Random randomness and Then Some Tunes

Friday, December 16, 2011

If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus. - Jack Handy

I've been working the Night Shift six nights a week for the past six weeks and seriously people? It's doing two things to me: Killing me slowly. And feeding me with never ending stories of how insane and totally possessed people have become.

I kid you not.

I go to work every night wondering what crazy stupid things are going to happen and if we'll make it through a shift without the police being called or being threatened with bodily harm.

Yes. Bodily Harm.

I am seriously considering taking pepper spray to work with me from now until New Years when people become less possessed by Satan. Which, if you look closely, Satan and Santa have the same exact letters-- just in a different order.

Coincidence? I think not.

I will happily hold my pepper spray up as I greet each new customer "Can I interest you in a Schmoles Card tonight?" then when they start to get nasty and yell at me, one little puff will put them back in their place.

And I'll end up in jail.

Which would be safer than Schmoles during the holidays.

I have several stories in draft that I'm working on for your reading enjoyment that hopefully will be finished by this weekend.

Just remember employees have no control over the lines, people, and threatening to punch them in the face because the lines are TOO LONG is not a viable option. You just might find yourself being pepper-sprayed.

#justsayin

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I have realized there are some things that I know for sure are true and they will never change. Not in a million years. No matter how much I try.

1. I ~~hate~~ ~~despise~~ loathe The Christmas Shoes song with the passion of thousand burning suns. I also hate synthesizer Christmas Songs that have obnoxious echos in them.
2. Blinking, flashing, spastic Christmas lights on houses, trees -- inside or out-- make me want to lay down and have a grand mal seizure. Add it to synchronized music? I die.
3. Blow up Santa, Reindeer's, Snowmen or Penguins with scarfs are Just. Not. Right. And seeing them littering lawns make me want to punch people.
4. Pink Flamingos with Scarfs wrapped around them does not make them Christmas decorations. It makes them look more stupid than they were sans the scarfs.
5. My kids make me want to overlook all these irritants. Simply because they think they're cool. And it makes them laugh.

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The other night I was chatting up a teenager at the register that was there with her Dad. Apparently they had been talking about schooling, because as they left my register the Dad said to his daughter "See? A college education is important. You don't want to end up working as a cashier at Schmoles do you?"

I know, right? I was floored, too.

I hollered out to them "I have a college education!"

The Dad looked horrified-- which he should be.

I mean, WHO in their right mind does that?

If I have learned one thing working at Schmoles its this: Too many people are willing to throw other people under the bus to make themselves feel better. You have no idea why a person is where they are-- be kind people. Be Kind. And, don't assume. Or use them as an example to teach your children because more than likely YOU'LL end up being the example and a more poignant teaching tool for your kids-- on how NOT to be.

Yeah. Think about that one.

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I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet. Not one ounce. Not one present. Not one single gift. Not even a single treat has graced my oven.

I feel like the Human version of The Grinch.

Here's hoping I can get it done this weekend. I woke up sick again this morning. It's all those freaking late nights at Schmoles, combined with customers threatening to knock me into next week because we're too crowded that's made me sick again.

I don't have time to be sick again.Or the energy.

Cross your fingers and toes I can pull it together long enough to buy some presents. That's my Christmas wish-- energy long enough to do the shopping at 1am.

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That's all she wrote this week.

Have a good week, and smile people. Espeically to those who are working in the stores. This time of year is brutal and it really makes a person question people, and their integrity. I can't believe how this holiday, which is really about Christ, has become such a glutenous holiday where people try to out-do each other. And can treat complete strangers who are helping them absolutely horrid, then turn around and tell their kids that some of the stuff they are buying is for the homeless shelter, because "We have to be nice to strangers." while berating you because they had to wait too long.

Not that it's ever happened to me. Or has it?

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Catch ya on the flipside, peeps.

Here's hoping I survive these last Nine Days.

Pray for me.