Confessions of a Self Narker

I hope you have your spoonful of Nutella and your Diet Coke (with the good ice) handy because I have a story to tell you. It's a good story-- maybe even a funny story-- but mostly it's a story that showed me who, at the core, I really am.

A Self Narker.

It's true.

I am a total self narker.

I can try my hardest to be dishonest, but it starts gnawing at me. Right there at the back of my brain and it gnaws and gnaws until I can't stand it and I nark myself out.

Always.

It eats at me until I have to come clean.

Big stuff and little stuff. I just can't do it. It eats at me until I just can't stand it anymore and I blurt it out and I have to come clean.

Jiminy Cricket would be so proud of me.

I have a very healthy conscience and at times I think it works overtime.

Take for instance when I was at work the other night. A yellow bracelet that I was jonesing for hard core was on sale and I had a coupon and store credit. I also found a jacket (cause I was freezing) that I planned on buying on my break.

I bought the items and I wanted to wear them the rest of the night so I proceeded to show the other employees my receipt so they wouldn't think I had stolen them. They all looked at me as if I was crack.

One of my co-workers looked at me funny and said "I would never think that you stole that, Elisa. I trust you."

The manager laughed at me and said "I trust you Elisa. I know you wouldn't steal."

They both said the same thing and I never wanted to give them a reason to not trust me. So I showed them all the receipt anyway.

That's important to me, people being able to trust me. I am a trustworthy person and I never want to anything to make people not be able to trust me. 

Now to the point of this post.

I went shopping unexpectedly yesterday. Jefe left his laptop at home and so I happily volunteered to take it to him.

Hello. He works next to City Creek. Why wouldn't I want to take him his laptop? I could love on him for a few minutes and then I could happily wander the shops. Which is my new favorite past time. Maybe I could finally buy those aqua and orange pants that I have been wanting.


Once the eagle had landed and the package was secure, Moxie and I headed out on our adventure. We played on the playground. We counted the trout in the pond and creek. We went into every. single. store. kid and mommy alike and we shared an awesome almond vanilla steamer from the Nordstroms E-bar.

It was an afternoon filled with sheer nirvana. 

I admired the colored skinny jeans and Moxie hung out at the jewelry section. It was a shopping companionship made in heaven! She would tell me what necklaces I should buy that would match my pants and I would buy her lip gloss and feather hair bands.

When we finally got to our intended destination, I was elated to find that both colors of pants I wanted were there. I immediately started trying on shirt and pant combos, coming up with amazing color blocking creations that would rival any fashion week runway model.

I tried on every color of the rainbow and Moxie and I were having a ball. Well, at least I was having a ball. She was happily watching a movie on my phone.

God Bless iPhones and Netflix.

I purchased my new found treasures and we headed homeward bound.

We chatted all the way home about all the fun things we saw -- she loved the orange pants that were her size, the fountain that sprayed to music and all the fishes in the "lake".

All in all it was a good day.

Until I got home, that is.

Upon getting undressed to get ready for work I realized that I was still wearing a tank that I had tried on earlier. I have to be honest: when I realized I had it on I gasped with horror and actually threw the shirt away from me -- as if just holding it was going to condemn me to prison.

Jefe's told me all about what prison is like from when he was a Federal Defender. I know from his stories that it's a place I never, ever want to go. I have a healthy fear of police and jail.

I started doing my famous panic dance and was mumbling "Oh no. Oh no. Oh no."

Peeps. I was horrified.

Images of prison whizzed through my head which made my panic dance even more epic. I am sure if it would have been recorded, it would leave the So You Think You Can Dance judges amazed and dazed. And wanting the thief's autograph. 

Holy! Freaking! Crap! I'm a thief. I had stolen something.

Accidentally? Yes. But I had not paid for it, so technically it was stolen. 

I was getting ready for work and I had exactly 90 minutes before my shift began. I was sick, people. Sick to my stomach and completely freaked out. I was trying to use all the amazeball skills my counselor has taught me over the past year, but it wasn't working.

As I stood alone in my closet, using my new-mad-skills,  I found myself  thinking a myriad of thoughts:
"No one would know that I had stolen this tank. I would be late for work if I took it back. It was an accident. They probably didn't even notice, either. Besides, it was an honest mistake, no one would ever know and God would forgive me. He always forgives me."

And that's when I made my decision.

I got ready for work and I drove back to Salt Lake to return the "stolen" tank.

I hurried into the shop and found the employee that had helped me earlier and explained what had happened.  She proceeded to look at me with a puzzled look. "You mean, you brought this back? We didn't even notice it was gone. You didn't pay for it and you actually brought it back? Why?"

Yes and yes. Because it's the right thing to do. 

She looked at me and said "Thank you for being honest."

And that's why I did it.

Not because of what some other person would think about me, but because it was the right thing to do. I knew I hadn't paid for that tank. And further, God knew. It doesn't matter a lick what others think, it matters how I feel about myself and how God feels about me. I couldn't live with myself if I had not taken it back.

Besides, this is who I am. At my core I am honest -- A Self Narker -- and sometimes I'm honest to a fault.

People have a hard time with me because I don't talk circles or spin webs. If you ask me something I will respond honestly. There's issues? Lets discuss them honestly and not beat around the bush. If I hear someone has an issue with me or said something false, I will talk to the source and correct the facts. Nothing good ever comes from being dishonest. Never.

The best part of the story?

I was only four minutes late for work.

A good day indeed.