I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think its the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person. - Audry Hepburn

Word.

I love to laugh. There is absolutely nothing that is more cleansing than a good gut-busting laugh. One that leaves you with tears streaming down your face and a little wet spot in your panties. It's healing for the soul to just laugh. Especially when you feel like crying.

There are certain people that you turn to who make you see the funny parts of life and then they laugh at you. Which then helps you be able to laugh at yourself. Being able to do that is essential to survival. You cannot take yourself so seriously that you can't laugh at yourself.

Being able to see the humor in your life is an important tool that I have tried to teach my children.

Be able to laugh at yourself. Others will, that's for sure. And, if you can laugh at yourself, it takes away their power and makes you more desirable. Wanna know why?

Cause you can laugh at yourself.

Laughter. It's a beautiful thing.

***

It's official. I'm old peeps.

How did I finally come to this conclusion? Well, I'll tell you. When I was younger, I was a thrill seeker. Anything I could do to get an adrenalin rush, I would seek after these things. I loved that rush. I rock climbed, rock repelled, went spelunking, mountain biking, back country skiing, river rafting, anything that was exciting or even just a titch dangerous, you could count me in.
 
Now?

I get anxious riding the freaking Sky Ride at Lagoon.

I spend the whole time holding on to my babies begging them not to move a single muscle because I'm afraid they're going to slide off the ride and plummet to their death.

Roller Coasters not only make me majorly sick and give me vertigo, I worry the kids are going to fall out or the roller coaster is going to break and they'll all die.

Totally un-healthy fears? Yes. That's how I know I'm old.

I'm afraid of getting hurt and leaving my babies motherless and further, I'm afraid they will get hurt and leave me baby-less.

Which would be a fate worse than death, yo.

***
I am happy to report that I have kept up my goal of doing one fun thing a day with my children this summer. Even if that one fun thing is just going to get snow cones and the worlds best corn dogs. We're doing something adventurous every day and I am enjoying the hell out of my summer vacation.

Jefe said to me yesterday that he couldn't wait for school to start. I looked at him like he'd grown three heads. That is the first time I have ever heard him say something like that. Usually its me counting down the days until the schedule returns to normal. But not this year. I'm loving the bohemian life. It fits me like a weathered old glove.

When I asked why he wanted school to start, he responded that we're all home more when everyone is in school.

Which I understand. Jefe wants his people home, not gallivanting all over kingdom come.

***

Isn't she a beauty?

I took Thing 1 up to register for University classes this past week. It brought back so many memories. I went to this school and absolutely loved it. It was a fantastic experience and I made so many wonderful friends. I am excited for her and this new adventure that she is embarking on. And, the little girls are thrilled that she is going to live at home.

Honestly? Me too.

I would miss her entirely too much if she were to move out yet. This mama is not ready to let her fly away.

It seems like yesterday that this little critter entered my life and it was forever changed. For good. She has been the light of my life and has brought me so much joy. I have enjoyed so much watching her grow up. Don't get me wrong, she's been a pill at times, worrying this old bag of bones, but for the most part, she has been an absolutely delightful child to raise. She is obedient (except for keeping her room cleaned), hasn't been out partying it up like a banshee. She is just a good kid. A talented kid. A smart kid. And, I'm so grateful to be her mother.

It's been interesting to me the past couple of months, because I can feel the dynamics of our relationship changing. She is an adult now, and as such is more of an equal. We give her advice on what to do, and even push her to make better choices (or any choice at all cough*college*cough) but then we let her govern herself. We have rules we expect her to follow, but I feel our relationship changing and I dearly love this new friendship we have. She is such a quick witted, delightful child. I'm so glad she's mine.

***

That's about all the randomness that I can vomit up for this week. Take it easy and remember to keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times, hold on tight and have fun!



1. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (Live) - U2
2. Gone Gone Gone - Phillips Phillips
3. Southern Girl - Amos Lee
4. My Town - Montgomery Gentry
5. SkyFall - Adele
6. Bluesology - The Modern Jazz Quartet
7. Life's A Happy Song - The Muppets
8. La Vie En Rose - Louis Armstrong
9. Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine
10. Come On Get Higher - Matt Nathanson

Bonus: Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams

Here's a view from Crazyland via Instagram. I love that app. Its my favorite, especially now that you can upload videos. Simply Brilliant. Jefe told me the other day that he was so glad that I did Instagram because he was able to see all the things we were up to as a family while he was off at work.It is a wonderful way to capture the minuta of our lives and we all know that I'm a big advocate of doing that.

Remember that all the photos were taken with my iPhone 5 and edited with the iPhone. 

I can't believe that we are half way through with summer vacation. It seems totally impossible. This summer vacation is just flying by and I am feeling rather gypped.

I have tried my hardest to do something fun with my two little girls every day-- even if all we did was go and get a snow-cone. I want them to be able to say, when they lay down for bed at night,  that they did one fun thing that day.

Am I spoiling them?

Yes.

So what?

Life is too short to not try and make a fun memory with the people you love on a daily basis. It doesn't have to cost money to do that either. It just requires you making an effort to be present in the moment. Whatever the moment is, be present. And that my friends, is a hard thing for us to do. This generation that has been taught that multi-tasking is how you represent your level of success. And in reality when we are "multi-tasking" we are missing out on the most important moments that are happening right in front of our nose.

Be present people, and make a fun memory daily.

***
The fourth of July is my favorite holiday. And not for any other reason that its an excuse to be lazy. People expect you to take a nap on the 4th. They expect you to lay around in the sun, eating yourself into a coma and just being with the people you love. I got to do all of that. I worked the early morning shift at work which, oddly enough, makes me happy. I ate a sweet french toast breakfast cooked by Jefe and actually took a nap at 930am.

I got to hang out with my friends and family at the parade -- and I forgot to put sunscreen on my feet of all places and got a rather lovely sunburn. I watched a ridiculous amount of stupid floats cars come by in the parade throwing out tons of candy. Which apparently must have been an extremely rare form of candy judging by the amount of adults rushing around trying to get the candy.


My favorite part of this holiday is the water parade AFTER the real parade. Oh. My. Word. I love it like a fat kids loves cake. After the parade is over, they wait about 15 minutes to allow everyone time to get out of dodge that doesn't want to get wet. Then the real fun starts.

Floats designed specifically for the water parade come down the road and its a giant town water fight. I love watching my entire town play together, getting wet. It absolutely sends me over the moon. They have the construction trucks that shoot water hundreds of feet in the "water parade" and they are spraying the crowd as fast as the crowd is spraying them back.

People will take tarps and line their pickup trucks with the tarps and then fill up the entire back of the trucks with water to then be used to fill bucket after bucket to dump on people. It seriously is the happiest thing in the world for me to watch.

My town.

My town playing together, bonding.

It's seriously the best place to live. Period.

After the water fight, we ate The Worlds Best Corn dogs which, frankly ARE the worlds best corn dogs. They are so freaking good they put you in a corn dog coma.


Which is totally worth the bazillion calories those puppies have. Seriously people. These things are so damn good.  Fresh cornmeal batter on a giant dog, deep fried on the spot and then drizzled with honey and mustard (my personal favorite). I didn't think I would be able to eat the entire monstrosity, but oh my heavens, I did. And it was good.

It was an absolutely wonderful day culminated by the firework show of the century. My neighbors, apparently, were having a contest to see who could out do each other with their fireworks. It ended up being a finale type of display for over an hour. I didn't mind it at first, and had a great time sitting on my porch watching them respond to each other, trying to one each other up. But, the later the hour got, the more panicked I got because all I could see was that looming hour of 3:45am staring me in the face. I had to work this morning and staying up until 11 or so makes it rather difficult to get out of bed.

I love the 4th of July for all those reasons listed above and about seventy bazillion more. I have wonderful memories associated with this holiday. Happy memories that leave me with that happy, peaceful feeling whenever I think about them. I love where I live. I love this country. And I love that my family is together. We made it and that, in and of itself is reason enough to celebrate. Every. Single. Day.

Amen.

***
1. Wonderwall - Ryan Adams
2.  Shout Out Loud - Amos Lee
3. Somebody That I Used to Know - Gotye
4. Dirty Rain (acoustic) - Ryan Adams
5. In Need of A Miracle - New Radicals
6. This Love (Acoustic) - Maroon 5
7. Sweetest Thing - U2
8. Mercy (Live) - Dave Matthews Band
9. Wanted - Hunter Hayes
10. Colors - Amos Lee

Bonus Track: She Will Be Loved (Acoustic) - Maroon 5

  From the Happiest place on earth!

Thing 2 and his Cousin - They've got swagger!

Thing 2 left us this week to go off into the mountains to play pioneer. I always get really excited for them to go have the experience. It's a great way for them to get perspective on how blessed their lives are; however once they have lift off and are off pioneering, I spend the whole time worrying. Are they too hot? Do their feet hurt? Are they getting enough to eat? Are they taking care of my baby?

They only spend a small amount of time playing pioneer and yet, if done well, it can have a profound effect on them. I am anxious to hear how he felt about the Women's Pull.

Just thinking about that makes me teary.

I tried to find a good video to link to so that my friends and family that aren't Mormon can have a glimpse of what I am talking about. If I find it, I'll post a separate post about it.

I had to get a story together for Thing 2 to take with him on his adventure and I remembered the one I found when Thing 1 was playing pioneer  and I got emotional again as I rewrote it all down for Thing2. I suppose it hit closer to home this time around. I am not totally sure why the story impacted me so deeply writing it down for Thing 2  but it did. I have thought about that story almost non-stop since sending Thing 2 off on his adventure.

My Great, Great, Great Grandfather crossed the plains with his family and his daughter was about the age of Moxie when she died somewhere near the Sweet Water River -- which was a little over a hundred miles from the Salt Lake Valley. They buried their daughter in a shallow grave out on the wild prairie and continued on with the Wagon Company.

I can't even imagine my little girl dying, let alone burying her in a grave on the prairie to be left there. Alone. Unnoticed or recognized for the remainder of ... well, forever. The thought of it breaks my heart. As I am sure it did her Father and Mother.

Seventy-five miles from their final destination, my Great, Great, Great Grandfathers wife, Caroline, died; however, before she died, she made him promise that she would not bury her on the prairie, but rather take her body to the Salt Lake Valley and bury her there. She also made him promise that he would go back and get their daughter and bring her body back to the Valley and bury their little girl next to her mother.

And so my Great, Great Great Grandfather carried the body of his dead wife all the way to the valley, not stopping for anything. When he got there, he buried her -- making her the first white woman to be buried in the Valley -- and turned immediately around and headed back out to get his daughter. He rested with his Wagon Company for one day and then continued on to where he had buried his daughter. When he got to that sacred place he found that the wolves had already gotten to her, making it impossible to carry out his dying wife's last request.

Can you imagine?

I can't.

While some people think that Pioneer Trek is super weird and dumb-- and at first glance it does seem super weird and dumb -- I think it is a wonderful way for these kids to catch a glimpse of what their ancestors sacrificed for them. It is a way to learn about your history in a tangible way and it makes you appreciate the blessings that are in your life. There really is not another way to really help young people understand just how hard it was to walk across the plains -- 1,300 miles -- pulling a hand cart and fighting off animals, Indians, hunger and even death. Telling them stories is one thing, but re-enacting it creates a whole new experience for them and I think it can strengthen their connection to not just their past, but to their ancestors.

***
That's really all I have this week. My thoughts have been centered almost entirely around Pioneers and my son. I hope you all have a lovely weekend. I will be counting down the hours until he is back safely in my home.


1. Wild Horses (Live) - Alicia Keyes, Adam Levine
2. 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
3. I Don't Want to Die Anymore - New Radicals
4. Ants Marching (Live) - Dave Matthews Band
5. Wanted - Hunter Hayes
6. Sweetest Thing - U2
7. Mad World - Gary Jules
8. Elizabeth, You Were Born to Play That Part - Ryan Adams
9. Gone, Gone, Gone - Phillip Phillips
10. What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts

Bonus: Feel It All Around - Washed Out

In my new position at work, I am able to put people "on hold". That doesn't seem like a huge deal until you realize that before I wasn't able to do that. Sometimes people are just too damn chatty and I just want to get the work done and not hear about all the stuff going on in their life. I am happy to change your flights and hotels at Four A.M, but please don't small talk me at this God awful hour of the morning. I don't care about your gout, or that your girlfriend just broke up with you. Nor do I care about the your dog, the neighbors dog or why you missed your flight.

When I type that all out it makes me sound super mean. And, I'm not. Except at 4:00 in the morning. Call me during normal business hours and I'm as nice and chatty as the next Kathy down the block. But at zero-stupid-thirty? Not so much. Every time my phone rings during the stupid o'clock hours, the first thing I want to ask is why in the SAM HILL are you not sleeping?

A lot of times people are drunk dialing at stupid-thirty in the morning because planning a trip when your intoxicated makes SO MUCH SENSE.

Anyway, back to the purpose of this post. Holding. 

Typically when I say I am reaching out to someone and ask if they can hold, I am just muting them while I instant message the various people I am "reaching out to". It's faster a lot of the time, especially when the various departments I have to reach out to have long hold times. I'll mute and instant message.

OR I'll tell them I need to have them hold while I finish up what they need me to do and I'll mute and just work so I don't have to carry on small talk.

People.

The things I have heard while people have been "on hold" are totally nasty.

Lip curling NASTY. As in N-A-S-T-Y nasty.

Once you've started whatever unmentionable you are doing while you're "on hold" I have a hard time figuring out exactly when I am safe to jump back in the "conversation". Seriously. How do you jump back in to a conversation when the following is happening? 

1. Someone going to the bathroom. Pee is one thing. It's gross and I don't want to hear it.

But number two? Seriously? While you're on hold?

Please don't.

2. Fighting with their kids is one thing, but fighting with the spouse, the neighbor lady across the street and the dog?  Please don't. I don't want to hear how you really feel about that trashy tramp across the street and her tacky car.

3. Sexy time. {shudder}

(yes. someone was actually "doing it" while they were trying to make a vacation reservation. why? because they're gross.)

(yes. I actually threw up a little in my mouth over that one)

4. Chewing your gum. Popping your gum. Smacking your lips. You have no idea how tacky that is, and how much you sound like a friggin' cow.

5.  Eating. Anything. Just don't. Unless you are going to mute ME.

Just remember that when someone says they are going to reach out to someone and the phone goes silent, you just might not be on hold. You are more than likely muted and the person on the other end can hear every single thing you are doing.

Every. Single. Thing. 

(see number 3)

And they are now scarred for life.

I found this recipe last year on Pinterest and it has become my go-to dinner. When I'm in a hurry or just not feeling the dinner mojo, I make this baby. My family loves it and it's so friggin' easy! 

Seriously people? How did we ever accomplish anything without Pineterest?


4-6 raw chicken breasts
new potatoes
green beans (fresh or canned-really any green veggie would work. (Broccoli is good, too).
Arrange in 9x13 dish.
Sprinkle with a packet of dry Italian dressing mix and then top with a melted stick of butter. Cover with foil and bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour.

 Thing 1 has had a best friend since she was 5 years old -- they were in the same primary class church and have "played together" (read: teased) each other longer than they haven't. They don't know what their lives would be like without the other, and have become, quite truly, what the term Best Friend really means. They have seen each other at their worst, and their best and have never left each other hanging. Even when one or the other of them is afraid of the dark and wants someone to talk to them on the phone until their mom and dad get home..

*cough*ben*cough
It helps that their mothers are best friends, and constantly in contact. Which, I think, has been a model for them to follow on how to be a true friend.

They saw each other for the first time in eight years this past week and it was absolutely delightful for me to see these childhood friends pick right up where they left off... as true friends mixed in with a little sassy teasing. Ben is leaving the texting, calling world behind for two years so he can go serve a mission for our church. He's been assigned to Ventura California, Spanish speaking and I think Thing 1 is more excited about his call than anyone else. She is beaming with pride that he decided to serve. And, frankly so am I.







Typically by the time we get to church there aren't any seats available inside, and we find ourselves park on the comfy couches in outer darkness. This past week, we found ourselves there at a decent time and actually sitting in the Telestial Kingdom. Maybe someday we'll actually make it to the Celestial Kingdom.

One can hope, right?

That's a peek at my life via instagram. Gimme a follow and keep up with all the stupid stuff I take pictures of, and now there's even videos. Joy. Rapture.

I have been doing a lot of cooking from the pins that I have pinned on Pinterest lately, and I have to say that the most recent dinner made that was inspired by Pinterest was a family favorite. Everyone loved it, including my picky eaters.




I did, however, modify it a bit simply because I didn't have a lot of time to follow each step. I thawed my chicken in the microwave and then instead of cooking it in the pan with oil, I sprinkled each side of the chicken breast with the powder mixture, and then lightly browned each side. I transferred it to a pan that I had lined with tin-foil and then sprayed and I sprinkled Mozzarella cheese all over it. I baked the chicken until it was mostly done. Then I pulled it out, and put the avocado, tomato and more mozzarella cheese on it and baked it until the internal temperature of the chicken was165, and the juices ran clear.

It was simply fantastic and was super fast and easy to prepare. I served it with a Spinach green salad and garlic bread.


Avocado Chicken


Ingredients 
1 teaspoon olive oil
 2 boneless skinless chicken breasts
1/4 teaspoon onion powder
 1 teaspoon lemon juice
 1/2 teaspoon salt
 1/2 teaspoon pepper
 1/2 avocado, sliced
1 tomato, sliced
 1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

Directions 
1. Heat oven to 350.
2. Heat oil in a medium skillet. Add chicken to the pan and sprinkle with onion powder, salt and pepper. Cook for 3 minutes on each side, or until lightly browned.
3. Transfer chicken to a greased baking dish and top each breast with avocado, tomato and cheese. Drizzle with lemon juice.
 4. Bake for 10-12 minutes or until cheese is melted and chicken is done.

Here's what I was seeing this past week.


 





  Thing 3 getting her groove on to One Direction while cruising in the jeep.   

Summer is upon us here in Crazyland and we are embracing it like an old worn coat.The children are settling nicely into the routine of sleeping in late, which is delightful for me. I'm up hours before their little bodies start stirring. I've worked my shift for work, done a couple loads of laundry, loaded the dishwasher and sat on my porch watching the sun peak her nose over my mountains, gracing me with her warmth.

I love this time of year and all the bright cheery heat that it brings with it. When people are complaining that its too hot, I'm grinning and sunning myself like a fat old cat. I love the heat. I love the late, bright nights. I love the freedom and Gypsy life that the warmth brings to my life. It fits me. It fits me well.

If I could live anywhere in the world I would choose a place where we have one season: warm. All the other seasons are nice places to visit, but I want my home to be cozy warm. Year Round.

***

My favorite guilty pleasure right now is Zupa's Pina Colada Salad and Enchilada Soup. I could seriously eat there every day.

And, I did. Last week.

It's a little rough on the pocket book and so I have been on a quest to find the perfect imitation recipe and I think I may have found her. It seriously is a wonderful little salad that is light, refreshing and yet filling as well.

Pina Colada Salad 

3 romaine lettuce hearts, chopped
2 large cans mandarin oranges, drained
1 large can pineapple tidbits, drained
1 red onion, diced
1 1/2 cups tortilla strips
3/4 cup crumbled feta cheese
3-4 chicken breasts, cooked, cooled & cubed
toasted coconut, optional

Toss all of the ingredients together in a large bowl or layer on a platter.  Serve with Pina Colada Vinaigrette dressing.

PINA COLADA VINAIGRETTE

1/2 cup plus 2 TBSP sugar
1/3 cup mr. & mrs. T's pina colada drink mix
1/3 cup rice or apple cider vinegar- rice will make it more mild or
apple cider will make it stronger tasting
1/2 tsp. ginger powder
1 tsp. dry mustard
1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/4 cup vegetable oil

In a blender combine all ingredients except the oil.  Blend well until light & frothy.  With the blender still on, slowly add oil in a steady stream.  Keep blending until the dressing is emulsified & thickened.

***
My kids decided to have a bake sale yesterday. They spent all morning in the kitchen while I was working creating their perfect master piece to then go outside and sell on the corner. They brought me a sample to taste and as I examined it I asked what it was. There response? Smore's on the Go.

Right?

I asked them where they got the recipe and they told me they made it up. Everyone likes smores, so they wanted to make some that you could grab from the freezer to eat ... on the go.

They had taken marshmallows, melted them and spread them on graham crackers. Then they melted chocolate chips -- except all we had was white chocolate chips and mint chocolate chips -- and drizzled that all over the cracker mixture.

Mint Chocolate chips used as a "smore" is not good, peeps. I'm just sayin'. Don't try it.

Maybe if they had used regular chocolate chips it would have tasted better. But I seriously gagged as I choked that "treat" down. I smiled, gave them a thumbs up and sent them out to the corner to sell their magic treats while I spit them out in garbage.

My kids. The consummate entrepreneurs.  Every summer we go down this road, them brain storming various ways to make it rich.

Yesterday's earning? $1.50. From me.

Time to hit the drawing board again, girls. 

***

1.Feel It All Around - Washed Out
2. She Will Be Loved (acoustic) - Maroon 5
3. Stay (Live Wrigley Field) - Dave Matthews Band
4. Mother We Just Can't Get Enough - New Radicals
5.All Summer Long - Kid Rock
6. Ho Hey - Lumineers
7. If I Ain't Got You (Unplugged) - Alicia Keyes
8. Come Home - Ryan Adams
9. Steady As We Go (Live from Red Rocks) - Dave Matthews Band
10. I Will Follow (Live) - U2

Bonus: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (Live from Milan) - U2

During the wee hours of the morning while I am working,  I try to use my time in useful ways. Like watching videos or reading trashy chick Lit. In the course of working this new shift (just a little over a month) I have prepared two Relief Society lessons,  read four books and watched an entire season of Breaking Bad.

Yeah I know.

I've already seen all of the seasons of Breaking Bad.

Don't judge me.

However, this past week I have been watching Ted Talks in the morning while I "work".

My sister told me about Brene Brown several months ago. She has done extensive research into vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame. As my sister talked to me about this woman and her ideas it felt like a whole new world was opening up to me. Feelings that I would have when I interacted with various people started to make sense and my world was being rocked. In a good way.

 I needed to mull over the things she would tell me, and digest them little by little. I would go back and ask my sister more questions and she would encourage me to watch the videos and read her book. I'm not sure why it took me so long to actually sit down and watch them... probably because I had to actually sit down and watch them. And that takes time. And I had more pressing things to do, like read trashy chick lit and watch Breaking Bad.

Whatever. Don't Judge.

Yet, as I watched her first Ted Talk (the one above) I was floored. I kept having to pick my jaw up off the floor. It made so much sense. I was energized with the idea that something as simple as being willing to be vulnerable could, in fact, be the birth place to creativity, innovation and change.

 I have struggled because it feels like my creativity has become stagnant, stuck, dead, dried up in the water, gone, gone baby GONE.

I miss her. My creative side. And, for the life of me I haven't been able to figure out where she has been hiding; However, as I watched the video I started to understand where she had been.

The ideas she teaches are fantastic and frankly Mind Blowing.


What really rocked my world and has had me thinking non-stop about how I parent and interact with others is the second video she did on Shame.

Shame.

It's such a dirty little word.

Shame.

It has a tendency to rule our lives, mixed in with a heavy helping of Guilt and Fear of Failing.

Fear of failing is very real thing and it can be paralyzing. I see it in my daughter who just graduated. She has been so worried about making the right choice, and then succeeding in that choice that she has failed to make any choice. The world views failure through the lens of  shame, but in reality its not a bad thing to fail. Failing is good. It means you tried. It means you allowed yourself to be vulnerable and open. Some of the most successful people have failed. And failed big. But they didn't view that failure through the lens of shame. They viewed it through the lens of courage. 

According to Brene Brown, shame  is an epidemic in our culture. We embrace it and proudly wear it like a medal of honor. And it is killing us all slowly.  Killing relationships. Killing creativity. Killing potential. Killing testimonies. Killing personal self worth. Killing people.

"Empathy is the antidote to shame.  If you put shame in a petri dish it needs three things to grow exponentially: Secrecy, Silence and Judgement.  If you put the same amount of shame in a petri dish and dose it with empathy it cannot survive. The two most powerful words when we are in struggle is "me too."

 I know, right?

I heard it. That was your mind blowing, too, wasn't it? 

How many times do we not tell people how we are really feeling because we are worried we will be judged? How many times when asked how we're doing, reply "I'm Ok." when in reality we feel like we're drowning? How many times do we shut down the vulnerable side of us and listen to our critics -- the worst one being yourself -- and embrace the words we are hearing in our head: who do you think you are? you're not good enough, you're not important, you're not smart enough, you can't do that, you're a loser and a failure? 

By doing all that we are flaming the shame, allowing it to grow, take control of our lives, rule us and ruin us.

"The two most powerful words when we struggle are 'me too' " and by using those two little words, we take away the opportunity for shame to take root and grow. If we are going to find our way back to each other as a society vulnerability is the path. Its seductive to sit on the sideline, planning furiously how we will succeed. How we will accomplish our life goals, but not actually taking the plunge until "I'm ready." Or "financially secure." Or "have more money." Or whatever the excuse may be.

It's easier to let the shame wash over us and tell us we aren't "enough."

Telling people how you feel, or that you are struggling or that you need help isn't a sign of weakness but the most accurate measurement of courage.

Let me repeat that: Vulnerability is not a weakness, but the most accurate measurement of courage. 

Courage people.

Being vulnerable and open with others means you have Courage. With a capital C.

All I want for the people I love is for them to dare greatly. To look that critic in the eye  -- who is usually staring us back from the mirror-- and respond with "Who do I think I am? I am me and I am awesome. I can accomplish whatever I can dream."

Because they can. And so can you.

Watch the videos. I promise it will be the best forty minutes you will spend all week.

Even better than an episode of Breaking Bad.

Pinky Swear.

Photography has always been something that I have dearly loved. I look at things and see things differently than most people, just because everything I look at has something interesting that you can photograph, some interesting way you can turn it into art.

I used to carry my gigantic DSLR camera around with me everywhere I went, with another littler one in my purse, however, since I started using an iPhone, I have found with each new phone that has come out, I haven't needed all the other cameras as much. Unless I'm wanting to really zoom in on something.

I have five folders of photography apps that I use when I'm fiddling around with my camera, with my most favorite being Instagram. I seriously dig that app. I was using it WAY before everyone else and their dog jumped on board. Back in "the olden days" when there was zero spam and it was full of actual photographs... amazing photographs that move you in ways that only good art can.

Now it has become a trendy brand-pushing, spamming machine and is losing the fun of seeing amazing photographers. And yet I still hang around, perusing what I can find to see if anything moves me to try new things.

I participate in a lot of the daily photography memes (# fmsphotoaday being the most popular) and its fun to see what happens in peoples lives on a daily basis. I am planning on taking these little gems that I am capturing and printing them out on a larger canvas to showcase the year in the lives of Crazyland. 

Here's a view of last week: 

this picture has nothing to do with this post.

I think this is the first time in a very long time that I am not dreading the onset of summer. Usually by this time of year I am a giant ball of nerves because of the impending jail sentence of being designated Cruise Director for three months.

This year? Not so much.

I find myself thinking "Is it summer already? We have stuff to do, places to see!" For the first time in years I am excited to have all my people home, driving me insane and being lazy. I plan on drinking in every last drop because all too soon, this little nest of mine is going to be feeling rather empty. I have one little chick flapping her wings, readying herself to fly away.

That thought breaks my heart.

***
Years ago I wrote a first day of school post and had pictures that depicted the various stages of life I found myself in. Looking at the photos now, make my heart sad because I didn't realize at the time how accurate they truly were. "I will only know about their day what they choose to tell me." So true. 

Thing 1 is graduating from High School today. She made it. She did it. She is entering the world of adulthood. She is more my equal than not now and while I love the idea of us transitioning into a new era of friendship and camaraderie, my heart aches for the days when she would crawl up on my lap and ask me to tickle her back so she could go to sleep. Now I only know about her what she chooses to tell me, and it is getting less and less information the older she gets -- which is as it should be -- and it makes my heart ache for the days of yore. 

***
Thing 2 brought his girlfriend and another friend home from school with him yesterday. He texted me and asked me if I would go get them some pizza and frosty's. Of course I obliged. He has me wrapped around his little finger.  

They hung out here, Thing 2, his girlfriend and his wing-man, for the most of the night. Once his wing-man left, and it was just the girlfriend and he on the couch, snuggling, watching The Hunchback of Notre Dame, I felt that familiar feeling. He felt comfortable enough with his family to bring his important people home for us to interact with. And, interact with the two little girls did. They pestered and played with him and his girlfriend most of the night.

I like this girl. She played with my little girls and treated them kindly. And, she brings out the best in my son. He was a kinder, more patient person while she was here. Granted, he was probably on his best behave (as Moxie calls it) trying to impress his girl, but to me that's a huge bonus. 
 
I laid in my bed, listening to her laugh as she teased Thing 2 and the little girls and my heart swelled with joy. All that time and money we had spent in counseling has paid off. My people are happy to be home with their important people and that makes everything we have been through worthwhile.

I love my kids to pieces and hearing them play and interact together -- happily -- are some of the best sounds on the planet. 

***
I had someone call into work the other day over the top pissed because they had booked a flight to Boston but somehow had ended up in Philadelphia. 

I know, right??! 

Truthfully, I had no idea how to respond to this person because how in the SAM HILL does one mistake the words Philadelphia for Boston? The airport codes are not similar at all. 

 I can't understand how: A) the boarding agent let them get on the wrong flight and B) how the customer did not realize they were boarding the wrong flight. 

They say over and over again where the flight that is being boarded is going. How do you confuse Philadelphia for Boston?


Crack. That's how. 
***
Jefe bought the kids and I season passes to Lagoon again this year. To say I am over the moon happy about that would be a huge understatement. I love that stupid place more than any sane adult should. There are two reasons why: 

1.  I spent half my childhood/teenage years at that place working and playing. I have so many fond memories of growing up and a large majority of them include Lagoon. In fact my Mom and I were talking the other day about how I never complained about going to work when I was a teenager, and I started working when I was fourteen years old. I loved my job(s) that I had at Lagoon. It was a wonderful place to work as a teenager. It offered me a social life along with money. 

2. One of my favorite past times is people watching. I have no idea why but I seriously love watching people, seeing how they interact and how diverse the world is. It's fascinating to me to wonder what each persons story is, and sometimes (nerd alert) I find myself writing their stories in my head. Like the lady I saw crying the ugly cry at Disneyland. Who cry's at Disneyland? I had a fantastic tale I had woven as I stole glances at her while getting my Vanilla Diet Coke refilled. For the bajillionth time. 

***
Speaking of Disneyland, I actually found myself looking at season passes for Disneyland the other day. Now that we can fly for free, I don't see any reason why we wouldn't hop on a plane and head to Disney for the day. 

That could end up being WAY cooler than Lagoon. 

***
Have I mentioned lately how much I love my job? Because peeps. I seriously don't just love it, I pink, sparkly, puffy heart LURVE it! I don't love getting up at 3:45am to be ready for calls at 4:00, but I DO love my end time of 10am. And I REALLY love working from home. 

Like a lot.

I love walking upstairs on my break and being able to check on all my sleeping people. I love that when Moxie isn't feeling well, she comes and sets up her little nest under my desk and watches a movie on my iPad while I work. 

I love being able to run up on my break and seeing if I can get the entire kitchen cleaned, which I can. My record? 12:49 seconds to load the dishwasher, wipe off all counters and sweep the floor. My kids are on crack telling me it takes an hour to clean the kitchen. 

An hour if you load a dish and then send eighty texts maybe. 

***
That's all she wrote. 

Have a delightful weekend. I'll be over here in crazyland crying buckets at the High School Graduation. Then stuffing my face with some seriously good food. 



1.  Someday We'll Know - New Radicals
2.  Set Fire to Rain - Adele
3.  Hannah - Ray LaMontagne
4.  If I Ain't Got You (Live) - Maroon 5
5.  You Might Die Trying (Live Wrigley Field) - Dave Matthews Band
6.  I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (Live Milan) - U2
7.  My Wish - Rascal Flatts
8.  Keep It Lose, Keep It Tight - Amos Lee
9.  She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5
10. SkyFall - Adele

Bonus: Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams

It's been a while since I posted one of my lists of what I've been doing/listening to lately. So here's what's been going on in my life:

1. Got a killer new job working for an airline. I went through a month of hellacious training. When I say hellacious I mean HELLACIOUS. It was stressful beyond belief and so freaking hard. Not because the information I was learning was hard, but it was basically boot camp for the airline -- strip your identity away and then rebuild you as a new and improved crew member. I seriously wondered what in the Sam-Hill I had gotten myself into. I loved every single minute that we were in class, but it was still the most stressed I have been in a long  long time.

2. Got a killer promotion at my new job. That's right. I graduated from training and a wicked cool position came open in a support department and I decided to go for it. I went all ball busters on it and got the promotion which meant back to more training for me. Only this time the training was absolutely delightful. It was a completely different experience being trained in a support department verses the initial front-line training. I spent the day learning about destinations all over the world and which hotels are what and all the fun things there are to do in all the various destinations around the world. Basically I'm a Travel Agent for the airline and I dig it. I dig it hard.

3. Watched a ridiculous amount of indoor football. Thing 2 played on an indoor league this year and the kids on his team were all Sophomores in High School and BIG. My poor baby looked like a little midget next to these kids and I was terrified he was going to get squished. But the boy loved it. The older boys were super nice to him and pushed him harder than he has been pushed in a while. I saw some serious improvements in his confidence. Besides, it was super good for him to be exercising every day for two hours.

4. Watched a ridiculous amount of Soccer. Thing 3 was on two teams this spring - a rec team and a comp team. She has blossomed into this amazing Keeper who is willing to dive and sacrifice her body for the good of the team. She wears her keeper wounds like a trophy prize-- proudly showing all who will listen the various wounds and exactly how she got them. The comp team has been wonderful for her because its something that is just hers, and hers alone. And, she's good at it. Her self confidence has grown exponentially over this past season and its in large part because of Soccer.

5. Thing 1 is graduating from High School in one week. ONE WEEK my baby, who is not really my baby, is being set free into the big bad world. It's exciting for me see her growing up and she is terrified. As was I when I was her age. We are more alike than different, she and I and its fun to see how much further ahead in life she is than what I was at her age. She is starting her college career with over 30 college credits which is amazing to me. I started college with a buck-two-eighty-five in my pocket and not a clue in the world. She is worlds ahead of where I was her age.

She is a delightful child who has turned into a delightful young woman. I have thoroughly enjoyed these past couple of years with her-- she is smart and thoughtful and wise beyond her years. I am excited to see where the waves of life take this child of mine.

6. Moxie is giving me a run for my money. She says the funniest things on a rather regular basis and she thinks she is way older than what her small five years actually are. She graduated from Pre-school yesterday and I felt rather verklepmt. My two bookends are graduating and leaving my nest. I don't like it. Not one little bit. I have this photo of me with my kids and I'm reaching out for their hands... it's symbolic because I really feel once they head off to school I am only privy to what they choose to share with me.

I feel like the Dad in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and even though that's my favorite scene and I laugh like a crazy lunatic, my heart now breaks a little because I understand that cry on a much deeper level.

That's it peeps. That's me in a crazy nut shell. Now that my life is getting back to normal and I've got my life back I hope to be able to start squeezing out some more posts. Don't hold your breath, but there is hope.


1. Get Lucky - Daft Punk
2. Ho Hey - The Lumineers
3. Mirrors - Justin Timberlake
4. Just Give Me A Reason - Pink
5. Home  - Phillip Phillips
6. Skyfall - Adele
7. How Am I Supposed to Be - The Watson Twins
8. Free Fallin' (Live) - John Mayer
9. Young Blood - The Naked and Famous
10: Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight - Amos Lee

Bonus: She Will Be Loved (Acoustic) - Maroon 5

I carry my cell phone in my bra. Mostly because I kept losing it and it was easier to find if it was stuffed inside my bra. I could hear it ringing (or feel it vibrating) and "toilet incidents" decreased by over 100% when I started using my bra as my phone purse.

You KNOW I'm not the only chica that does this, too. Hell, they even sell bras with little pockets on the side of them so you have an even better, safer place to store your phone. 

If it weren't so weird, I'd get me one of those.

Anyway, I work from home except for two days of the month when I drag myself into the office to work and attend various meetings. We have a fantastic little Deli at the office that I frequent WAY more than I should and I have developed a fun relationship with the employees there.

Me: {pulling my cellphone out of my bra purse}

Deli Dude: Nice Boob purse you got there.

Me: Uhhh, Thanks?

Deli Dude: No. Seriously.

Me: Well, you know you're just jealous cause you don't have one. 

Deli Dude: Wanna know why girls are better than boys?

Me: Sure.

Deli Dude: {very serious now, holding up his fingers to count off the reasons} Boobs, Purses, Heels

Me: Ain't that the truth!