Hello my long lost friends. How have you been? I have been MIA from blogland... well, really from  life lately. Oh how I have missed you, though. I would think about you every day, and actually compose things that I wanted to tell you in my head. But, when the time came to actually sit down and transcribe what I had perfectly composed in my brain... The words had evaporated.  I could taste them, lingering in my mind and taunting me with their flavor. It's a frustrating feeling, the one of not being able to write what is there, just out of your reach.

However, there have been life events recently that have awoken my muse with a fury and the fountain is over flowing. So to speak. I am hopeful that I will find myself writing on a more consistent basis...sharing the stories that make up the minutia of my life. And, lets be frank: The stories I share make you feel better about your life because you can say "Well, at least I wasn't as dumb as Elisa and didn't take a shower with the blinds open for the whole world to see."

You're welcome. 

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I have had two people whom I love dearly die this past week.

One -- my Uncle Monte -- was unexpected. But then, not really. He was old and lived a full, righteous, authentically beautiful life. He married Jefe and I. I think that was the highlight of the ceremony for me, truthfully. Having someone who has known me my whole life take the time out of their life to marry me and Jefe. He gave us words of council... and encouragement.

He always made time for his family... even silly nieces like me. When I would be downtown, I would drop by his office unexpected, and he would always stop what he was doing to visit with me. He would always take my calls when I would call. He made me feel like I was important to him.

When I was single, and my Father was commuting to work in Seattle, I was sort of big, giant hairy mess. I needed council from a Priesthood leader, and I turned to my Uncle Monte. He took a lot of time out of his busy schedule to be the Father figure in my life. Not because my own father didn't want to, but because he was unable to. He filled in... Daddy Daughter activities; priesthood blessings; and just being there for our family to call upon when Dad wasn't home. He counseled me and helped me make some key, critical decisions.

My cousin and I flew by our 19 and 20 year old selves-- solo-- all the way to Hong Kong to visit him. Yes. We have a very close family, and that has always been a source of great comfort for me.

I have always felt a bond with him because his birthday was the day before mine. I never forgot it, I just wish I would have acknowledged it more... actually told him that I always remembered his birthday. 

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The other death this week was my sweet cousin, Jenifer. She was 36 years young and it's just not right that she's not here any longer. She was vivacious, and boy howdy! That woman LOVED life. She lived it Out Loud, Authentically, and With Purpose. She taught me about unconditional love-- she loved and excepted everyone. Warts and all.

I have been watching her Facebook page over the past several days, and seeing the comments from her friends shows me the scope of influence this woman had with people. There are comments after comments about how she made people feel. And really? In the final analysis, that's all we have. How we make others feel when they are in our presence. She figured it out, and she became the master of making others feel good.

I had the privilege of babysitting her oldest son for several years before I moved to Chicago. She would drop him off at the butt-crack of dawn and then when she would pick him up, we would sit around in my apartment and BS until the cows came home. My word, that girl had a great sense of humor! We would start laughing, and hearing her laugh would make me laugh even more.

There is only one person who rivals me in my Diet Coke addiction, and that would be Jen. I suspect they found Diet Coke pumping through those beautiful veins of hers.

I adore Jen and Her Mother, Jan. They look more like sisters than they do Mother and Daughter. They had a bond-- a friendship-- that I have tried desperately to duplicate with my own daughters. Only time will tell if I have been able to follow their example.

These deaths have left my emotions open, exposed and raw.

I am feeling lots of  things and some of them are things that I had long forgotten. There have been several times over the past few days when I have felt my thoughts being guided --influenced almost. It has left me wondering if these two critical, key players in my game of life have been visiting and whispering things in my ear. Things to me to help me remember.

It wouldn't surprise me one little bit if they had.

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These deaths have left me wanting to live my life authentically, with purpose and out loud. No more waiting for this or that to happen so I can start living...  When you see someone younger than you die, it reminds you that life is indeed too short to sit around waiting for life to happen to you. YOU have to make life happen. And, I intend to do just that.

I suppose that is what death does. It makes you contemplative about life and the things you are doing and the things (people) you are neglecting. You start remembering. For me, these deaths have left me wanting to try a little harder to be a little better. A little more connected and little more there... a little more present... and a lot more connected to the ones that I love.


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Have a great weekend, peeps. I have major family time scheduled for the next three days. It will be wonderful to see everyone again, I just wish it were under happier circumstances.

1. Just Like Heaven - The Watson Twins
2. Let Me Go Home - Camera Obscura
3. Except The New Girl - Chris Isaak
4. Let It Be Me - Ray LaMontagne
5. Some Unholy War - Amy Winehouse
6. Don't Stop Believin' - Journey
7. Treat Me Right - Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
8. So Damn Lucky - Dave Matthews Band
9. Tennessee Sucks - Ryan Adams
10. Why Can't He Be You - Norah Jones

Bonus: Times Like These - Kid Rock

I went running for the first time in a couple of weeks on Friday. I was surprised with a couple of things that happened.

First, my body completely and totally rebelled. It had only been a week or so of utter laziness, and yet my body was completely willing to revert back to that lazy stage.

Revert ALL the way back.

It was horrifying actually to see how quickly I lost my endurance.

However, the amazing thing that happened was when I started running, and I could feel those endorphins kick in, along with my amazeballs playlist that I have slowly crafted started blaring in my ear.  I felt this little feeling starting to grow. That feeling kept growing until I found myself grinning from ear to ear, which then made me giggle.

It felt good to be pounding that pavement again, and I suddenly realized I had missed that solo time with me, my tunes and my thoughts.

I actually smiled for quite a while, as I pounded that pavement,  and at one time I realized -- because the city workers had stopped to stare-- that I was singing at the top of my lungs. Yes. I was totally singing Rhianna's Don't Stop the Music at the top of my lungs-- complete with hand actions.

Don't judge.

Or laugh.

It felt great. 

It took me slightly longer than usual to finish my run, but I felt amazing. And happy. In fact, if I knew how to do a front hand spring, or a back hand spring, or hell even a cartwheel, I totally would have. That seemed like the perfect punctuation to how I felt at the end of my run.

I am totally shocked to see myself write this next sentence but my gosh peeps, I love running.

I am still really sucky at running, but here's hoping that I will eventually be able to run a solid 30 minutes-- straight, without stopping to slowly die. 

I can honestly say that running is something I'm not naturally good at... Exercise is not something that I am naturally good at; however, that being said, I am willing to work and try until I am good at it.

I guess that's what life is all about, learning that you can do hard things... things that you are not naturally good at. Just because you sort of suck at something doesn't mean you don't try. It just means you do what it takes to get to where you want to be.


Even if it means you have to run.