Moxie is at the age where she says pretty much everything that comes to her mind and it keeps us not only on our toes, but laughing hysterically.

She notices everything and comments on it all. Sans a filter and I sort of love it.

Because this kid?

She’s funny.

Peeps.

Her sense of humor is strong and prevalent. It’s one of the things I love about her! She’s only four, and she has a super quick wit and wry sense of humor. It makes me excited to see what it evolves into the older she gets.

Take for instance these conversations that she had with me and her siblings. We were chatting in bed the other night—because “she found her words and they needed to get out” – and she was jumping from one train of thought to the next faster than a speeding bullet.

We would barely get registered the funny things she was saying, and she was off again on another brain tangent.

I love it when my kids are this age. Every single one of them has had these verbal purge moments and it completely melts my heart and is the highlight of mothering for me. They say basically everything that comes to mind—and yes. Sometimes it’s even inappropriate.

{ Why is that man so fat Mommy? } 

{Why does the birds sing like that Mommy?}

{What is that man’s name Mommy? No. Really. WHAT is his name [this is when I make up strange names and stories about the people she wondering about, just so that she will move on to the next thought] }

It always makes me sad when they grow out of this stage because this is the best one of all. We can listen to them say everything that we are thinking, and they can’t get in trouble for it ‘cause they’re too dang cute. And further, we can join in and be silly with them and not even bat an eye at the awkwardness that is the conversation. Those are the best conversations ever.

Take these most recent ones:

Me: Where’s my phone?

Moxie: People’s makes lots of calls, huh Mom?

Me: Yeah.

Moxie: Well. The man says ‘One Call, and That’s All.’

Me: {gut busting laugh} YES! Yes He. Does.

Moxie: And you know what Mom?

Me: What?

Moxie: I thinks he’s right. Peoples makes too many calls. One is enough.

*****

Me: Want some fries?

Moxie: Yes.

{Silence while fries are eaten}

Moxie: Mom?

Me: Yes?

Moxie: Did you know that Unicorns live on Mars?

*****

The day we move into boring, regular every-day conversations is the day I start to mourn. She is my baby. My last. The end of the awesome, off-the-wall conversations spurred on by sporadic, uncensored, unfiltered thoughts.

I loves it and I will miss it.

Recently I was with my friend and we stopped at McDee's to get ourselves a Diet Coke so that we could continue the amazing conversation that we were having-- and not get parched as we talked the night away.

One of my favorite songs-- and apparently her's too-- came on because we both started singing at the top of our lungs together. We were in perfect synch as we were waiting for our turn to pay and get our drinks. Bouncing along, singing-- It was absolutely perfect. It's times like these that make up my Kodak moments of life-- complete with a soundtrack.

And then my friend started singing the last verse.  Or what she thought was the last verse.

Just as the McDee's Man opened the window he heard TWO versions of that verse.

Mine of course, was the correct version because we (the McDee's man and I) both at the same time said to my friend "What did you just say?"

She looked at me, scrunched up her nose and said "Stop it! I sang the lyrics."

I looked at the McDee's man, who was laughing, and said  "Uhhh... No you didn't. Sing it again."

Which she did.

And it was wrong.

In so many ways, it was wrong, wrong baby, wrong. 

Me: Did you just say "like a hair on your untrimmed chest?"

Friend*: Yes. Shut up! That's the line in the song.

Me: And then what did you sing?

(McDonalds man is still listening. AND LAUGHING)

Friend: Like a bird in your vagina.

Me: Uhh.. Yeah. That's not how the song goes.

Friend: Yes it is. Stop being such a prude.

Me: Seriously. That is NOT the lyrics to this song.

Friend: It is too.

Me: WHY for the love of all things holy would you put a bird in your vagina? For hell's sake, REALLY?  A BIRD? In your vagina. Wuh the wuh-wuh??

(McDee's man is wiping the tears now as he listens to this gift I am giving him).

Friend: Uhhh. I thought it was some weird sex thing.

(McDee's Man starts laughing even harder) 

Me: Seriously? Think about it. A Bird. IN your vagina. For reals? WHY?

Friend: I dunno. Maybe not?

Me: That's right. Positively not.

Friend: Ok, Smarty Pants. What are the lyrics then?

Me:  LIKE A VIRGIN, YOU'RE MADONNA.

(McDee's man bursts out laughing. Again.) 

Friend: Shut up. Both y'all.(points to the McDee's man and Me) I'll never speak to either of you again if you tell anyone it was me that sang it this way.

Me: Oh. For sure. I'll never tell a living soul. Pinky Swear. **

And I turned to the McDee's man, and said "You're welcome and have a nice day."

And now You're Welcome, and I hope YOU have a nice day.

You will never be able to sing that song again without thinking of me. And my dumb cute friend.


*identity kept a secret to protect the guilty. 

**she is aware of this post and approves of it. sort of. in an anonymous sort of way. 

Random Thoughts for today:

1. Why do I wake up with a headache every morning? 
2. That statement up there is truer than true. I'd like to bear my testimony of it and I know it's true. Amen. 
3. Why is it that when my children CAN'T sleep in they do, and when they CAN sleep in the don't? 
4. Dear Cottonwood Trees: I have a chain saw and I know how to use it. kthxbye. oh. ps: I hate you you stupid Cottonwood Trees. You are making me more miserable than summer vacation is right now. 
5. I told my kids that if they didn't clean their rooms better and keep their floors clean and clothes picked up they would get bed bugs. They are all freaked out now and cleaning like crazy. Does that make me a bad mother? 
6. The best way to save money is to have Moxie hide your debit card in the "Jeet" so you can't find it. I'm  too lazy to go to the bank and get checks and it takes FOREVER to get a new debit card. Hence: Money Saved. 
7. I'm still putting my good vibrations out into the Universe for the freaking damn iPad2. I will get one before the end of the year, if its the last thing I do. I had enough money a while ago to buy one, but then I got my car fixed instead. 
8. I hate my car. Just so you know. It needs more work done. Stupid car, keeping me from my Precious.
9. I wanted to try that Slim and Sassy stuff from doTERRA, so I got a bottle. I did like it said and put 25 drops in my water. When I took a drink I may have looked a little like Linda Blair sans the head spinning. And green stuff. It tasted like butt. Not that I know butt tastes like, mind you,  I'm just sayin'. It was nasty. I really want to use it-- my neighbor is dropping the weight like flies. But, I can't get past the taste. And now I'm afraid to even try a little drop because seriously? There is nothing worse than a nasty taste in your mouth. That you put there. On purpose. 
10. I survived the first week of being held hostage summer vacation. Only eleven more weeks to go. 
11. I love that my kids love old music. I am listening to the random play list right now, and I have encountered the best music ever! I am so glad they like "my" kind of music and not that crap most teenagers listen to.  That stuff makes my PTSD from when we were in law school kick in and my eye twitching goes into over drive. I think I need to write down all my law school stories. I was telling them to someone yesterday and they were DYING laughing. And were horrified. All at the same time. I've got some DOOZIES!
12. I turn Forty this weekend, and I think I am OK with it. I was freaked out about it when I turned thirty-nine last year, but I have decided that I'm Forty and Free. Being Forty means I can do whatever I want and not have to care one stinking bit about what other people think. 
13. I bought myself this hat to wear and I love it (I also bought this one, too). People look at me funny when I wear it around town and I don't even care (because I'm Forty and Free, remember?). In fact, I am going to wear it to church on Sunday--- my birthday-- just because I can.  
14. Thing 3 told me last night that she was dying because I didn't have any candy or soda in the house. "I just can't survive any longer without candy or soda, Mom." We have a problem, don't you think? I haven't bought a case of soda for two weeks. I want them to start drinking water. 
15. I have, however, been going to McDonald's every day and getting me my Diet Coke. They put crack in it, did you know? It's true. And, it is a sad commentary on your life when you become the Duchess (yelp) and Mayor(foursquare) of McDonald's.

Go Me!

Have a great weekend. I'm headed for some much needed sun, fun and relaxation. I can. not. wait. to ditch my kids with the Grandparents again. We rented us a swanky car for the 5 hour car ride and I think I'll wear my new hat and pretend we are Parisian Millionaires jetting around "The States".

1. Man Is Alive - Luka Bloom 
2. Break On Through to The Other Side - The Doors
3. Just Like Heaven - The Watson Twins
4. I Have Loved You Wrong - The Swell Season
5. I Walk the Line - Johnny Cash
6. Fortunate Son - Creedance Clearwater Revival
7. Stay (Faraway, So Close!) - U2
8. Uptown Girl - Billy Joel
9. Cannonball (Live) - Damien Rice
10. No Such Thing - John Mayer

Bonus: Street Corner Preacher - Amos Lee

Thanks to Trop50 for sponsoring my writing about fabulous bloggers. This year Trop50 is granting 50 Fabulous Wishes. Click here to enter for a chance to win $1,000 to celebrate a friend with a refreshing attitude about looking and feeling fabulous!

- - - - - - -

I have been thinking a lot lately about what blogging has done for me. It has given me a voice and has helped me sharpen my sense of humor. It has given me a place to record the day-to-day stages of my children so that when I have Alzheimer's I can have my kids read my blog to me and maybe I will remember— a la The Notebook.

But more than anything it has introduced me to some amazing people. I have been able to connect with women around the world in a way that I never would have been able to do had I not been blogging. Some of my dearest friends have come because of this crazy “emotional outlet”.

Caroline

She is one of the smartest women I know. Period. Her brain works in ways that mine doesn’t and she thinks differently than me. I love talking with her because she sees the details in everything. That woman has business sense and her creativity boggles my mind.

We met when she heard “through the grapevine” that I wanted a blog header. She sent me an email and said “I’ll re-do your blog for you—for free.” And that was how we started our friendship. I would email her. She’d email me back. Then I emailed her in the middle of the night one night about my hair-brained ideas for MMB and she said “Give me your phone number I am calling you right now.”
And now we talk on the phone every single day. Twice on Thursdays.

She cracks me up because people are scared of her. We have the good cop/bad cop routine down to a science and it makes me laugh. She makes me laugh and that’s one of the best qualities to have. She knows the in’s and out’s of my life—you have to when you are in business with each other and I can honestly say that not only is she my business partner, she is probably my best friend, too.

Veronica

She is one of the most peaceful women I know. She has a calming effect on me, and I love to be around her because of the way she makes me feel. She is grounded, centered, non-judgmental and never burns a bridge. Ever. But not only that, she is wicked smart.

I learned that after spending 12 hours in the car with her last November. We bounced idea after idea off each other and it was a veritable idea feast. Once we put or heads together we realized we shared the same brain and it was actually a pretty smart brain at that.

Our creative ideas feed off each other and when we brainstorm we come up with amazing marketing campaigns.She has also become one of my closest friends, and I simply adore her. Never mind the fact that she has kids the exact same age as my kids. That’s a bonus. Including a cute 16 year old boy that I am hoping will date my cute 16 year old girl (which totally freaks her out, btw).

Julie

Julie is one of the kindest people I know. She always looks for the good in people and always assumes the best about them. She will give you the shirt off her back, if she thinks it would help you out and never once expect anything in return.

She is also wicked smart and can code things like nobodies business. She is quiet and humble and has a soothing influence on me. Julie is fearless. If she wants something, she simply finds an email address and then sends an email. I was floored the first time she told me that. Who does that? Julie, that’s who. She has shared that confidence with me, and I am starting to become more fearless, with regards to emailing whomever I need to in order to get what I need.

Melissa

This girl is so freaking funny. She sends out the craziest emails in the middle of the night and I have to be careful to not read them while Jefe is sleeping. That is a quality that I greatly admire—the ability to make people laugh. And, Melissa has that quality. To this day, I can not walk through Wal-mart without remembering her post about how she prayed while she was there to not poop her pants. I seriously DIED when I was reading that. And then imagine Caroline reading her entire blog to you over the phone. I was praying I wouldn’t pee my pants. Melissa is funny, and under appreciated in that arena.

She is also one of the most talented graphic designers I have yet to lay my little eye-balls on. She made the MMB and CBC community and network logos for us, and I still look at them and swoon with love. I love how her mind works and how totally fast she can make something beautiful.

DeNae

She is like the older sister I never had. I met her when she asked to be added to the MMB Funny Ladies list and then sent me this hilarious post about the Israelites and “their time of the month”. Oh my goodness. I laughed so hard I thought I just might die. When I actually got her phone number I thought I had been accepted into the Celestial kingdom early.

She is solid. She is wicked funny and she is my dear friend. We text more than we don’t and I love that she gets my sense of humor. I have a weird one and she is right there next to me feeding me one liners faster than I can memorize them. She can take the most mundane thing and make it hysterical and then wax philosophical in the next breath and leave you begging for more.

But not only that she is my balcony person. She is always there, in the balcony of my life cheering me on. Everyone needs a person like that in their life, and DeNae is mine. I can tell her my hair-brained ideas and if they really are “out there” she reigns me in. If there is something to it, she tells me to work a little harder. She believes in me. And that means more to me than anything else.

That my friends is what blogging has done for me. It has brought this amazing group of women into my life—from D.C to Vegas to Oregon and Boise. I never would have been able to meet these amazing women, and talk over our proverbial back fences the way we do, if it weren’t for the medium of blogging.

- - - - - - -

Don't forget to enter the 50 Fabulous Wishes contest for a chance to win $1,000 to celebrate a friend with a refreshing attitude about looking and feeling fabulous. I was selected for this Tropicana Trop50 sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do. I received compensation to use and facilitate my post.

This conversation happened between Moxie and my sister.

Sister: Hey Moxie. Whatcha doin'?

Moxie: Looking out da window.

Sis: Oh. What do you see?

Moxie: Popcorn.

Sis: {laughing} Really? What's it doing?

Moxie: Popping.

Sis: {more laughing} Where's it popping?

Moxie:  On da tree.

Caroline and I like to talk on the phone WHILE we work on the computer. We’re super efficient like that.

It usually involves a lot of typing, heavy breathing and the occasional commentary on what we’re each doing. It’s a great friendship.

When we need to clean the house, we call each other and solve the entire worlds problems in a hour and a half AND get a clean house.

We’re freakin’ brilliant!

One night while we were “working” and chatting we had the following conversation:

Caroline: Why did you like NPR on Facebook?

Me: Wuh?

Caroline: You liked NPR on Facebook. Why? They’re a bunch of whackos.

Me: What are you talking about?

Caroline: {sigh} On Facebook. You liked NPR. You’re not like that. They’re those crazy right-wing-nut jobs.

Me: Seriously. I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Caroline: NPR. Why do you like it? They are crazy gun people.

Me:  Umm… That’s the NRA. NPR is a radio station that is mostly Talk Radio.

{crickets chirping}

Caroline: SHUT UP!

Imagine my shock—nay, Horror—when I asked my children what they wanted for breakfast, and they actually responded. As if I were their waitress/short order cook.

“Hello. My name is Cindy and I’ll be your waitress/short order cook this morning. What can I  get you?”

"Yes, Thank you. I'll have a pancake for breakfast, he'll have eggs and toast, and she wants a tuna sandwich and she would like macaroni and cheese."

*screech*

*crickets chirping*

*a dog barking in the distance*

Did you say Macaroni & Cheese and Tuna fish??

For breakfast?

That's just weird.

Me: Who are you?

Moxie: I MOXIE!

Me: How old are you Moxie?

Moxie: Ummm... Hum.... I 46!

Me: 46? Really?

Moxie: Yup. 46.

Me: Well, if you're 46 that means you're a big girl and you should poop in the potty!

Moxie: I not a big girl! I da baby!

Me: Well. 46 year old's don't poop their pants.

Thing 1: Mom?

{waits}

Thing 1: Mom?!

{tap tap tap}

{on my forehead}


Thing 1: MOM! Are you awake?

{tap tap tap}

{on my forehead}

{again}


Me: I am now. What do you want?

Thing 1: Can you take me to school today? I don't want to ride the bus.

Me: Wuh? What time is it?

Thing 1: It's 6am Mom and I don't want to ride the bus, can you take me?

Me: Uhh... Wuh.... Why?

Thing 1: It's raining, Mom, and I don't want to walk to the bus in the rain.

Me: Huh? What? Can't you just run out when the bus comes?

Thing 1: NO MOM! I'll get wet and I don't want to get wet.

Me: Seriously? Just run out when the bus comes. Maybe it won't be raining.

Thing 1: Please Mom. I don't want to get wet and the bus is all the way down there and my bag is heavy.

Me: Are you kidding me? The bus picks you up ACROSS THE STREET!

Thing 1: I'll get wet, Mom. Plleeeaaassseee?

{later}

{when I'm being a SUCKA and driving her to school}

Thing 1: Can you drop me off in the Seminary parking lot?

Me: Why?

Thing 1: So I won't get wet.

{My eye is twitching}

Thing 1: You know what's really cool about the commandments, Mom?

Me: Nope. What?

Thing 1: It's totally cool how you can know exactly which commandments God wanted to be important to you.

Me: Really? How?

Thing 1: The commandments that are the hardest for you to keep are the ones that God wants to be the most important to you.

{insert my jaw dropping}

I think I was just schooled by my child.

Me: Umm. No. Why?

Thing 1: Because I was hoping you did.

Me: Why on earth would you hope I still had my clothes from when I was a teenager?

Thing 1: Because vintage clothes are IN. My friends are wearing some of their Mom's clothes from when they were teenagers. Their clothes are so totally cool, Mom!

Me: Why on earth would their Mothers still have clothes from when they were teenagers?

Thing 1: I dunno. But vintage is totally hip Mom. Do you have anything at all? Like even old sunglasses or earrings?

Me: Wait. Vintage? What do you mean vintage?

Thing 1: You know. Vintage. OLD. The 80's. *

Me: The 80's are vintage?

Thing 1: Yeah.

Me: I am NOT vintage.

*check out that link up there. Talk about memory lane! I can't believe these kids actually want to wear that stuff. (I bet that's what our parents were thinking!)

Me: Oooo. It stinks in here.

Thing 3: Yeah. It's gross.

Me: I'm going to roll down all the car windows, OK?

T3: Thank you Jesus for windows!

Thing3: Mom can we go eat at Blue Jay's?

Me: Blue Jay's? What's that?

Thing3: You know. That place that has the fries that you really like.

Me: I have no idea what you are talking about.

Thing3: Yes you do. You always say how much you love their fries.

Me: Really. I don't know what you're talking about.

Thing3: (starts singing) Red Robin, Yum. You know? That place?


Blue Jay's - Red Robin. I see the connection.

Thing 1: Mom, I'm glad you're my mom.

Me: Gosh, thanks. What brought that on?

Thing 1: You dress like a normal mom.

Me: Huh?

Thing 1: You don't dress like the other moms, and I'm glad.

Me: I don't get it. What does that mean?

Thing 1: All the other mom's dress in really tight clothes and it's embarrassing. They think they're teenagers. It's sort of gross. You dress in old people clothes and I'm glad.

Me: You like the way I dress?

Thing 1: Yeah. I do. I like that you don't dress like a teenager, but like an old person.

Me: Oh... Well... Uhhh... Thank you? And, you're welcome.

Jefe and I took the kids to stay in a Condo recently for a long weekend. It was a much needed relaxing weekend. We were a bunch of lazys-- laying around reading, sleeping... just vegging.

The condo was crazy Mac-Daddy nice! The bed was gigantic and fluffy. We decided after sleeping in that bed all weekend it was time to get us a Mac-Daddy bed too.

While out school shopping yesterday, I was an unwilling participant in the following conversation.

Grown Lady 1: Penny! Penny! Look at this! Oh my gosh! Penny!

Grown Lady1: Penny! Isn't this cute! Penny!

GL1: Penny! Look at this! Penny? Look. You're not looking Penny. Look!

Penny (also a grown up): I looked. It's cute.

GL1: Penny! Oh my gosh! This is adorable, Penny. Do you see it? Penny? PENNY?

GL1: Penny! What do you think? Penny! Does this make one outfit or two? Penny? Penny? one or two. Penny! I don't know. Penny? Penny?

Penny: I don't care.

Lady1: Penny! I love this. Don't you love this Penny. Penny? Penny? Where are you Penny?

GL1: Penny! I want to buy this. What do you think, Penny? Penny! Are you listening to me? Penny! Should I buy it?

GL1: PENNY! Why aren't you listening to me? Penny? Should I buy this? Penny? Are you listening to me?

GL 1: I dunno. Penny? Help me Penny. What do you think Penny? Penny. Did you hear me? Penny?

GL1: Penny? Penny. I love this Penny. Did you hear me Penny? Are you even listening to me, Penny? I dunno. I can't make up my mind Penny. Penny? What should I do? Penny! PENNY!

Me: For the love of all that's holy! Penny! Answer her so she will shut! up!

Me: Well good morning Sunshine!

Thing 1: Mom. (extremely grumpy) There is a marching band in our back yard.

Me: (laughing) No there's not. You were dreaming.

Thing1: Yes there is Mom. I can hear it. It's really loud and they woke me up.

Me: (laughing because now she's pouting and scowling!) Really? You really think there is a marching band in our backyard? What are they doing? Practicing?

Thing1: I dunno. But they are banging on drums and blowing tubas. It's freaking annoying and I want to sleep.

Me: There is not a marching band in our backyard.

Thing 3: (running into the room) Mom! There's a marching band in our backyard!

Me: Oh for Google's sake (I totally borrowed that from Pensievity)! There is not a marching band in our backyard. You guys are hearing things.

Thing3: Nut-uh, Mom. There totally is! (cocking her head to one side) Hear it?

Me: (looking out the back window) Well I'll be damed! There is a marching band in our backyard.

1. I had a dream about your Dad (the neighbor). He was trying to get me to eat more burgers.

2. Google totally answers my questions faster than God does.

3. I don't need a compass. I have GPS in my uterus. (said to the 13 year old boy in my Sunday School Class)

4. This dress makes me look fu-gly. (said in RS. I was supposed to be portraying the Virgin Mary)

5. The weight-loss God hates me.

6. You are the best Chicken renters I have ever had!

7. H & H? WTH??

8. Between Husband and Wife is totally gay. With a capitol G.

9. I think I broke a bone in my face I laughed so hard!

10. If you touch your sister one more time, I'm gonna touch you. Just sayin'.

Thing 3: Mom? Can we play beauty parlor?

Me: Sure. Get a brush

(Thing 3 brushes my hair)

Me: This is fun.

Thing3: Now I'm going to give you a pedicure. (starts rubbing my feet with lotion)

Me: (moans) Oh. That feels good! Let's play Beauty Parlor every day!

Thing 3: Mom, you need a 'real' pedicure.

Me: I do? Why?

Thing 3: Because your feet are nasty!

How do you argue with that?? I did what any of you would have done... I booked a 'real' pedicure with these guys.