10 Reasons I Hate Summer

Everyone is putting as their Facebook status how excited and happy they are that summer is here and their kids don't have school anymore. "No more arguing about homework or bedtimes! YAY!"

Uhhh... I don't feel like that.

In fact, I feel quite the opposite.

I would rather have to nag my kids about doing their homework and transport them hither and yon than have them here begging me to act as their summer-time cruise director.

Besides, I rarely have to nag them to go to bed at a decent hour-- they are all early birds.

Don't get me wrong. I am the consumate sun worshiper-- I love the hot weather, the swimming, the BBQ's and the long days.

However Julie McCoy I ain't. 

The fact that I am not looking forward to summer vacation makes me feel like a loser mother, too. What kind of mother doesn't get all excited and joy-filled that she will have her angel-buns around for the entire summer.

Me. That's who.

Wanna know why?

1. The stupid Ice Cream Man. He comes like 47 times a week. And you can't buy only one time and not the next 46 times because the kids? They have elephant brains and they remember everything. Right down to every single ice cream you bought and they have no problem reminding you every single time he comes. All 47 of them.

I am really starting to hate the ice cream man.

2. The incessant "I'm bored." I can only repeat "Only boring people get bored" so many times before I start to wonder myself about that load of crap. I am bored of hearing them say they are bored.

3. The lack of schedule. The school year brings a schedule to my life that I need. Summer sucks it right out of me. My kids think that the word Summer Vacation also means "Chore Vacation" and the fighting that occurs when I ask them to pick up their stinky socks is about more than I can handle.

4. The food. My freaking heck, the food. They are eating me out of house and home during the school year. I am horrified to think how astronomical my food bill is going to be this summer with two growing teenagers. All they do is eat. They eat from the time they get up until they close their eyes-- mid chew-- at night. The little kids are just as bad. Moxie is the biggest grazer I have ever seen. That kid eats all the live long day.

5. The fighting. Oh my laws, the fighting. They argue about everything. "She's breathing my air!" "She's breathing too loudly!" Seriously. All day long they argue. About the dumbest stuff, too. It doesn't matter how many times I ground them or send them to their rooms for the rest of their natural born lives... they will argue the minute they get out of their rooms. It makes me want to hide in mine and suck my thumb.

6. The late nights. I'm super old, people. I need my sleep. My kids? They turn into crazy vampire children in the summer time. They want to sleep all day and party like vampire rock stars all night long. By 10:00 I can hardly keep my eyes open and if I go much past 11:30 I feel like I have a giant no-sleep-hangover.

Not that I know what a hangover feels like, mind you.

7. The disorganized MESS that becomes my house. The kids disrobe the moment they walk into the house, leaving their crap right where it lands. No matter how many times I remind them that taking their clothes off in front of everyone is a no-no they leave it where it lands. People. I am tired of being the Crazyland maid. I need order. And structure. Summer takes both of things away.

8. Holy Laundry, Batman. Seriously. My little girls think that if a lady bug falls on them then they need to promptly change their clothes. I swear I do laundry from sun up to sun down and it still isn't done. I don't know why, but it is fifty-times worse in the summer.

9. Cruise Director Status. That was not in my job description. I don't want to have to entertain these monkeys 24/7. I want them to be self entertained. That may sound awful to those Mother-of-the-year types, but seriously? I get sick of playing "Kitty." I can only have my head petted so many times before I start wanting to kick someone.

10. Sleepovers. I hate sleepovers. And, my kids know this. We actually have a no-sleep-over-rule at our house (except for cousins and grandparents) and yet they still insist on asking us if they can have a sleep-over EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. It's like they're little alligators testing the electric fence we've built to keep them safe. "If we test the fence long enough she'll finally give in" is what I am certain they are plotting.

Don't get me wrong.

My kids are pretty great and I actually DO like being their Mom. I just dread the chaos that summer brings into a home where you have four vastly different age groups-- Teens, Pre-teens, Elementary and Pre-school. There is no way I can keep every single age group happy. Someone is going to be miserable. Or bored. Or irritated. Or left out.

Joy. Rapture.

Will the real Julie McCoy please stand up?