I sort of hate this time of year.

I do.

I really hate it. Like A lot.

Let me explain...

Moxie is a pretty easy going kid. She will sit at her desk next to mine and "work" as long as I need to work. She has baskets of old scrapbook paper, glue sticks, staplers and tape galore to entertain her. It's actually quite fun, because she'll start singing along with the music and frankly? The kid has pipes.

She knows all the words to Pump Up The Kicks, Someone Like You and I Gotta Feelin'. When the latter comes on, she actually has to get up into the window seat of the office and dance for me. It totally cracks me up-- this little three year old go-go dancer shakin' her bon bon for all the world to see.

Lately, however, she has been watching all sorts of "shows" on TV. I use that term loosely because really what she's watching are the friggin' toy commercials. If she could have 24 hours straight of toy commercials, the kid would be in hog heaven.

She'll come running into my office screaming "Mama! Come see! COME SEE!"

The first couple of times, I freaked out because she's never done that before. I went running to see what all the hysteria was about... The Barbie Princess Castle.

The next time it was because of a Team Umizoomi Christmas Special. IN TWO WEEKS.

The next time? Dora was celebrating Christmas with all her peeps, and Moxie wanted to go. Like G-O NOW.

There is no explaining to a three-year old the ins and outs of marketing and toy commercials. She just does. not. get it. At All.

So as long as the TV is on, I have to be prepared to be pulled to the Television to witness the beauty of every single toy commercial and Christmas show preview that is aired.

Every. Single. One.

All the live long day.

It's horribly painful.

I even went so far as to "break" the TV so that it wouldn't work and all she could do was hang with me and work her crafting magic. But, then she found the "me-rote" and away we went on the Merry-go-round ride of never ending Christmas commercials.


It's killing me, this magical time of year. If I have to hear one more time "Can I has that for my birthday? Will Santa bring it for my birthday?" I think I may go postal.

I just smile, nod and say "Yes. Santa will totally bring that for your birthday." And then walk away. Because really? How else do you stop the madness?

Just smile and nod, peeps. Smile and nod.

There's only twenty-eight more days of this toy madness.

The most wonderful time of the year? I think not. It blows, yo.

When I have pressing work items that need to be done, I procrastinate and clean my house. I clean like a crazed mad woman who is on a mission to rid the world of uncleanliness.

It's strange that I do that, with regards to my work, because when I have pressing items that need dealing with in my personal life? I retreat and hide. I stop cleaning. I stop cooking. I stop functioning. I stop being.

That has been me for the last eleven months -- Retreating and hiding from my personal life, hoping it would somehow just fix itself or go away. And as such, my life became littered with dirty cobwebs.

I suspect that everyone has cobwebs in their lives that need dealing with. Most people are probably very good about  cleaning out the corners of their lives-- riding themselves of those obnoxious webs.

Others of us -- like me-- have a tendency to ignore the cobwebs until they have completely taken over and you can't see the windows for the doors.

I have spent the last three months trying to clean out my cobwebs, and it has been an arduous task. Sometimes I felt like throwing in the towel saying "I give up! These damn cobwebs win. They have conquered me and there is no hope for ever seeing the light of day." And then other times I catch a glimpse of sunlight, radiating through my cobwebs, and I can see that it is beautiful mess. Beautiful in a different way. Maybe even a better way.

My friend asked me recently why I hadn't been writing on my personal blog, and when I explained she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "I understand. You have to clean out those cobwebs. It will be worth it in the end." 

I know she's right. It's just really hard and a very dirty process-- getting all these damn cobwebs cleaned.

And, just when I think I have found them all, I turn around and find six more over the window of my soul that somehow I had missed before. And the process starts all over again. However, this time? I'm not giving up until I have cleaned every nook and cranny and purged those webs.

I realize that I will have to continually clean my nooks and cranny's to keep those pesky webs from popping back up. That's a new thought process for me and something I never realized before-- that I have to do continual, constant maintenance. If I had only realized that years ago, I could have saved a lot of time, energy and tears. 

I look at my four little monsters and I desperately do not want them growing up with my cobweb mess.

I want them to get their own, dirty cob-web mess.

I want them to have learned from watching me and their Dad try to clean out our cobwebs and then translate that into skills for cleaning out their own mess ... when the time comes. Because it will. Of that I'm certain.

I am realizing more and more that its not ever a matter of if but when those pesky cobwebs show up. Everyone, at some point or another, has to deal with them or else they run the risk of losing everything.  If  my kids can see and learn how to effectively rid their lives of the unwanted webs now then they will be light years ahead of the rest of us.

And maybe they will be better equipped to teach their children how to effectively de-cobweb their lives without having to experience some of the pain that comes when you have to learn the process the hard way. One can only hope. It seems like it would be easier to learn this process when you have no other people depending on you rather than trying to navigate it with a family.

See that? It's me trying to look on the bright side of things.


During one of my darkest hours recently, my cute neighbor took this picture, posted it on Facebook and then called me to tell me about. I was occupied with the ugly cry when she called, so I let her call go to voice mail.

She had no idea the waters I had been navigating, or the demons I had been wrestling but her message was simple and directly from God: "I walked out in my garage this morning and I saw the most perfect rainbow going right over your house. I had the most peaceful feeling come over me, as if to say Everything is going to be alright, and I wanted you to know that." 

I cried the ugly cry even harder as I listened to that message. Twice.

It was exactly what I needed to hear and to know -- that He was aware of the cleaning I had been doing and that He was on board with the decisions I had made. That was the gentle push forward that I needed to remember... Remember how to clean. How to cook. How to function. How to be.

And, we will be OK.

Of that I'm certain.

Source: designeriphone.tumblr.com via Elisa @ on Pinterest

I have some pretty major things I have to get done.

Like Today.

They HAVE to be done.

And those things are causing me copious amounts of stress.

So instead of buckling down and just getting my shiz done,  what do I do?

I play on Pandora, Facebook and Pinterest.

If that little poster is correct, then what does that say about me? 

{sigh}

I guess I better buckle down and get my shiz together. The day's a wasting and I have to work tonight.

Oh. Wait.

I just saw the most amazeballs dress on pinterest that I I need to pin. 

(i want it so bad for the show I'm taping next week).

Oh and this song? 

Best song EVER!

I need to like it on Pandora.

And push it to Facebook.

THEN I'll get my work done.

Later.

'Gator.