Over the years, I have written various posts with this song as the focus. It is the perfect song; one that defines the feelings I have of being the Mother of my children.
Thing 1 left today for Trek. I have been so excited for her to go, and then when it came down to the actual event... I cried. It was rather embarrassing. I cry at everything that is new with this oldest child of mine. I make myself promise that I won't... but I do. Every single time.I love this daughter of mine-- this person who is flesh of my flesh-- so much that sometimes it hurts. It's not a bad hurt-- its a good hurt. But, it hurts none-the-less.
The lyrics of this song are sheer brilliance, in my opinion. They capture how most of us mothers feel about our children. It seems they are constantly slipping through our fingers... we are trying desperately to capture them, but they are just out of our grasp.
This baby of mine is growing into an amazing woman. She writes like a seasoned pro and has the vocabulary of college
graduate. She has dreams, and places she wants to see... things she wants to do. She is so much like me, it's frightening. We butt heads like professional wrestlers... but oh how I love to hear her laugh.Watching her grow brings a surge of that well know sadness: She is slipping through my fingers.
I am now not the most important person in her life, and she allows me to see and know only what she tells me. Oh how I long for the days past when all she wanted to do was cuddle on the couch and watch "Cats".
Time is playing a cruel, cruel trick on me. It seems like just yesterday she was my baby toddler standing on her tippy-toes, reaching for my hand. Now she is pushing away from me, while I stand on my tippy-toes, reaching forward trying desperately to grab her hand.
This is an odd, melancholy feeling that I feel.
I miss this child of mine. My thoughts are heavy with worry about her. Trek will be amazing and wonderful. She will learn the feelings of humility, gratitude and the Spirit. But the Mommy in me worries. Always. About all of my children.
I wish I could stop time, and freeze it. I would stop them from slipping through my fingers. But, that is not the plan. I know. And it makes my heart hurt just a little more, the further away she pulls.
"School bag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning. Waving Goodbye, with and absent minded smile..."
26 monkeys jumping on the bed:
I know EXACTLY how you feel Motherboard! What darling pictures of your daughter. She will enjoy the Trek and will have lots of fun stories to share! Each of my children have said it is the hardest thing they have ever done, but they learned and grew so much from the experience. Okay, I'm listening to the lyrics of the song and getting teary-eyed myself! I tell my daughter all the time I'm going to put a load of books on her head to keep her from growing. She just rolls her eyes.
First of all, she's gorgeous. She looks just like me.
Second, the fact that she looks happy to be on the trek makes her a wonderful person.
She look JUST like you!! She is beautiful!! They grow up WAY too fast!!
This song just KILLS me. Some school mornings as I see my girls go out the door, I have it going through my head and I cry.
For some reason I couldn't get the song to load. However your post was beautiful and made me misty. They really do grow up so fast.
I couldn't get the song to load either, but your post was wonderful.
On the other end of the kids spectrum, it is bittersweet having them completely non-dependant on you, but in a good way. Enjoy every single stinkin day until then!
Mmkay-so I have NO idea how you really feel what with my lack of children and all:)---but I fully get you're wanting to freeze time. I want that ALL the time!! Unless I'm working out or on a blind date, in which case I'd love to fast forward time.
That song makes me cry every time.
I sort of hate my kids' birthdays. Because I love each stage of their lives so much, it's a little sad to leave my 2-year old Sophia behind, you know?
However I just saw a news story about a girl who is 16 but still has the body and mind of a toddler. She is a medical mystery, but it made me realize that maybe I wouldn't want my kids to be babies forever.
Even though I still think I do.
Your posts like this are why I read your blog you manage to express the feelings that I have so well. You are an excellent writer/blogger motherboard. Thanks for the post.
The song didn't load for me either.
Thanks MB!!
I Love you and am so grateful to know you through this medium!
I am so happy thrilled that Thing 1 is well and on her way to trek with that beautiful smile!
Hey, my thing 1 is leaving in 3 week for the MTC, yeah, I am not sad. I know there must be something wrong with my head. Any way!! Can I meet you and Sheri when I am up there?
That would be so much fun.
I am thinking sharing Va Nelie la cupcakes or something fun like that!
♥ Vicki
I put a new one on there... are you guys pushing play? It doesn't automatically start. I HATE it when blogs do that...
Ugh...the letting go.
You are such a good mom!
It started automatically for me. This is such a wonderful song and so true. I hope your daughter has an amazing time on trek. I know I did on the one I went on when I was in Young Women's.
I love your pictures. She's so beautiful! When I read your posts like this it reminds me to cherish the moments with my 3 year old and my baby... even the not-so-pleasant ones. Thank you!
I'm discovering that it isn't so much a single thread, passing through your fingers until finally they're gone forever. It's more of a loop, and just when you think their childhood is gone and you'll never get that magic and intimacy back, they give it to you again, with their own children. I'm not there just yet, but I see the little knot on the horizon, marking the place where their childhood ends but their children's begins. It's all good, MB. She's not going far. They never really do.
i remember really hearing this song at the theater watching mamma mia with my mom and my oldest daughter. I wept. I embarrassed her to death. It is every mother's thoughts and fears and hopes for their daughters.
my brother is on the trek with my niece maybe he's where she is??
So amazing! I remember my telling me how her heart would hurt and I would just roll my eyes at her "emotional" feelings for my siblings and me. Now, as a mother myself, I understand exactly what she meant. I only wish I could make time stand still for just a moment and take a picture with my heart that will never fade.
Every time I hear this song it makes me cry. And especially after that beautiful post! Thing1 is such a beautiful amazing girl. I'm so happy to say I know her!
I'm only starting to get a glimpse of this growing up thing with KJ. She's still little, but does and says grown up things all the time. Really makes me want to freeze time.
Your daughter is lovely.
This post is lovely.
I bet you are lovely too!:)
My oldest is eight. I just ordered him a new pair of shoes, and realized I can wear them. And I almost cried. Isn't that weird? Over shoes. It will not be long before he's taller than me, stronger than me, not needing me near as much...
I wish I could remember where I recently read a post about being happy and sad at the very same time, and how there isn't a word to describe that feeling. Being happy... and being sad. All at once. That feeling is watching your children grow up, I think, whatever the word may be.
Thing #1 looks happy. She will come back with experiences that will prepare her for other experiences in her life whether good or bad.
Our stake just did Trek. This was the second time for my oldest child to go and the 1st time for my third child to go. What my oldest told me was "it only took me 4 years to realize what I learned the first time I went." Music to my ears! It made me so happy to know that he learned something and only if it was to remind him what he learned the first time.
My 3rd child doesn't share alot, but when she does she is filled with the spirit. I know the experience was a good one, but sometimes it takes a bit to understand what the spirit is teaching.
I will be praying for you and your daughter. Hope the weather is good. My kids got rained on pretty bad, but it gave them great experiences.
The Lord blesses those who sacrifice. The sacrifice you are making to send your daughter on this experience will be seen and felt by the Lord.
Hang in there. All is well. All is well.
She is beautiful!
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Beautiful. Reminds me of my own daughter, recently returned from her Trek. Such a lovely hurt.
It seems like I saw you call the Trek...Pio-nerd Trek. And I wanted to tell you that that was freakin' hilarious.
She's absolutely darling. And she looks just like you!!!
Such a beautifully written post.
I know just what you mean. I laid awake Tuesday night after brittany's 10th birthday had been celebrated reliving the day she was born. Where did it go? It breaks my heart almost daily but the alternative of having them grow quickly into fabulous people is unthinkable so I try to savor. Hope she has a blast, and I want to know if she comes home with her hair looking as cute as it did when she left!
Beautiful post, my dear. I can relate. And it happens, oh, so, fast!
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