"Chicago! Chicago! You're my kind of town!"

I was about 10 when we first got cable. I remember it vividly... all of those channels to choose from. All of those different places that the television was coming from, and it wasn't from where I was living. The whole world had suddenly opened up to me, and I wanted to see every. single. inch. of it before I died.

I would faithfully watch the Chicago WGN 9 news every night before bed (if you watch it now, some of the anchors ARE THE SAME!). I would anxiously wait to see the sights of the city... vowing to myself that someday--SOMEDAY-- I would live there. The city was fascinating to me. It was so big, and had so many things to do and see... So many opportunities!

I just knew that Chicago was the place were I was meant to be.

Later in life when I was actually able to live there? Well, it was a dream come true. Jefe seems to remember it differently. But, I was ecstatic to finally be fulfilling one of my hearts desires!

Well, maybe not the actual ghetto that we were living in, or the small town that had NOTHING to do but go to Wal-Mart... but it was the idea. I was there and Chicago was finally within my grasp.

I had accomplished something on my silly list of "things to do before I die". I was living in Chicago... A Suburb... But close enough that I could watch the news everyday, and actually know the places they were talking about. I could hop on the train whenever I wanted or drive into city and feel the pulse that is a living, breathing Chicago.

I must be honest here now. It broke my heart to leave Chicago. It really did. My sweet Jefe wanted to bring us all "home". He wanted the kids to be raised knowing their extended family. I understand all of that, and actually do see the value in it. He wanted the kids to be raised with more "choices" for dating than what was being presented to them.

I get it.

My parents thought that it was Jefe that didn't want to move "home". I would try to tell them that as much as I love the mountains, I was actually living where I had always dreamed of as a child. I was living my version of the dream.

I know that it will probably hurt my parents feelings to realize that I was the one who didn't want to leave Chicago. But, it's true. I didn't. If I didn't have children, I can truthfully say that I probably would never have moved back to Utah. I was very happy there. It was my dream city.

I don't think that even Jefe knew that. I mean he knew that I didn't want to move, and that he brought me back to Utah kicking and screaming...but I don't think that he knew as child, I dreamed of living in Chicago.

I remember the first time we drove through the city. We had flown out there to find a place to live while he was going to law school. Jefe drove us into Chicago, and then I drove us around.

I remember the exact place that he pulled over so that I could drive. I remember driving past County Hospital (Yes. THE County Hospital in the T.V. show ER) and thinking "Oh my gosh! I am finally here! I have arrived!"

Every time Jefe would go into the city, I was jealous. It sounds crazy, I know. But, it was me who had wanted to move to Chicago. I pushed, and plotted. It was me who loved that city. He was the lucky little booger that got to go there every freaking day. Jefe will tell you how much it sucked, but he was living my dream of working in Chicago... and I lived it through him.

I am a freak. I know.

But, I really love Chicago.

I have been feeling "homesick" lately. I miss that vibrant city of diversity. I miss the weather (yes. I know its humid. so?). I miss my friends, my church and my house. I recently found out that my house has been abandoned. My beautiful home, where I brought my babies to, is sitting there vacant and unloved.

Sometimes I lay awake at night, plotting how I can return to the state that I love so much. I feel like it is home. I may have been raised elsewhere, but Illinois is my home. It's where I 'grew up'. It's where I learned how to love; how to forgive; how to serve and how to be ME.

I am just grateful that I was able to live that dream. Thank you Jefe.

Jefe is a good man, even if he does hate Chicago. I still love it.

And I still love him.