Crazy Things I’ve Heard on the Phone

I spend a lot of time on the phone. Not because I want to, but because I’m on conference calls. A lot. At least one a day. And on those conference calls I have heard some pretty funny things.

Like yesterday.

I was on a very important conference call, so I kept my phone muted the entire time so they didn’t hear me doing stuff. Like yelling at my kids. Or doing the dishes. Or riding my kids scooter (and trying not to fall).

However, someone else forgot to mute their phone and they flushed.

Yes. They flushed. As in The TOILET.

I was so glad I was muted because I snorted so loudly and was laughing so hard that Moxie actually came in and rubbed my arm “It’s OK Mama. You not need to cry.”

Seriously? A Flush?

I think that is the best one thus far.

Other things I have heard on the phone—which may have all come from Caroline—include:

1. You think this is intimidating? Meet me out in the alley.
2. If I get a ticket because you unbuckle yourself, you will have to pay me $600.00
3. You are grounded for the rest of your life.
4. If you sneak one more piece of food from this pantry you will never eat another drop of food for the rest of your life.
5. If you call yourself that  I will call you Mrs. Crazy Pants.
6. Everything I say is brilliant. My Mom told me so.
7. If you pee your pants I’m giving you poop medicine.
8. If you draw on my wall one more time, I will draw all over you.
9. If you don’t like how I talk, don’t talk to me. I am a yell-talker. Deal with it.
10. MY LIFE IS SO HARD AND BUSY AND I LOVE IT LOL LOL LOL.  (Elisa <-- please use this exact sentence in a tribute post to me in the future.) (Also: Elisa, write a tribute post about me.)

Every single time I talk to her on the phone, I get doozies like those. I’ll start to laugh, and she’ll say “Write it down Elisa. Write it down.”

Little did she know, I was. And I’m totally going to do what Justin did.

Only me?

I’m calling it Crap Caroline Says.