How I Got Put In My Place by a Five Year Old

When I was twenty-five years old I was made the ward Primary President. I had just gotten released from being the Stake Primary Secretary, so I was rather certain that I knew everything I would ever need to know on how to run a successful primary.

 I had it all figured out. I was On. Top. Of. It.

Until Ward Conference, that is.

At first I was rather confident that I would show them how awesome of a primary we had, how reverent we were going to be and that they should most definitely use us as their training models in all of their upcoming training meetings.  I knew we would be the pillar of righteousness that they had been searching  for and they would beg us to tell them our secrets. Which of course, we would oblige.

I know. I was young and so, so stupid.

We had a great opening song and the kids sounded like angles. They were reverent, and it was going splendidly. Next we had an opening prayer that would make a grown man weep, and the scripture was deep and quite poignant. 

The talk from Hell came next and it was all down hill after that.

{dun dun dun dun}

The little boy speaking had parents that were both in leadership positions that made it impossible for them to come and hear him give his talk. Half way through his epistle, he decided that he had something stuck in his throat, so he started to clear it. And clear it some more. And then some more.  One more time he cleared his throat and then spit the biggest loogie I have ever seen spit by a 5 year old boy.

Which made all of the girls on the front row start to cry. BIG TEARS cry.

Wait for it, there's more.

I was so focused on this boy, his spit fest and the crying Sunbeams that I didn't notice two other boys decide that they were totally done with Primary and were going home, so they jumped -- YES JUMPED-- out the primary window.

Right then and there I wanted to crawl into a hole, never come out and die. D-I-E. die.


My perfect little primary fell apart in 2.7 seconds not only in front of the Stake Primary Presidency, but the Second Counselor in the General Primary Presidency.

Not just the top dogs, but THE TOP DOG, people. All of the top dogs saw my primary mutiny in front of their very eyes.

And, I think the primary won.