Dear Motherboard:

My Dad is a world traveler. He has literally been on every continent and has a picture to prove it. I love it when he sends me photos of the various trips he is on via email. It makes my wanderlust flicker to life and I find myself dreaming of all the places I must see before I die.

If you wander in and out of the various rooms in my home, you will see a myriad of photos that I have enlarged and have hanging on my walls that my Father has taken.   People have often mistaken them for “professional” photos. He’s that good.

My Dad has my sense of humor. Or maybe I have his. Either way, our humor is the same. He is a tease and so am I. Joking around with him is always fun. He is also a great story teller—a gift he inherited from his father.

What I didn’t know about my Dad is that he can write about his “boring” day and make me snort out loud. In fact, I was in a rather QUIET meeting this past week, reading my Dad’s emails, when I actually snorted in the middle of the meeting from trying to stifle my laughter.

I told my Dad I really wanted to capture his humor from his emails for our posterity, so with his permission, I am starting a new feature on here on my blog called Dear Motherboard. They will be various emails I get from my father (or my friends) for everyone to read and enjoy because seriously? Who can’t use a good snort every once in a while?

Dear Motherboard:

We returned really late last night from our day of touring and SOAKING.  I'm talking " 11 In the six hundredth year of Noah’s life, ... the windows of heaven were opened. 12 And the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty   nights" kind of rain!  We have never seen anything like it. AND LIGHTNING!

Tulum and Coba were great. The LDS tour guide gave us some great insights to the Book of Mormon peoples and perhaps places. We even stopped at a Mayan village. There were 16 people in the family, no electricity, no bathroom and only one small thatch covered hut. It even had a dirt floor. I hope the pictures are good.

Enroute to our tour of Tulum we had to stop to pick up another couple.

They bounced on board and she announced, "We're the Schlinburgs from South Jordan. I'm a world traveler. I own a carpet cleaning business and February is awful for business." 

“Nice to meet you” I said.

Silence from us because THEY continued telling about their trip to Bangkok and to "Paris, because I served a mission there" she said.

Silence from us because we can't get a word in edge wise.

Then she finally quit yammering.

Complete silence.

Then he tapped me on my shoulder - they were sitting on the back seat of the tour van - and asked, "Does your wife speak English?".

Stunned I responded simply, "yes".

And I thought, "What the heck was that all about? Of course she speaks English - and fifteen other languages!"

The thought also crossed my mind, "What kind of stupid, smart aleck question is that?"

Your Mom remained silent.

Then the conversation was changed to the ruins we would be seeing.

Your mom had nothing to say. She was just politely listening to everyone else, but mostly to the "Shillingbergers from South Jordan with a carpet cleaning business!"

Then we arrived at our first stop:  Xel-Ha which was actually the destination of the "Schlickenbachs from South Jordan with a carpet cleaning business".

So your Mom and I got out of the car to use the restroom. Your Mom said, "Nice to meet you" to the "Schoolenbergers from South Jordan with a carpet cleaning business".

Then Mr.  "SmartMouthburger from South Jordan with a carpet cleaning business said to me, "Oh yeah she does speak English!"

"Yeah! With extraordinary fluency!"  I said.  Inside I’m thinking "What the Heck?"!!!

So we leave “Mr and Mrs Schlockingburg from South Jordan with a carpet cleaning business” to spend the day at Xel-Ha.  (must be a great business judging by the upscale place we picked them up from)

During lunch the heavens opened up and within 10 minutes the street had a foot of water running down it! And it continued raining like that the rest of the afternoon. It was quite an experience to be peddled on a tricycle passenger bike through torrential rain to the temple of Kulkulan at Coba.

The meanest thought crossed my mind: "Yeah Mr and Mrs Shokongarse from South Jordan with a carpet cleaning business" are getting soaked ! No umbrella. Drenched and wringing wet. With her blond hair hanging around her ears. And her eye shadow streaking down her cheeks. And her stammering because she looks like a wet cat just getting fished out from an accident with the swimming pool!

When we finally arrived back at the hotel we were shivering cold because we were soaked to the skin. Your mom's hair looked like she had just showered.

My blue jeans weighed 40 pounds more because they had absorbed so much water.

I immediately got in a tub of hot water. Your mom put on the hotel’s bathrobe and sat on the toilet while the hot water warmed up the bathroom. I hurried out once I quit shivering so your mom could get warm. It took us 54 minutes to warm up.

Oh yeah! That couple,  “Mr and Mrs Schmartalek from South Jordan with a carpet cleaning business” ?  Yeah. We stopped for them 1 hour later than anticipated. Unfortunately it hadn't rained at all at Xel-Ha.

"Oh my! You're soaked!"  she gloatingly observed as she strutted on board with her fine blond hair...

Well, gotta go.

The pool looks inviting. Hope I don't get sea sick!

Love,

Dad