Remember that post I did a while back about how asking me to tend your critters was a bad idea? A very, very bad idea? Then remember how my cousin asked me to tend her chickens and one of them died? Yeah. Bad, bad idea.

I am jinxed when it comes to tending chickens. Seriously. My cousin went out of town again this past week, and guess who was left tending the chickens? Thing 2 and Me. Guess what died while they were gone? Yup. Another chicken.

To say I am feeling a little skittish around the chickens is an understatement. The Chicken God hates me because whenever we are left in charge, he calls another one home. To chicken heaven.

Her neighbors are not fond of the chickens either. Apparently, lots of people are breaking their "HOA" rules, but guess which rule it is that's being enforced? Yup, you guessed it. The no chicken rule.

My cousin and her husband really love those smelly chickens. It has been one craptastic year and those chickens make their day a little brighter, a little happier. Besides, whats not to love about farm fresh eggs first thing in the morning?

They have named all the chickens too. All 20 something of them. Secretly, I think the chickens are kind of cool looking. I had no idea there were that many different kinds of chickens. The only troubling part is how do you tell the hen from the rooster? I mean, I know how... but how? Ack!

Jefe felt sorry for my cousin when they were telling him how chickens + neighbors + HOA = no chickens. They were being forced to get rid of them. They were sad, and it made Jefe's heart grow three sizes that day. For real. It must have. How else do you explain the 3 chicken coops that are now in my backyard?

Now, lest you think we were driving across town with 3 chicken coops strapped to the top of our car (which would have been funny), let me explain that my cousin lives right behind me. We had no idea each other lived where they did when we were purchasing our homes. It was just sheer dumb luck. And divine intervention.

We actually share backyards. Except for that pesky fence between our yards. So, rather than driving across town toting chickens, we drove around the block instead. With chicken coops on the back of a trailer. It actually was rather funny to see the people's faces driving by when they realized what was on the back of our trailer!



<a target="_blank" href="http://wheredidiputthat.blogspot.com/2009/07/let-operation-save-chickens-commence.html"><br/><br/><img border="0" alt="Crazyland" src="http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj281/themotherboard/chicken.jpg" alt="the real save the chicken" /></a>

Here's where Operation SAVE THE CHICKENS comes into play...

Remember? The chicken God hates me! They die-- I said DIE--when they are in my care! I don't want to kill the chickens that made Jefe's heart grow 3 sizes in one day! For Pete's sake! That would be an atrocity to END all atrocities.

SAVE THE CHICKENS from Motherboard!

Seriously.

SAVE THE CHICKENS.

I don't need any more Chicken's hanging over my head. I have way too much to talk to my maker about when I enter those pearly gates. I don't want to have to answer for more dead chickens. Besides, my cousin wants her chickens back. She loves them. And so do her kids and husband.

Take my nifty little button up there for your blog, and help me help myself by SAVING THE CHICKENS!

I'm thinking what with the Tens of Tens of us that read this blog, if we put the save the chicken buttons up on our blogs, we can start a movement. A SAVE THE CHICKENS movement. I've always wanted to be a part of a movement.

You will need to sign in the comments about how we need to save the chickens from motherboards jinx. Then maybe, just maybe, the HOA's hearts will grow 3 sizes in one day and they will be persuaded to let her keep her chickens.

Leave me a comment. Or four.

Tell me how the HOA needs to let my adorable cousin keep her chickens.

Or maybe how their hearts could grow 3 sizes in one day too-- if they just let her keep her chickens.

You could say in the comments "SAVE THE CHICKENS! Motherboard is a chicken killer."
Or not.

If nothing else, just say"Chickens are our friends. Not food." or "Chickens have feelings too."
Then I think I will print them all off and give them to my cousin to submit to her HOA.

Power to the people! (and the chickens!)

Let's band together people, for the common good of chickens everywhere, and SAVE THE CHICKENS. From Motherboard.

Don't take too long to think about it: fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. Make sure it's the first fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Tag 15 friends (or not), including me because I'm interested in seeing what books my friends chose.

(in no particular order)

1.The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins

2. To Kill a Mockingbird: Lee Harper

3. Queen Bee's & Wanna Bee's - Rosalind Wiseman

4. The Road - Cormac McCarthy

5. Drowing Ruth - Christina Schwartz

6. The Bean Trees - Barbara Kingsolver

7. Harry Potter 1-7 (duh!) - J.K. Rowling

8. The City of Ember - Jeanne DePrau

9. Widow of the South - Robert Hicks

10. The Thirteenth Tale - Diane Setterfield

11. Wicked - Gregory McGuire

12. Nineteen Minutes - Jodi Picoult

13. Me Talk Pretty One Day - David Sedaris

14. Where The Wild Things Are - Maurice Sendak

15. Elegant Gathering of White Snow - Kris Radish

While I was getting gas recently, I sent my son into the store to get us each a bottle of soda. He did as he was told, and came out and handed me the change. There was more change than we were supposed to have. It wasn't much, only like a dollar or two, but still.

I was in a hurry. Did I go back into the store? Or did I hurry on to my appointment, because we were already late?

I quizzed my son, while I finished pumping the gas. Did he think this was more money than he should have gotten back? He just looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno Mom".

I ran into the store and told the woman that she had given my son too much change back, and I handed her back her dollar. She looked at me rather funny and said: "It's just a dollar. No one would have known", as she snatched the dollar from my hand.

"That's true. But, now my son knows that I am honest. That matters more to me than keeping a stupid dollar." and I turned and promptly left the store.

Thing 2 was interested as to why I did that. The lady didn't care, so why did I? "Because", I told him, "it is the right thing to do. Even when it is not popular. It's always the right choice to be honest. No matter what."

Later that week, I was shopping at Wal-mart... alone. That is something that rarely happens. Me + alone.

I had made all of my purchases and as I was loading them into the cart, I noticed a small $2.00 item that I had neglected to put on the shelf. I grabbed it and said "Oh. This slipped through. I need to pay for this too."

There was a rather long line behind me and the man whose turn was next, sighed and said quite loudly "It's just two bucks. They would have never known, nor would they miss it." Then, he spent the few seconds it took me to take care of that final transaction huffing and puffing.

He was right.

Wal-mart would have never missed my $2.00 Burts Bee's Wax that I was buying. It was a huge pain to pull my wallet out again, and I made everyone else wait. But, I would have missed that little piece of integrity that would have been lost had I not been honest.

What an interesting study it was for me to see that "just a couple of bucks" meant to several people it was OK to not be honest. Is it ever Ok to not be honest? I don't think so. What you trade is your integrity. That is something that is more important to me.

We were late for our appointment, my son and I, but he now knows that his mother is honest.

I made all the people behind me in the line at Wal-mart wait. But now I know that I am honest. Not because anyone else was watching, but because it was right.

See those awesome buttons up there? I actually have one in my sidebar. (click on the nifty button to get your own!) That's my blogging mantra for the summer. If I'm around, I'm around. If not, eh, who cares? There are things to do, people to see, books to read, a house to clean and kids to keep from killing each other. If I have subscribers/readers by the end of the summer, then that's the chocolate coating to my Sundae.

It's so easy to get caught up in blogging about life, that you can actually forget to live your life.

I'm going to live life this summer. (and blog about it later.)

*****
I bought my kids disposable cameras and we are heading into "the city" tomorrow to pretend we are tourists. We're going to ride the train, then hit all the touristy spots. Thing 1 is going to put her 3 years of French to use and pretend to be an exchange student from France. It should be fun. If we get any good pictures from the day, I'll be sure to pass them on your way.

*****
All of my cute teeny-bopper friends on Facebook have been making these album covers. I had seen it going around with my older friends, but chose to pass. However, I was bored yesterday and the computer was calling my name... so I answered.

This is what I made:

If you want to make one too, here are the instructions:

1. Go to wikipedia and hit random. The first article that comes up is the name of your band.
2. Go to random quotations and scroll to the very last quote. The last 4-5 words are going to be the name of your album.
3. Go to flickr, and hit explore last 7 days. The 3rd picture is your Album cover.
4. Photoshop, picassa or whatever other photo altering tool you have and put the band name and name of album on the photo (I used picassa because, even though I have photoshop its beyond me how to ues it...). It's fun. I promise.

*****

Speaking of Facebook, I had a really funny status update I was going to do. But, then I thought it was a little morbid, so I didn't use it.

"All we have to fear is fear itself. And Michael Jackson. But, he's dead, so I guess its just fear."


What do you think? Too much?

*****
There's a contest on the MMB for some Shelf Reliance stuff. You should pop on over there and enter to win. While you're there, nominate your favorite blog for the coveted blog spotlight.

*****
There are a few little bloggy get togethers going on this week. With this gal and her sister on Friday, and this gal on Saturday.

I'm going. Are you?

*****
We had a lovely 4th of July. The weather was perfect. We grilled, and had WAY more food than we had people. Isn't that what the 4th is about? Good food and left overs? Yes? Well, then it was a good day.

Now back to the grind stone.


1. Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day
2. Ol' 55 - Tom Waits
3. 19 Somethin' - Mark Wills
4. She's My Man - Scissor Sisters
5. Perfect Symmetry - Keane
6. Fix You - Coldplay
7. Hallelujah - Ryan Adams
8. Cecilia - Simon & Garfunkle *I wanted to name one of my babies this*
9. Heartbreak Even - Ani DeFranco
10. Is She Really Going Out With Him (Live) - Joe Jackson

Bonus: Something To Be Proud Of - Montgomery Gentry

Thing 3: Mom? Can we play beauty parlor?

Me: Sure. Get a brush

(Thing 3 brushes my hair)

Me: This is fun.

Thing3: Now I'm going to give you a pedicure. (starts rubbing my feet with lotion)

Me: (moans) Oh. That feels good! Let's play Beauty Parlor every day!

Thing 3: Mom, you need a 'real' pedicure.

Me: I do? Why?

Thing 3: Because your feet are nasty!

How do you argue with that?? I did what any of you would have done... I booked a 'real' pedicure with these guys.

Over the years, I have written various posts with this song as the focus. It is the perfect song; one that defines the feelings I have of being the Mother of my children.

Thing 1 left today for Trek. I have been so excited for her to go, and then when it came down to the actual event... I cried. It was rather embarrassing. I cry at everything that is new with this oldest child of mine. I make myself promise that I won't... but I do. Every single time.

I love this daughter of mine-- this person who is flesh of my flesh-- so much that sometimes it hurts. It's not a bad hurt-- its a good hurt. But, it hurts none-the-less.

The lyrics of this song are sheer brilliance, in my opinion. They capture how most of us mothers feel about our children. It seems they are constantly slipping through our fingers... we are trying desperately to capture them, but they are just out of our grasp.

This baby of mine is growing into an amazing woman. She writes like a seasoned pro and has the vocabulary of college graduate. She has dreams, and places she wants to see... things she wants to do. She is so much like me, it's frightening. We butt heads like professional wrestlers... but oh how I love to hear her laugh.

Watching her grow brings a surge of that well know sadness: She is slipping through my fingers.

I am now not the most important person in her life, and she allows me to see and know only what she tells me. Oh how I long for the days past when all she wanted to do was cuddle on the couch and watch "Cats".

Time is playing a cruel, cruel trick on me. It seems like just yesterday she was my baby toddler standing on her tippy-toes, reaching for my hand. Now she is pushing away from me, while I stand on my tippy-toes, reaching forward trying desperately to grab her hand.

This is an odd, melancholy feeling that I feel.

I miss this child of mine. My thoughts are heavy with worry about her. Trek will be amazing and wonderful. She will learn the feelings of humility, gratitude and the Spirit. But the Mommy in me worries. Always. About all of my children.

I wish I could stop time, and freeze it. I would stop them from slipping through my fingers. But, that is not the plan. I know. And it makes my heart hurt just a little more, the further away she pulls.

"School bag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning. Waving Goodbye, with and absent minded smile..."

I triple dog dare you not to laugh.





PS. don't forget to go enter that splendid giveaway over on MMB. (Photos people You could win photos!)

In an attempt to rid ourselves of the bubonic plague over here in Crazyland, Jefe and I decided we must clean. Actually, I decided we must clean and pulled him along as my personal cheering section.

(Don't you wish you could have a personal cheering section whenever you cleaned your house? I do. "Yay Motherboard! Go for the gold, Motherboard! Goooooo! Motherboard!" I just know that I would be a much better cleaner, and way more consistent, if I could have a cheering squad follow me around!)

There was massive amounts of laundry and bathrooms to scrub. Floors to mop and railings to Lysol. I was a woman on a mission. This plague must be banished. Out, ye damned plague! Out I say!

Then my batteries ran out.

I put the little girls in my jet tub to "swim" while I tried to re-charge my batteries by watching a movie... Bait Shop. (Jefe says I should be embarrassed to admit that, and surely I have hit an all time low. Whatever. It was funny.)

The little girls "swam" for a while and then decided to turn on our massive jets in the jet tub. Only, we never use the jets in the jet tub, so nasty gross stuff came out. The little girls promptly set out wailing and Jefe decided that while the tub was full, we should run the jets to "clean them out." And maybe throw a little bleach in there for good measure. That seemed just fine with me, because I was enjoying a little red-neck-eye-candy.

After about 15 minutes of the jets being cleaned, I noticed an odd sound.

Swish-swish. Swish-swish. Swish-swish.

I cocked my head to one side and listened harder.

Swish-swish. Swish-swish. Swish-swish.

It sort of sounded like a washing machine, and I thought maybe Jefe decided to do some laundry too. Damn that boy is nice. So, I settled back in to watch some more Bill.

I kept enjoying my movie, until the noise got louder.

Swish-swish. Swish-swish. Swish-swish.

Weird. That sounds like its coming from the bathroom. I almost got up to check on it, but remembered that Jefe was cleaning the out the jets in the jet tub. With Bleach. I figured that was what was making the mysterious swishing sound, and it was completely normal. I told Estelle, the crazylady that lives in my brain to shut it, I was enjoying a movie.

On the next round of commercials I heard it again.

Swish-swish. Swish-swish. Swish-swish.

Huh. The Swish-swishing was getting louder and louder. I decided the only way I could shut Estelle up was to just go turn the tub off and pull the drain.

When I opened the flood gates door I almost had a heart attack. I settled instead for a conniption fit.

What I saw was a water show the likes of which have never been seen before. Inside a bathroom.

The jets were pointing up in the air and all that was lacking from our magical water show was a little 2001 Space Odyssey. It was awesome!

The Swish-swishing sound was the water being shot across the bathroom, bouncing off walls, mirrors and the shower. There was literally water everywhere. All because we were holding our own beautiful, magical water show. That no one was attending.

I ran to turn the water off, not realizing that there would be several inches of water on the floor, and slipped and fell. Into my own giant pool of water. On the bathroom floor.

We used all the towels, sheets and some blankets to clean up our pool in the bathroom. At one point, I stopped mopping, looked at Jefe and just burst out laughing. It was a sight to see, those jets spurting water everywhere. I wish I would have thought to grab my camera or video recorder.

It was awesome!

How does Sesame Street rock?

Let me count the ways...

I have a very sick child.

I feel bad and guilty because I thought she was just "milking it". That is until we went to the doctor and he confirmed that yes indeed, this child is sick. She is not only sick, but extremely sick.

I am so very worried about her. As I scoured the Internet for answers to her ailment, Jefe pointed out how lucky we are to live in a time like this. Could you imagine, he said, living during the time of the bubonic plague and not only not knowing, but not knowing what to do or what to look for?

No. I could not. That would be horrifying. Google is a blessing, I think. A very big blessing.

She sleeps a lot. Her fever is high and I have been doing a lot of pacing, cleaning, spraying Lysol and praying.

She told me that she had been praying, earlier in the day, that she would be healthy enough to go hiking. It was an important, necessary hike. A hike that could not be skipped, nor could it be made up.

She said she asked God to make her healthy long enough to do the hike. Then she looked at me and said "You know what? I think God answered my prayers".

She then told me that as soon as she got out of the car, she felt good. Really good. Better than she has felt in days. She did her 4 hour hike and had a lot of fun. But, as soon as she got back in our car, she started feeling sick again. By the time we got home, she was back to being really sick, and she crawled into bed and slept all afternoon.

After hearing her diagnosis tonight, she turned again and said "that makes the answer to my prayer even more valuable now. I'm really sick, but He heard me and answered MY prayer! Mom, I was better long enough to do the hike. I guess God really is out there. Somewhere."

Yes dear. He is.

We petitioned him again, in a different way tonight, on her behalf. I am exercising my faith, like she did, that he will hear our prayers and heal her again. This time for good.

Let it be known to all across the land that I purchased this book before Oprah said it was cool!

Just sayin'.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. - Jack Handy, SNL Deep Thoughts

Thing 3 danced in her very first ballet recital this past week. She was so excited she could hardly contain herself. She was flitting around here, practicing her dance all week long.

Her Ballet School only allows you to take photos during the staging event before the dress rehearsal. We were all excited to go up to the University to have our very first recital. During the dress rehearsals and performances, these lucky little girls get to dance to a live orchestra. It was incredible to watch!

I was excited to try out my new lens and see what kind of photos it would take.

Our family recently had these beautiful family portraits taken by Ann Montgomery of Anniemations Photography. Everything you need to know about Ann can be summed up by a trip to her website, Anniemations Photography. In addition to examples of her beautiful photography, make sure the volume on your computer is turned up. I dare you not to sing along!

It took two attempts to meet with Ann because of all the rainy weather we have had recently in northern Utah, but this week we spent an hour with her in Ogden. After flirting with my grumpy children for a few minutes, she had us all won over. My kids responded to Ann naturally. She had them laughing, playing, and posing in short order. Even Moxie got in on the fun. I could not have asked for a better family portrait experience than what we had with Ann of Anniemations Photography.

I will admit I was nervous on the way to our appointment. The kids were grumpy, and grumpy kids make grumpy parents. Prior to our meeting, Ann wanted to know our "style". I looked at my husband, he looked at me, and we each wondered whether "harried" or "jumpy" counted as a "style". We wanted nice photos of our kids, and this was the first time we had attempted to have a family photo taken in nine years.

Using the examples from her website for ideas, we decided to try portraits with an industrial theme. We met Ann in Ogden near the Union Station, a historic train museum. We quickly found that Ann has a way of catching the spontaneous, natural smile of her subjects, and of focusing on the most beautiful parts of the human face. I knew my kids were cute, but I have fallen in love again after seeing Ann's photos of them! The combination of poses, lighting, and sensitivity to my children's personalities made for truly beautiful portraits. I have new appreciation for the azure blue and deep brown of my children's eyes, thanks to the amazing talent of Ann.

I never write about anything unless I love it. I never recommend things unless I love them. I am now doing both. If you need family photos - and let's face it, who doesn't - you should make an appointment with Ann Montgomery of Anniemations Photography. Ann is creative, friendly and skilled at what she does. She will capture your family and just how amazing you really are. Give Ann a try, you will not regret it!

Now, come here.

Closer . . . no, closer.

{Shhh . . . don't tell anyone I told you this.}

I will let you in on a little secret. MMB is having another HUGE monthly giveaway on June 22, and Anniemations Photography has donated a wonderful photography package for us to give away. The person that wins that package will be one of the luckiest winners we have had yet! Make sure to check out the contest and enter. Good luck!

*Don't forget to enter the Great Motherboard I-Pod giveaway! Contest ends tonight 11:59pm*

This is my favorite episode from this years, The Office. We have watched it over and over... and laugh at the exact same places. How can you not laugh?

A Dance off? Awesome!
.
Cafe Disco? Right on!

Dwight as a masseuse? Uhh. Frightening.

I have to admit, I sort of wish I worked at Dunder Mifflin. Besides, Disco makes me tap my toes and bop my head. It just happens. I can't stop myself. Must. Dance. Now.

Music is what feelings sound like. ~Author Unknown

I found out recently that my Random 10 Friday was being published in a list of all the various Meme's that are available to participate in. I'll be honest... I was thrilled! I have been blogging for 4+ years and this has been the one most consistent thing that I have blogged. Every single week. For 4+ years. Why? Because I live my life in a musical. Music has been an integral part of my life, and I punctuate those moments with music. Every kind of music there is. I am not partial to just one genre or artist. I like it all. Sometimes, even country.

What is my Random 10 Friday? For me, it's a chance to find new tunes to listen to. Whenever someone plays, and links, I immediately check out their list. If there are artists on there that I have never heard of, I go check them out on Rhapsody (my music playing/downloading choice). I have found lots of fun, new artists this way!

Let me give you the rules. In list form.

1. Put your music playing device on shuffle
2. Write down the first 10 songs that come up.
3. No cheating and taking off Kenny Rogers or Liza Minnelli because you're embarrassed.
4. Only hit skip if the same song comes up twice in the same post.
5. Write down your random thoughts-- in full sentences or not. We don't care.
6. Sign up via Mr. Linky (below my list of tunes).
7. Sit back and check out all the new tunes you will find.

*****
Happy Birthday to me! Wanna know how I celebrate my birthday over here in Crazyland? By having a giveaway! Yup. That's right. I give stuff away on my birthday! Just another service I provide for you here in Crazyland. Thank you and your welcome!

Have you entered my Great Motherboard I-pod Giveaway yet? No? Well, you should. I mean, I'm giving away an I-POD people! An I-POD! Don't you think that deserves more than 100 comments? I do. An I-POD is worthy of at least 200!

Besides, everyone is doing it. Just this once won't hurt. And, who knows. Maybe we will become friends. Besides, today is my birthday, dammit. So enter already!

*****

Remember the post about the plants, dogs and chickens? Yeah. One of the chickens died. DIED. That's a first. Usually I just lose the animals. Never, in any of my tending escapades, has an animal died.

I have reached an all time low.

*****
Remember how I told y'all that I had joined a Biggest Loser competition? (I have to admit that was my most favorite title I have come up with yet!) I was pretty stoked that first week, when I got myself up on the scale and had lost 3.4 lbs. That was simply amazing! The next week I was down another 1.3 lbs. Sweet! The next week I gained 1.6 lbs... but I blamed it on my "womanly times", or has Jefe likes to call it, my comma.

But, then I kept gaining. This week when I weighed myself, I almost threw the scale out the window. I've gained back everything I lost and then some! What the crap? What's up with that? Totally sucks, and it makes me hate skinny people. OK. Not really. Only a little.

*****
Have your kids been driving you insane because "there's nothing to do? If you have to hear "Moooommmm! I'm so bored..." one more time you just might pull a Linda Blair? Yeah. Me too. My usual retort of "only boring people get bored" just isn't cutting it any more.

Sigh.

Summer break. What's a Mom to do?

I have found myself feeling irritated with people because they tell me I just need to plan some field trips. Yeah. That's easier said than done. Especially when you are catering to so many different age groups... I have a 14 year old, a 10 year old, a 6 year old and a 1 year old. It sometimes feels like I have to plan 3 separate events, just to meet everyone's needs.


I'll be honest, until I got an email from them asking me to write about it, I had never even heard of it. I must have been living under a rock. Hiding from my whining kids. But, after reading about it, and writing a piece on it for the MMB, I am thinking that I am heading there quicker than water erases chalk!

The event has opportunities for kids of all ages to get in on the action by creating their own chalk art creation in the Kids Korner. There are live performances, and opportunities to visit the KSL vendors. Shopping, and entertained kids. What more does a mom need?

A goody bag. That's what she needs. If you get there early, there are goody bags stuffed 'chalk' full of stuff that every mother needs.

It sounds like a complete blast, and it benefits a great cause. Besides, its free. What's not to like about that? Maybe we could all meet up and pose for "I have bored kids and all I got was this lousy headache" photos.

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

*****
That's all the randomness I could muster on this fine birthday morning. Have I mentioned my giveaway? Oh. I have? Well, enter then and I'll quit shamelessly self promoting.

Remember how I was groaning that Jefe got his Harley, but I had yet to see my laptop? Guess what I opened this fine birthday morn? Yup. A sweet new lap top!

Birthdays rock!

Have a great weekend! Don't forget to come and sign the Mr. Linky... if for no other reason, do it just because its my birthday!


1. Grux - Dave Matthews Band
2. Arms of Woman - Amos Lee
3. Speed of Sound - Coldplay
4. Breathe Me - Sia
5. Hide & Seek - Imogene Heap
6. Let Go - Frou Frou
7. A Tune For Jack - Lemon Jelly
8. Don't Bring Me Down - Sia
9. I know - The Beta Band
10. Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams

Bonus: Barfly - Ray LaMontagne

Have you ever noticed the crazy people and the crap they are buying at the grocery store (read: walmart)? I have. One of my favorite pastimes is people watching. I find myself wondering what they do, and what they think, and if they have a good life. The term good being relative, of course.

I was at Wal-mart a while back, watching a woman interacting with her 6 children. It was late. Well, late for little kids to be out (read 10-ish). The oldest one with her was a boy, about Thing 2's age (10) with two pierced ears and a nicely colored Mo-hawk. Not a fo-hawk, but a MO-HAWK.

It was hot.

There was a child, about 3, passed out underneath the shopping cart-- you know, where you put your dog food? There were 2 babies, about 18months sitting/standing in the cart screaming their heads off and two more kids running around the cart, screaming, like they were high on crack. Or sugar.

It was a whirlwind of chaos. The lady sort of lost it, and started screaming at her kids. Right there in the Wal-mart.

Let's be honest, I have wanted to do that to my own insurgents many, many times. I found myself having varying levels of sympathy for her... until she turned around and I noticed her white hot attire and what she had placed on the checkout counter.

As she turned around, I couldn't help but notice the giant double F honkers she was trying to stuff back into her super tighty-nighty that was being used as a shirt. Her sweet skin-tight PLEATHER pants looked smokin'... what with her enormous giant double F honkers casting a beautiful shadow... sans bra.

Now, before you send me hate mail for being so rude about someones unruly children or those giant breasts... realize that I have giant enormous E honkers. You special order those bras. I know. I have 4. Children and bras.

As I scanned the check-out counter, while listening to the cacophony created by her crazed, sugar rushed children, and her shrill voice listing off how her kids where driving her insane, and she had no idea how she got here... I saw her purchases...

Condoms.
Cool whip.
Lingerie
KY Jelly.

Seriously.

I know how she got there.

I'm one year closer to pushing up daisies, and not those daisies up there. Although I would like to push up those daisies, cause I'd be rich. And have lots of pie. Yummm. Pie.

Sadly, I am not Pushing [up] Daisies (why'd they have to cancel that show? I loved that show!). I'm just one year closer to pushing [up] tombstones and daisy's.

My Grandpa used to say that every year on his birthday. We would say "Happy Birthday" and he would say "I'm just one year closer to pushing up tombstones and daisy's."

That's me this year. One year closer to tombstones and daisy's. I love daisy's. They are my favorite flower! No roses for this crazylady... just daisy's please. Lots and lots of daisies.
Maybe something like this...

Since its my birthday, I wanted to do a giveaway. Remember when I did the My Favorite Things Birthday Giveaway last year? Yeah. It was my first giveaway. Ever. But, since it would be pretty difficult to giveaway daisies or tombstones, I thought I would giveaway the next best thing....
Yes. An Ipod. I am giving away an Ipod for my birthday. Lucky you, huh? I want an Ipod, so maybe if I do this, The Secret will really work and I'll get one. Someday.

But, YOU! Yes you! You could have an I-pod sooner. Like the end of next week.

What do you have to do to win the great motherboard Ipod giveaway?

Comment. That's it. Just comment.

Then, if you blog about the great motherboard I-pod giveaway and comment again... It could be yours.

If you facebook AND tweet it, then come back and comment again--- You are just one step closer to having a sweet I-pod.

Subscribing to my feed gets you even closer to holding and loving and kissing an Ipod.

Remember that random.org is my love-slave and will only count how many actual comments there are. If you tell me in 1 comment that you did all 4 things... that sucks for you, cause you will only have 1 entry. Make sure you comment 4 separate times to get 4 separate entries.

Also, if your profile or email isn't attached to your profile (especially if your blog is private), and you are chosen as the mighty winner of the great motherboard I-pod giveaway... Well. You will be disqualified. It takes WAY too much effort on my part to try and hunt you down and get your deets. And, lets face it. I'm lazy.

You don't know how to hook up your email? Aww, shucks. Don't fret! It's easy, click HERE for step by step instructions--with pictures. Don't want people to know your real email? That's easy-- make up a blog email--and have it forwarded to your real email. Everyone is doing it. Why don't you too?

My cousin asked me to tend her flowers, dog and chickens this week.

Yes. Chickens.

I love my cousin and we are very close, so this is a little daunting to me. (Hi cuz!) I wanted to remind her of my very bad track record of taking care of animals... but she was in a bind, had nowhere else to turn and was leaving in 10 minutes. Going into a long diatribe about the woes of me and pet watching just wasn't happening. I wrote about it once, a while back, but I think she must have forgotten.

So, I will re-post it, as a gentle reminder as to why having me watch your critters is a very, very bad idea.

(Cuz: your dog has been played with today, and the chickens are still alive and being held. Much to their horror. xoxo)





1. You think your dog it potty trained, and think it should stay inside the whole time you are gone on your week long trip. You ask us to go over and let it out 3 times a day. We do, but your dog is NOT potty trained. At all. It poops everywhere. (especially under your bed) we cleaned up the poop and cleaned the carpets before you got home. It was really gross.

2. Asking me to check on your dog every 2 hours (because it doesn't like to be alone) is ridiculous. We told you that we did. But, we didn't. We did however put in the Shania Twain CD every night for it to listen to while it slept. (wuh?)

3. Your dog that is an outside dog? Well. It wasn't while you were gone. It was hot, and ran inside when I left the back door open while I changed the water. I couldn't get it to go back outside. So, it stayed inside. Pretty much the whole time you were gone.

4. Your dog is a total escape artist. I put it outside, and left it like you told me to. But it wouldn't come when I called it back (only like 1 hour later). I looked and looked and looked... and then found a hole in your fence. Your dog ran away. I looked all over town for it for 2 days. Then, remember that I called you on vacation to tell you your dog ran away? Yeah. That was sad. You cried. A lot.

Then a farmer left a note on your door-- but I saw it-- and I ran and saved your dumb, escape artist dog before you got home.

5. This same escape artist dog ate your blinds. I don't know how it did, since its just a little, tiny brown thing... but it did. It ate your blinds.

6. Oh. And it growls at me every time I try to lock it in its cage. I tried hard the first night to get it in its cage-- even going so far as to lay on top of the table pushed next to the cage so it wouldn't bite me. Then I gave up and let it sleep on your bed.

7. Remember how you were complaining about not being able to find mates to your kids socks? Well. It's cause when you were gone, your dog was playing with them. He buried some in the backyard I tried to get them away from him, but he thought we were playing a game. And, your neighbors were laughing at me chasing your dumb dog all over the back yard...

8. Your dog has major issues. I gave it the dog valium like you said to when it rained... only I didn't know it was raining, so I guess I gave it too him to late. The thunder was too far away for my human ears to hear. But, not for your crazy dog. Nope. He jumped up into my bed, and burrowed his way to the bottom of the bed and then licked my toes. It was gross, and I kicked him. Sorry about that!

9. Then, because it got in our bed, and was freaking out. I took it back to your house... but it was acting really weird. I was worried maybe I had over dosed your dog. So I slept on your couch watching your dumb dog try and climb the walls. I really didn't sleep. And, your dog is weird.

10. I forget I am watching your dog, but remember in the middle of the night. So I get dressed and run over there to feed your dog and water the dog (thank heavens you left him outside this time)... Just in time for you to come home in the afternoon. He was only forgotten for 2 days... and there was still food and water. So no big deal, right??

11. Your dog pukes. A lot. And, I had to clean it up. It was gross.

12. Umm. Your dog? Yeah. It knows how to get out of its kennel. I don't know how it does it, but he does. Every! Freaking! Time! I come in the house... he is there to greet me. How? Do you have a Houdini dog??

Every summer, I pull out Harry Potter. I read the books from cover to cover and then the books on tape get plopped in. We have our daily scripture listening, over breakfast. Then, after that, its the Harry Potter listening. All while we fold laundry, or clean bathrooms and do the dishes. Harry is always there.

He is like my long lost best friend. Whenever I dust him off, we pick up right where we left off... fantastic adventures around every corner. I'm right there with him, fighting off those dementors. Or disapparating with Dumbledore and eating Bertie Botts Every Flavor Bean.

Truth be told, I kind of have a small-ish crush on Harry Potter. Not the Daniel Radcliff Harry Potter, but the Harry potter that lives in my brain. I know. That's sort of gross, seeing how I am a middle aged woman-- old enough to be his mother-- and he's... well... Jail bait.

I could be the Hog to his Warts. Or the butter in his beer, or the pad to his foot! I would even be the snap in his crackle and pop!

I'm the 4th wheel to this crazy friendship tricycle. I am the one that balances everything out-- cause we all know the saying "three's a crowd". With me running around with them, tossing hexes and curses right along side them-- there is no crowd. Only excitement and adventure.





At least that's how it goes in my mind.

Reality is that I would have probably been some lumpy Hufflepuff girl, watching Harry from the sidelines as he and his pals had all the amazing adventures.

That's really how my life rolls.

But, being a lumpy Hufflepuff girl would still have been pretty sweet. I could have used magic to fold my laundry.

Today was the first day of summer vacation. Or Prison. It depends on with whom you were talking.

I think I have officially earned the meanest mother nomination.

Especially since I made my kids do - GASP- chores today. On their vacation. Which, to them, meant a vacation from everything. Including chores.

{insert evil laugh}

Not only were there chores, but Thing 1 - the teenager - had to go to summer PE. Never mind that it gets her out of PE during the school year (and out of showering AT SCHOOL). She gets to go golfing, hiking, swimming, laser tagging... who wouldn't want to do that? AND not have to take PE during the school year, or take showers? (can I have an amen?)

It sounded like a perfect way to spend the month of June.

But, I'm a grown up. That is old and boring, and I apparently have no life. That's why it would sound fun.

Meanest Mother award? Yup! It's in the bag!