Growing Pains

Over the years, I have written various posts with this song as the focus. It is the perfect song; one that defines the feelings I have of being the Mother of my children.

Thing 1 left today for Trek. I have been so excited for her to go, and then when it came down to the actual event... I cried. It was rather embarrassing. I cry at everything that is new with this oldest child of mine. I make myself promise that I won't... but I do. Every single time.

I love this daughter of mine-- this person who is flesh of my flesh-- so much that sometimes it hurts. It's not a bad hurt-- its a good hurt. But, it hurts none-the-less.

The lyrics of this song are sheer brilliance, in my opinion. They capture how most of us mothers feel about our children. It seems they are constantly slipping through our fingers... we are trying desperately to capture them, but they are just out of our grasp.

This baby of mine is growing into an amazing woman. She writes like a seasoned pro and has the vocabulary of college graduate. She has dreams, and places she wants to see... things she wants to do. She is so much like me, it's frightening. We butt heads like professional wrestlers... but oh how I love to hear her laugh.

Watching her grow brings a surge of that well know sadness: She is slipping through my fingers.

I am now not the most important person in her life, and she allows me to see and know only what she tells me. Oh how I long for the days past when all she wanted to do was cuddle on the couch and watch "Cats".

Time is playing a cruel, cruel trick on me. It seems like just yesterday she was my baby toddler standing on her tippy-toes, reaching for my hand. Now she is pushing away from me, while I stand on my tippy-toes, reaching forward trying desperately to grab her hand.

This is an odd, melancholy feeling that I feel.

I miss this child of mine. My thoughts are heavy with worry about her. Trek will be amazing and wonderful. She will learn the feelings of humility, gratitude and the Spirit. But the Mommy in me worries. Always. About all of my children.

I wish I could stop time, and freeze it. I would stop them from slipping through my fingers. But, that is not the plan. I know. And it makes my heart hurt just a little more, the further away she pulls.

"School bag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning. Waving Goodbye, with and absent minded smile..."