The Evil Ice Cream Man
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
 |
| not my ice cream man. |
He is going to be the death of me before the end of the summer. That is if I don't kill him first.
We are in an out and out-full on war, he and I.
No longer does Moxie believe that it's just a "music truck" that goes around town helping sad little children become happy. No. She has seen the light. She knows the truth, and the sweet goodness that is located within the belly of that Music Making Monster.
He drives through the neighborhood -- at a snails pace -- enticing the children with his creepy music. I think there are subliminal messages in his music that turns otherwise good children into evil-spawn-of-Satan-children once he has driven by, especially if you don't have any money to give to them.
How else do you explain the crazed head spinning when they don't get their delicious crack?
Thing 3 and her cronies sell Lemon-aid all the live long day, anticipating his DAILY arrival, so they can impart their hard earned cash to the creepy-music-playing-ice cream-man.
Whom I have lovingly named Damien.
Because as you well know everyone named Damien is a servant of the Devil.
I now have solid proof of that fact in the form of the Ice Cream Man.
Damien is able to convince otherwise disagreeable teenagers to give him their hard earned cash. It's completely crazy, the spells he casts over these children.
Yesterday, as he was coming through the neighborhood, I sighed a giant sigh of relief and gave myself One Big 'Ole War Point. His intended victims were no where to be found and I was not going to have to fight the daily Ice cream battle. However, Damien must have sensed me edging him out in this ever-lasting battle because do you know what he did?
He parked his truck in front of my house and waited for my midgets to run outside. He totally did. HE PARKED HIS TRUCK IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE.
Only my midgets? They weren't here.
So I got the awesome privilege of listening to the crappy, evil Ice Cream Man Music for what seemed like an eternity.
Because he was PARKED IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE WAITING FOR THEM.
There is, however, a silver lining in this little cloud of misery. And the ultimate justice, too.
Damien backed his stupid ice cream truck into my neighbors trailer.
Yes he did. He totally backed his truck into a trailer.
I laughed so hard I may have peed a little.
Thing 1 and her naughty friend stole the note he had left on the trailer, but I made them go put it back. No sense in making my neighbor have to pay for the damages. That's what Evil Demon Possessed Ice Cream Truck Drivers are for.
Motherboard = Seven.
Damien = Three.
