for me outside.

---
You're Welcome and Have a Nice Day.

My new addiction is Live from Daryl's House. It's real, authentic music played by musicians who are just jammin', having a good time and I can't get enough of it. I made a playlist of all my favorites from his 40+ episodes and it streams while I work.

I'm in hog singing heaven, people.
Srsly. Turn up your speakers. Close your eyes. I triple-dog-dare you to not start swayin'. Or dancing. Once the moves have been busted out, the words will beg you to be belted out. Singing along to these familiar tunes is medicine for the soul and will cure any bad mood. Or sad idea. Trust me.

I hope you have your spoonful of Nutella and your Diet Coke (with the good ice) handy because I have a story to tell you. It's a good story-- maybe even a funny story-- but mostly it's a story that showed me who, at the core, I really am.

A Self Narker.

It's true.

I am a total self narker.

I can try my hardest to be dishonest, but it starts gnawing at me. Right there at the back of my brain and it gnaws and gnaws until I can't stand it and I nark myself out.

Always.

It eats at me until I have to come clean.

Big stuff and little stuff. I just can't do it. It eats at me until I just can't stand it anymore and I blurt it out and I have to come clean.

Jiminy Cricket would be so proud of me.

I have a very healthy conscience and at times I think it works overtime.

Take for instance when I was at work the other night. A yellow bracelet that I was jonesing for hard core was on sale and I had a coupon and store credit. I also found a jacket (cause I was freezing) that I planned on buying on my break.

I bought the items and I wanted to wear them the rest of the night so I proceeded to show the other employees my receipt so they wouldn't think I had stolen them. They all looked at me as if I was crack.

One of my co-workers looked at me funny and said "I would never think that you stole that, Elisa. I trust you."

The manager laughed at me and said "I trust you Elisa. I know you wouldn't steal."

They both said the same thing and I never wanted to give them a reason to not trust me. So I showed them all the receipt anyway.

That's important to me, people being able to trust me. I am a trustworthy person and I never want to anything to make people not be able to trust me. 

Now to the point of this post.

I went shopping unexpectedly yesterday. Jefe left his laptop at home and so I happily volunteered to take it to him.

Hello. He works next to City Creek. Why wouldn't I want to take him his laptop? I could love on him for a few minutes and then I could happily wander the shops. Which is my new favorite past time. Maybe I could finally buy those aqua and orange pants that I have been wanting.


Once the eagle had landed and the package was secure, Moxie and I headed out on our adventure. We played on the playground. We counted the trout in the pond and creek. We went into every. single. store. kid and mommy alike and we shared an awesome almond vanilla steamer from the Nordstroms E-bar.

It was an afternoon filled with sheer nirvana. 

I admired the colored skinny jeans and Moxie hung out at the jewelry section. It was a shopping companionship made in heaven! She would tell me what necklaces I should buy that would match my pants and I would buy her lip gloss and feather hair bands.

When we finally got to our intended destination, I was elated to find that both colors of pants I wanted were there. I immediately started trying on shirt and pant combos, coming up with amazing color blocking creations that would rival any fashion week runway model.

I tried on every color of the rainbow and Moxie and I were having a ball. Well, at least I was having a ball. She was happily watching a movie on my phone.

God Bless iPhones and Netflix.

I purchased my new found treasures and we headed homeward bound.

We chatted all the way home about all the fun things we saw -- she loved the orange pants that were her size, the fountain that sprayed to music and all the fishes in the "lake".

All in all it was a good day.

Until I got home, that is.

Upon getting undressed to get ready for work I realized that I was still wearing a tank that I had tried on earlier. I have to be honest: when I realized I had it on I gasped with horror and actually threw the shirt away from me -- as if just holding it was going to condemn me to prison.

Jefe's told me all about what prison is like from when he was a Federal Defender. I know from his stories that it's a place I never, ever want to go. I have a healthy fear of police and jail.

I started doing my famous panic dance and was mumbling "Oh no. Oh no. Oh no."

Peeps. I was horrified.

Images of prison whizzed through my head which made my panic dance even more epic. I am sure if it would have been recorded, it would leave the So You Think You Can Dance judges amazed and dazed. And wanting the thief's autograph. 

Holy! Freaking! Crap! I'm a thief. I had stolen something.

Accidentally? Yes. But I had not paid for it, so technically it was stolen. 

I was getting ready for work and I had exactly 90 minutes before my shift began. I was sick, people. Sick to my stomach and completely freaked out. I was trying to use all the amazeball skills my counselor has taught me over the past year, but it wasn't working.

As I stood alone in my closet, using my new-mad-skills,  I found myself  thinking a myriad of thoughts:
"No one would know that I had stolen this tank. I would be late for work if I took it back. It was an accident. They probably didn't even notice, either. Besides, it was an honest mistake, no one would ever know and God would forgive me. He always forgives me."

And that's when I made my decision.

I got ready for work and I drove back to Salt Lake to return the "stolen" tank.

I hurried into the shop and found the employee that had helped me earlier and explained what had happened.  She proceeded to look at me with a puzzled look. "You mean, you brought this back? We didn't even notice it was gone. You didn't pay for it and you actually brought it back? Why?"

Yes and yes. Because it's the right thing to do. 

She looked at me and said "Thank you for being honest."

And that's why I did it.

Not because of what some other person would think about me, but because it was the right thing to do. I knew I hadn't paid for that tank. And further, God knew. It doesn't matter a lick what others think, it matters how I feel about myself and how God feels about me. I couldn't live with myself if I had not taken it back.

Besides, this is who I am. At my core I am honest -- A Self Narker -- and sometimes I'm honest to a fault.

People have a hard time with me because I don't talk circles or spin webs. If you ask me something I will respond honestly. There's issues? Lets discuss them honestly and not beat around the bush. If I hear someone has an issue with me or said something false, I will talk to the source and correct the facts. Nothing good ever comes from being dishonest. Never.

The best part of the story?

I was only four minutes late for work.

A good day indeed.

I was driving down the interstate with my girlfriend a while back when she came up with this hair-brained idea for a post, and dare I tell you that I nearly crashed the car I was laughing so hard? She grabbed a piece of junk mail off the floor of my van and quickly started scribbling down what we had been laughing about.

And then I forgot about that brilliant post idea because I lost the envelope in the sea of junk squatting in my van.

However.

I have since found that envelope and it made me snicker all over again. You see it was entirely based on us seeing a 65+ year old man writing REPENT with his Red Solo Cups in the overpass chain-link fence.

Totally serious.

Repent. In the chain-link fence OVER the interstate. 


My girlfriend and I raised our eyebrows, cocked our heads to the side and we both turned to each other with our mouths gaping as if to say "wha the wuh-wuh?" at the exact. same. time.

Which is what nearly caused me to wreck the car.

The dude was greyer than Gandolf the Grey and he was punching those red solo cups into the fence with such fury I thought the fence was going to fall over. He was spelling out Repent. Now, it's quite possible that his message may have included more, but I only saw the repent portion.

Which it seems was a gift from my Muse because the ideas started flowing like Niagra Falls.

*****
In the mall by my house there is a Kiosk that sells Dead Sea Facial rubs. It's run by a bunch of obnoxious kids. They see you coming and start walking towards you yelling all the reasons why your skin is in dire need of their product. I will go to great lengths to avoid the Dead Sea Kiosk because it's just awkward. They don't take no for an answer and will actually follow you along if you aren't rude.

Which I am rather adept at being, but I am trying to be a better person and not be rude.

It's hard people.

Thing 1 and I were at the mall shopping and I forgot to tell her to not look them in the eye or even acknowledge them. If you do? You get sucked into the never ending schpeel of why your face is going to be ruined for eternity without the mud from the birthplace of our Lord and Savior.

I held my head down and quickly made my way past the kiosk. I turned to say something to her and she was nowhere to be found. I assumed she had stopped in the teeny-bopper store we had passed, so I sent her a text and told her where I was heading.

She promptly sent me a text back saying the Dead Sea guy had stopped her and she needed me to come back so he could tell me about all the products she needed for her face.

My response?

"I am not coming back and turn around right now and run. They will hold you hostage. RUN! Run for your life, sweet child 'o mine. RUN AWAY!"

I know. I am so mean.

Then I did a little covert action and watched from afar as she tried to worm her way out of the clutches of the Dead Sea Kiosk hairy dudes.

It was awesomely funny. Because she could see me, but they had no clue that I was her mother so they ignored me and kept pestering her. I wish I could explain the death glares that child of mine sent me. It was the most entertaining thing I had seen all week! 

Now when we are at the mall together walking down the Dead Sea hall? We both pretend to talk on the phone. TO NO ONE. They start approaching and I mouth "I'm on a business call, sorry" and keep on walking discussing the ever increasing cost of rice from China and just keep walking. 

My tip to you? Don't make eye-contact and pretend to be on the phone. Otherwise you'll get sucked in the Dead Sea Vacuum and the only way you can escape is by paying them $34.99 for MUD.

I'll sell you mud from my backyard for that price. Sheesh.

*****
 I have a neighbor that mows his lawn three times a week.

Totally not exaggerating either.

His garage is also spotless.

I fully expect one of these days to come home and find him laying on his belly with a ruler and scissors to make sure his grass is all equally cut and symmetrical.

I wonder how I could get him to channel his OCD over his lawn into MY yard.

{the wheels are turning now peeps}

*****
I cannot wait for this movie to come out. It looks fantastic!

*****
I can't wait for this one either!

*****
That's it for me peeps. Have a good weekend and I'll catch you on the flipside!

My interview/discussion with Sister Julie B. Beck, the General Relief Society President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints finally went live today on The Mormon Channel. She is the president of the worlds largest women's organization and it was a humbling experience being able to meet with her. She is an inspired woman, who cares for the women of the world deeply.

I wrote about my experience meeting with her on my other blog, MMB and if you're interested you can click over there to see what other things I had to say.

For me the some of the biggest things that I took from these meetings with the General Relief Society President, Sister Julie B. Beck, were:

1. The ways we can utilize the war chapters in Alma in raising our families in “enemy territory”. I felt a call to action to learn those chapters and learn them well. They should be every mothers blue-print as we raise our families in enemy territory.

2. We discussed at great length our duty as Latter-day Saint Women Bloggers to be women like Abish—leaders in our own little blogging communities, leading people to righteousness. In fact when I left my first meeting with Sister Beck, I asked her what she would have me do, and she said “Be a woman like Abish and lead people in your own way to righteousness.”

3. The heavy burden that is Sister Becks of being the steward of all the Women and Children. That is a heavy burden to carry. I saw the tears in her eyes as she expressed her love and concern for the women of the church.

4. Her desire for us to all get along and stop being our own worst enemy. We as women can be quite mean to each other. We “war and jangle” with one another—are critical of the choices that each other is making—when we should be the safe place for us each to land. If we were the safe places for each other, then our Relief Societies would be places where we could ask questions, express sorrows, and request help without feeling like we are being judged.

5. That sometimes when we look to our peers for answers to our questions we are just flaming the fire. We need to look to the women in our lives—in our past—to find the answers to the questions that really plague us. Look at the “Grandmother” figures in our wards and search them out and learn from them. Age brings wisdom and they can shed a different light on the issues we are struggling with because of their life experiences.

The experience I had while waiting to meet with her each time was deeply personal. I had the spirit of the Lord strongly present in my life as I read the comments and questions pouring in-- and I had the constant reminder in the back of my mind of the spiritual gift that the Lord has blessed me with. He is a wise one, the Lord, and he knew that this gift-- the simple gift of knowing-- would be the best one for me. I don't need to speak a million languages or see angels. I just know. And that knowing allows me to see, hear and understand all sides of the equation without it damaging my own faith.

Take a listen and see what you think.

I learned some things that blew my mind.

But mostly? I'm proud to call myself a Mormon Woman-- a woman who is strong, educated, progressive,  dedicated and an individual.

Which is what my religion is truly all about-- its an individual experience.

Except Moxie.

And then you wake up raring to go and ready for a party. At 6:30am. Even if Mom was up half the night working.

I love it when I stumble upon amazing finds and this one is my newest, greatest, latest find: Live from Daryl's House.

Peeps.

It's freaking amazeballs!

It's all the Hall & Oats songs from the 80's remade with hot new artists in Daryl Halls HOUSE!

I wish I could just be a fly on the wall and sit and watch. Maybe if I was quiet enough they would indulge me and let me sing along. Just for one song. Or maybe two.  You can tell that these musicians are having the time of their lives just hanging and playin' tunes with each other.

My favorite find so far? It's a toss up between Kiss On My List with Rob Thomas and One on One with Cee Lo Green.

Whoa Nelly. These are freaking amazing and I could listen to them over and over.

Oh wait. I already have. Never mind.

It's raw, real, pure music in its absolute finest form.

Heaven peeps. Heaven.

Now I just need to figure out if I can download all this in either Spotify or iTunes.

You listen and tell me which ones you're diggin' more.
 Great  Balls of Fire! 

I'm in love and have a something new that I'm obsessing over. Which will make Jefe happy so I'll quit bugging him about the "fix it list" that is now a mile and a half long.


*****
I turned the comments back on.

Just to test the waters.

Please be nice to me.


*****
I'm heading to SLC tomorrow for a huge get together with a bunch of bloggers at the SLC Public Library.

If'n you're wanting to come and hang with the cool kids, that's where we'll be. From 9:30 - 5:00pm There's food, fun and yes. I'll even be listening to General Conference to see what sort of changes come about. I hear there are bunch of peeps going out to dinner after, too. You could maybe tag along with us. If you're so inclined.

Get more deets here. 

*****
I love it when I find a good book to read, too. And boy howdy do I ever have a good one right now! I have been basking in the sun outside while Moxie chalks the crap out of the driveway and I read and read and read. The book is over a thousand pages and I am in sheer hog-freaking-heaven.



This is the first book that I have ever read of Steven King's and I pink sparkly puffy heart LOVE it. A lot.

I am NOT a fan of horror. AT. ALL. But this? It's fantastic.

{i loved his made for tv movie The Stand, too. it rocked my world. and still does.}



*****
Do you Spotify?

Man alive. I do. I LOVE Spotify. More than Pandora or iTunes.

It's freaking awesome and I love that it's all at my finger-tips and ripe for the pickings and I just have to pay a small monthly fee instead of buying every freaking damn song.

I want to marry Spotify.

I wonder if Jefe will mind ?


*****
I have been non-stop listening to the Live from Daryl's House for the last few days, and decided that I will break the rules today for the random 10 and pick my favorites from what I have heard.

 I"ll link to their videos for you.

Cause I'm a giver like that.

Prepare to have your minds blown. 

1. Here Comes the Rain Again - Dave Stewart & Daryl Hall 
2. Kiss On My List - Rob Thomas & Daryl Hall 
3. Private Eyes - Mayer Hawthorn, Booker T & Daryl Hall
4. One on One - Mat Nathanson & Daryl Hall
5. She's Gone - Rob Thomas & Daryl Hall
6. Something to Talk About - KT Tunstall & Daryl Hall
7. Past the Sleep - Company of Theives & Daryl Hall
8. Ain't No Sunshine - Finger 11 & Daryl Hall
9. Sara Smile/Ooh Ooh Baby - Smoky Robinson & Daryl Hall
10. Adult Education - Neon Trees & Daryl Hall

 Bonus:  Family Man - Chromeo & Daryl Hall

The sun is finally shining here in Crazyland and it feels mighty fine. I spent the better part of the day sitting in my tacky old camping chair, reading a book and watching Moxie Pants draw with chalk and chase birds. She was hell bent on catching one of those singing birds on her finger so that she could put it in her back pack to take her BFF's house to show her.

It was delightfully perfect. I had the sun beating down on my mug, and my baby chatting my ear off about birds and chalk towns.

Nirvana, it was. 

And, I just might do it again today.

As long as the wind stops and the clouds go away, that is.

*****

 *****
I watched my kids yesterday, happily interacting with each other it made me soar further into my happy place. At one point the two oldest actually embraced in a heartfelt hug and I nearly died from happiness. Everyone was running around, laughing, playing, joking and I just wanted to pause the moment and bask in its perfectness. This, this perfect moment of everyone being happy and playing together, is the moment that will be seared into my brain forever. It's the moment that we have been tirelessly working towards.

Yesterday it finally showed up and I damn near died from the sheer joy of watching it unfold.

This past several years have been rocky, rough and frankly like walking the seventh rim of Hell. Truthfully, I didn't think that we would ever survive, let alone find ourselves surfing the Nirvana waves like we were yesterday. I can honestly look back to where I was last year, and the year before and I don't even recognize not just the person that I was,  but that family we were. We have all changed, and it has been for the better.

It's costing us an arm, a leg and a couple of ear lobes to facilitate these changes, but you know what? It's money well spent. At the end of the day stuff is just stuff, but people and relationships? They mean WAY more than just crappy old stuff.

For the first time in YEARS my family is happy. And that makes this Mama very happy.

*****

1. I Love You but I Don't Know What to Say - Ryan Adams
2. Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
3. Sideways - Citizen Cope
4. Never Satisfied (revisited) - Jackie Greene
5. Get Up, Get Up, Get Up - Barcelona
6. One of Those Days - Joshua Radin
7. Blue Mind - Alexi Murdoch
8. Jolene - Ray LaMontagne 
9. Wishlist - Pearl Jam
10. Hearts a Mess - Gotye

Bonus: Oh - Dave Matthews Band

Moxie is at the age where she says pretty much everything that comes to her mind and it keeps us not only on our toes, but laughing hysterically.

She notices everything and comments on it all. Sans a filter and I sort of love it.

Because this kid?

She’s funny.

Peeps.

Her sense of humor is strong and prevalent. It’s one of the things I love about her! She’s only four, and she has a super quick wit and wry sense of humor. It makes me excited to see what it evolves into the older she gets.

Take for instance these conversations that she had with me and her siblings. We were chatting in bed the other night—because “she found her words and they needed to get out” – and she was jumping from one train of thought to the next faster than a speeding bullet.

We would barely get registered the funny things she was saying, and she was off again on another brain tangent.

I love it when my kids are this age. Every single one of them has had these verbal purge moments and it completely melts my heart and is the highlight of mothering for me. They say basically everything that comes to mind—and yes. Sometimes it’s even inappropriate.

{ Why is that man so fat Mommy? } 

{Why does the birds sing like that Mommy?}

{What is that man’s name Mommy? No. Really. WHAT is his name [this is when I make up strange names and stories about the people she wondering about, just so that she will move on to the next thought] }

It always makes me sad when they grow out of this stage because this is the best one of all. We can listen to them say everything that we are thinking, and they can’t get in trouble for it ‘cause they’re too dang cute. And further, we can join in and be silly with them and not even bat an eye at the awkwardness that is the conversation. Those are the best conversations ever.

Take these most recent ones:

Me: Where’s my phone?

Moxie: People’s makes lots of calls, huh Mom?

Me: Yeah.

Moxie: Well. The man says ‘One Call, and That’s All.’

Me: {gut busting laugh} YES! Yes He. Does.

Moxie: And you know what Mom?

Me: What?

Moxie: I thinks he’s right. Peoples makes too many calls. One is enough.

*****

Me: Want some fries?

Moxie: Yes.

{Silence while fries are eaten}

Moxie: Mom?

Me: Yes?

Moxie: Did you know that Unicorns live on Mars?

*****

The day we move into boring, regular every-day conversations is the day I start to mourn. She is my baby. My last. The end of the awesome, off-the-wall conversations spurred on by sporadic, uncensored, unfiltered thoughts.

I loves it and I will miss it.

Recently I was with my friend and we stopped at McDee's to get ourselves a Diet Coke so that we could continue the amazing conversation that we were having-- and not get parched as we talked the night away.

One of my favorite songs-- and apparently her's too-- came on because we both started singing at the top of our lungs together. We were in perfect synch as we were waiting for our turn to pay and get our drinks. Bouncing along, singing-- It was absolutely perfect. It's times like these that make up my Kodak moments of life-- complete with a soundtrack.

And then my friend started singing the last verse.  Or what she thought was the last verse.

Just as the McDee's Man opened the window he heard TWO versions of that verse.

Mine of course, was the correct version because we (the McDee's man and I) both at the same time said to my friend "What did you just say?"

She looked at me, scrunched up her nose and said "Stop it! I sang the lyrics."

I looked at the McDee's man, who was laughing, and said  "Uhhh... No you didn't. Sing it again."

Which she did.

And it was wrong.

In so many ways, it was wrong, wrong baby, wrong. 

Me: Did you just say "like a hair on your untrimmed chest?"

Friend*: Yes. Shut up! That's the line in the song.

Me: And then what did you sing?

(McDonalds man is still listening. AND LAUGHING)

Friend: Like a bird in your vagina.

Me: Uhh.. Yeah. That's not how the song goes.

Friend: Yes it is. Stop being such a prude.

Me: Seriously. That is NOT the lyrics to this song.

Friend: It is too.

Me: WHY for the love of all things holy would you put a bird in your vagina? For hell's sake, REALLY?  A BIRD? In your vagina. Wuh the wuh-wuh??

(McDee's man is wiping the tears now as he listens to this gift I am giving him).

Friend: Uhhh. I thought it was some weird sex thing.

(McDee's Man starts laughing even harder) 

Me: Seriously? Think about it. A Bird. IN your vagina. For reals? WHY?

Friend: I dunno. Maybe not?

Me: That's right. Positively not.

Friend: Ok, Smarty Pants. What are the lyrics then?

Me:  LIKE A VIRGIN, YOU'RE MADONNA.

(McDee's man bursts out laughing. Again.) 

Friend: Shut up. Both y'all.(points to the McDee's man and Me) I'll never speak to either of you again if you tell anyone it was me that sang it this way.

Me: Oh. For sure. I'll never tell a living soul. Pinky Swear. **

And I turned to the McDee's man, and said "You're welcome and have a nice day."

And now You're Welcome, and I hope YOU have a nice day.

You will never be able to sing that song again without thinking of me. And my dumb cute friend.


*identity kept a secret to protect the guilty. 

**she is aware of this post and approves of it. sort of. in an anonymous sort of way. 

"A strong positive attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug." - Patricia Neal

I give my teenage son and his friends (and my daughter, too) a public service announcement every time I see them and twice a day when I drive them all to school.

It started as a joke at the beginning of the year I would greet them with a hearty "Hello Children of the Corn!" and then snicker all the way to school because they had no idea what I was saying.

That lasted all of two days when one of the smarty-pant boys got in the car and said "I Googled that and I know what the means now. You're calling us killers."

So, I added something new that day to my routine.

 I greeted all of them with the same hearty hello and then sent them on their way with a rousing "Don't kill anyone today! Make good choices, and just say NO to drugs and porn."

When I pick them up from school I ask them all how their days were, and specifically ask "Did you kill anyone today? Smoke any pot? Looked at any naughty pictures?" When they all responded with a resounding NO! I break out an enthusiastic round of applause and yell "YAY! You did it! You had a super successful day! Great job guys!" 

At first they were horrified that I would say that to them.

I mean what Mother in their right mind would openly talk to their kids like that about killing, drugs and porn?

Me, that's who.

For the longest time, they didn't know how to handle my little PSA announcement as they were dropped off and picked up. Honestly, I think I scared them for a while. They just didn't know how to take me.

Whenever my son would have his friends over, I would make sure that I said that my mantra to all of them. I wanted them to know what my "expectations" were.

It's funny to see how it's now turned into something that my son expects of me. He had a friend over spending the night and as I wandered off to bed, I told them my abbreviated mantra: "Make good choices tonight guys and just say no to porn!"

Thing 2's friend looked shell-shocked and as I headed up the stairs I heard him say "What the heck did your Mom just say?" Thing2 proceeded to tell him that I always tell him that "Make good choices and just say no to drugs and porn" He then said "she sometimes throws other stuff in there too, but she always reminds me to say no and make good choices. She just wants us to be good."

And that right there warmed my heart.

That really IS all I want.

I want them to make good choices.

I want them to say no to drugs and porn.

If I say it enough, maybe when they are faced with a choice, they will hear me in their heads warning them to "make good choices and just say no."

I like to think that it's working, too. One summer we spent the entire summer, every chance we got, pounding the story of Joseph who was sold into Egypt into their brains. He was faced with a choice-- a naughty girl wanted to do naughty things with him -- and he turned around and ran. He ran so fast out of there that he left his coat. THAT HE WAS WEARING. That's high-tailing it out of Dodge pretty dang fast, if you ask me.

The pounding of that story into their brains is working -- along with my daily mantra -- because one night Thing 2 came home from a sleepover at 1am. He hummed and hawed around and finally told me that the boys were doing and saying bad stuff, so he told them to stop and they wouldn't. He asked again, and they still refused and he remembered Joseph running away and Me always telling him to make good choices, so he packed it up and WALKED HOME.

He made a good choice, peeps. He did it. He was successful. 

The boys from the carpool have asked me to add one more thing to my daily mantra: Don't steal anyone's soul today.

I will gladly oblige and say it over and over again if it will help them all to keep their noses clean.

"Make Good Choices, people. Don't kill anyone today and no stealing people's souls. And remember:  just say NO to drugs and porn."

If you can do all that, you will have a successful day!

*****
That's all she wrote, peeps.

I'm working on a super fun project that's keeping me pretty busy-- and you can join me if you want.

1. Dear Chicago - Ryan Adams
2. A Punk - Vampire Weekend
3. Colors - Amos Lee
4. Sex On Fire - Kings of Leon
5. The Shadowlands - Ryan Adams
6. Smile - Mia & Jonah
7. No Ones Gonna Love You - Band of Horses
8. Heart Skipped A Beat - The Xx
9. Somebody That I Used to Know - Gotye
10.  Free Fallin' (live) (acoustic) - John Mayer

Bonus: Grace Is Gone - Dave Matthews Band

Writing in my journal has always been an important part of my life. I carry various notebooks with me everywhere I go and write down the thoughts and feelings I have. Sometimes I am able to go weeks without something needing to get out, and other times I can't seem to write my thoughts down fast enough-- hence my blog.

Typing my thoughts out is much faster than taking pen to paper.

However, I literally have hundreds of notebooks and journals floating around that contain my thoughts, struggles, trials, Quotes and words of encouragement that I hear from others. When I am really struggling, my notebooks are ever present and I record everything that pricks my heart and helps me feel like I can move forward.

Recording the stories of my family is important to me and I hope that my children and grandchildren will thank me one day for taking the time to capture them. I know how I feel when I am able to read the private thoughts of my Grandparents-- It makes me feel connected to them and I understand myself more when I am able to read their words.

My Father took the time one year to transcribe my Grandmothers journal and then had it bound for all of us as a Christmas gift. I promptly sat down and devoured every single word. She had a hard life and yet she never lost her faith, in fact she lived by it. She never said an unkind word about anyone-- a trait that my Father inherited.

My Dad did the same thing with my Grandfathers journal and when I saw my Grandpa's handwriting, tears sprang to my eyes. He had beautiful handwriting, which I think was rather common place in the 30's and 40's. His journal was full of poems-- some silly, others serious-- and it just fit that his journal be filled with these things. I remember him always telling us poems and stories and how much I loved hearing them. He was a jokester and had such a healthy sense of humor.

Reading my Grandparents journals did for me what the man in the video said it did for him-- it helped me understand myself better. I am stubborn, so is my Grandmother. I love to laugh, joke and tease, and so did my Grandfather. Understanding who my ancestors were is helping me to understand better who I am. And, who I have the potential to become.

I love hearing the stories of "the olden days" -- stories that my Grandparents would tell, and also the ones that my parents would tell. Some of my fondest memories involve me and my Dad sitting around our kitchen table and him telling me stories about what it was like to grow up in Randolph, Utah.

The coldest place on the face of the planet. And a place that time forgot.

Recently Family Search asked me to help them write on their blog about the 1940's and as I have been researching it, reading about it and frankly learning about my own personal heritage, I have felt my heart being pricked yet again.

 I know that I want to do it -- gather my family's stories -- and the Spirit is speaking to me, but keeping that fire ignited all the time is hard. The fire comes and goes in wanting to collect the dates, but the gathering of stories is something that has always been very important to me.

Truthfully, the stories are what we fall in love with-- not obscure dates-- and the stories are what helps us power through the difficult trials that we may encounter in life. At least that's been my experience while working on this project.

Family Search is looking for Blog Ambassadors to help rally the troops and get people excited about not only the 1940's but helping execute the largest community service project ever recorded -- Indexing the 1940 Census. Anyone, from any religion, can help be an ambassador (and win swanky cool prizes) and anyone can help index the 1940's Census.

Heck. They've made it so easy to participate-- you can even index from your phone, iPod, iPad or iTouch now-- because there's an App for that! 

Guys, this is a good thing to be involved in. Think about the people in your past that you love, and the support, comfort and help they have given you. Digitizing these records will make it possible for other relatives to connect with them and feel these feelings as well.

At the very least, the documents that are being digitized could be what your posterity needs in order to feel like they can "carry on in this little trial".

Click here to participate in the Blog Ambassador Program and click here to help in the 1940 Community Project.