Infomercials. Do you watch them?

Last night when I couldn't sleep, I watched infomercials. I know, right? Infomercials are dangerous at 2am. Have you watched them lately? HOL-EE CRAP! What they are trying to sell us?

• How to make a million dollars on EBay. Send in $49.99 and we will teach you how to sell your crap on Ebay. Really? Isn't putting your crap up for sale on Ebay sort of self explanatory?
  


• How to style your hair from the inside out with this amazing hair straightener thing. Um. Won't that sort of hurt?
  


• "Save your life" power juicer. This juicer is supposedly going to SAVE YOUR LIFE! If you don't buy it, you WILL die. For real. That was their tag-line. Buy it or die.
• Motionless weight loss. HUH? Need I say more about THAT one? I mean, isn't the whole point of excercise/weight loss the idea that you need to GET OFF THE COUCH?
  


• Magic Jack. I seriously don't get this one. Just the name makes me think it's a scam.
  


• Clean Colon the secret to your health and vitality. It was sort of a "You and your colon" infomercial. They were really playing on peoples fears of Cancer. Frankly, it grossed me out when he started talking about all the goo on the walls of my intestines. I think I may have thrown up a little inside my mouth.


• The Neckline Slimmer. The "break through" we've been waiting for our necklines. I didn't know my neckline was waiting for something. It seems to me that if I would just eat healthy and loose weight, I would have the same results. AND. They have a special carrying case.
  


• Mighty Mend-it. (Billy Mays. Why did you have to die? Who else is going to yell at me through the TV?) Will you mock me if I tell you that I want this? I do. I want it so I can bond a new piece of leather to my brand new leather couch. Why? Because my dumb dog BURIED a loaf of bread in the couch. Yes. She did. She dug a hole in the leather couch. But that's another story for another time.
  

Infomercials must work if I'm coveting the mighty mend-it.