Where Has My Stupid Muse Gone?

Sometimes I find myself sitting at the computer trying to find something amazingly witty and insightful to write.

I'll sit and wait and wait and sit; then the idea comes.

I start typing only to strike out that and delete this and edit that... and then suddenly?  There is nothing left on the screen.

 I tap my nose, squint my eyes and look heavenward, calling out to that magical writing muse to download something hilarious or deeply insightful to my brain.

I wait.

I ponder.

I look at other people's blogs.

And then it happens.


An idea starts to formulate and I start writing again.  But, Moxie starts crying and the dog is running around like a freak-a-zoid. So I tend to Moxie, put the crazy dog out and make Thing 3 another sandwich. When I am finally able to sit back down to the computer, do you know what happened? My amazingly hilarious and deeply insightful post has flown south for the winter. I cannot remember where I was going with what I was writing.

Toss it into the draft pile.

I start again.

I tap my nose (which is what you do when you are thinking deeply) and squint my eyes some more and call out a little louder for the magical writing muse to download something else wonderful. I wait. I sit. I surf. I eat some candy and drink my diet coke and then, like magic…

Brilliance! Sheer brilliance is downloaded into my brain! The process starts all over again of writing this and striking out that and deleting this paragraph and editing that.

Then the phone rings.

Thing 1 forgot her money and if I do not bring her something, like RIGHT NOW! She will surely die before she gets home in another 3 hours. DIE. She said die. So I push save and deliver the money to the dying child.

While I'm out, I remember that I needed to take the stuff in the trunk back to Kohls; get the tires balanced; pick up a birthday present; buy the stuff to make a salad for a church party; get some more paint rollers; go to the Good Will to get another pair of jeans for painting in—since the ones I have been using now have paint hand prints on my rear AND 2 giants holes in the knees; Change the baby's diaper, make dinner and walk the dumb dog.

Whew.

I'm tired.

When I get home and pull up the amazingly funny and insightful post that the magical writing muse has downloaded to my brain, this is all that was left:


Huh.

I have no idea where I was going with that little phrase or even where there was.

I decide to try one more time.

I tap my nose vigorously and squint my eyes, looking heavenward I yell:

"Oh Mighty Magical Writing Muse! I petition you one more time! Please, for the love of all that's holy, tell me where the bah-da-bah-da bing hubba hubba ding ding was going?"

Silence!

There is nothing but very loud silence.

I think my muse went on a freaking coffee break and forgot to come back.

Stupid magical writing muse.

So, here's my amazingly funny and deeply insightful post.

Or at least what was left after all the editing, the chores and the stupid magical writing muse went on her never-ending coffee break..
*pulled from the archives