I haven't been blogging. Have you noticed? Yeah. I didn't think so. I'll show you anyway what I have been busy doing. Then maybe we can still be friends. And you'll come back and visit me. And comment. Because my Google Analytics tells me that you totally ignore me when I don't post (or comment).

Whatever.















There is also a video somewhere on my computer. Or the old one. I can't find it now. My old computer was getting ready to self destruct... I told Jefe if he wanted to buy a Harley, then I wanted a new computer and a new laptop. I had a new computer within the week. Jefe got the Harley on Saturday.

What I want to know is, Where is my new laptop, Jefe? (I'll post photos of the Harley when it stops raining... )

We have some pretty fun neighbors. We hang out on a regular basis. We blow stuff up, loose stuff in creeks, play Rock Band into the wee hours of the morning, and hot tub in snow storms. Frankly, I think we annoy some of the other neighbors.

Good times.

These neighbors of ours have started something of a practical joke war.

It all started with them placing tacky tacky TACKY ugly pictures, from the Good Will, all over our yard.

While we were on vacation.


They may have been making fun of us and our expensive mistake and falling victim to "The Israeli Art Student Scam". Or not. (we did get our money back thankyouverymuch Jefe's expensive brain). What you can't see from the photos are all of the ugly works of "art" hanging in our trees. They were plentiful. Apparently our house was quite the side show, as people slowly drove by... wondering what on earth were we doing?

But we got them back.

With 12 rolls of wrapping paper. It was fun. I took photos, and Jefe and Thing 1 wrapped like mad dogs. At midnight. I woke up the next morning to flashes of light from their camera, documenting our crime. We laughed manically, in our warm house, as we watched them clean up. All 12 jumbo rolls of paper.

It was short lived.

We found a version of this written on our glass shower door... in anti-fog. I was TOTALLY embarrassed because my bathroom looked like a gas station bathroom. It needed some serious cleaning.

Up until this point, we had an unwritten rule about "no going in the house" or "bribing each other's children to help". Now all bets - and rules- were off.

So we took that tacky yard "art" and snuck into their house when they went to a football game. We took a package of hot dogs with us to use to bribe their big husky dog-- which whimpered at us the whole time we were there-- and hung all that "art" on the walls in their house.

I think it actually took them a while to notice all the clever places we had hung stuff, because some of it is still hanging. Right now. As I type.
(insert evil laugh)

No.

It doesn't stop there. Our street was under construction recently, and we heard them--our nutty neighbors-- outside giggling, as they put all the flasher barricades in our driveway.

Which we promptly moved to their front porch.

Wait. There's more.



Have you seen all those tacky "single.org" signs? Yeah. We did too. We put them all over their yard. This is just one side of their yard. I think the best part of the whole thing was watching all the people drive by, then back up slowly, stop and read and then drive slowly away, shaking their head--as if they didn't get it. Which they didn't. I just sat on my porch, watching and laughing.


It's their turn to get us. Nutty neighbor says he has had it planned for months. Yeah, right. I say, bring it on baby! Because my next one is SO good. SO GOOD. Nothing will top it.

Unless he really does get that crane to put Jefe's Jeep on top of the house... Then, I can't wait to post photos of it!

Stay tuned!

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. - Jack Handy SNL Deep Thoughts


I live in the same town now that I did when I was growing up. On some levels, I find it really weird. Sometimes, it creeps me out. And then, sometimes I actually love it. I find myself getting defensive when people who have been away for a long time start bagging on my small town. It's one thing when I do it. It's an entire new thing when someone else does it.

I am still in contact with some of my best friends from high school. Not many. But some. One of my dearest friends Dad died this week. I actually live down the street from them now. It was not a surprise as he has been extremely ill for several years.

My friend kept hugging me, telling me it was a blessing, and didn't it feel like a party? It did. People were laughing, and hugging and sharing wonderful memories. Her Dad would have liked the party that was held in his honor; it was a celebration of life.

And yet.

It was still hard to see my dear friend approaching an event that none of us are immune from. At some point in time, we all will travel the road of grief from the passing of a loved one. Not one of us is exempt... unless we have a heart of stone.

It has left me reflective on the lives of my parents. The lives of my sisters. The life of my spouse and children. And, of course, my life. What is it that I will be remembered for, when I die? Will you think I'm weird if I tell you that I have actually started writing my own obituary? Yes. Then I totally haven't.

When my father-in-law died, my husband and his siblings were so distraught that they left the obituary writing to the funeral home. It wasn't a very good obituary. Which was sad, because my father-in-law was a published author; A word smith. There are important things that I would want people to know about me. So, I have not started to write my obituary.

I was pretty emphatic with my children this week that when I die I want a closed casket viewing and then a party. A loud, rowdy party. A rip-roaring-play-the-music-too-loud-laugh-so-hard-you-cry-kind of a party.
No crying.
OK. They can cry but only {thismuch}.
I want them to celebrate and be happy.

*****

I have had a migraine for 4 days. Four very long days. Last night it got so bad that I actually took 2 pain pills and slipped into oblivion at 5:30pm. I didn't emerge from the Loratab fog until this morning... when the jack-hammer-using-squatter in my brain started up again. Ugh. I just can't seem to shake it.

For years, I have called Chiropractors Witch Doctors... but I am seriously considering a visit to one. Something's got to happen to get rid of this pesky squatter that I refer to hatefully lovingly as Bob. You know, Bob the-Freaking-Builder? Yeah. Hate him.

*****

School is out in 5 days.

Then what am I supposed to do with these kids?

(I have actually been planning some fun weekly field trips for the summer. I'll show you later. When my brain doesn't hurt.)

*****

Just in case you were wondering: An entire package of bum wipes, a roll of toilet paper-- still on the card board roll-- and a shirt --yes SHIRT-- will indeed flood the toilet. Do not try this at home. Moxie already did, and it's disastrous.
Just sayin'.

*****

It's the father-'n-sons camp out this weekend. You know what that means? Laying around all night. Watching the movies that Jefe won't watch with me. Eating take-out-- in my bedroom. Yeah.
Good times.

Have a great weekend.


1. The Bully - Sia
2. Let Them Be Little - Billy Dean
3. Ants Marching - Dave Matthews Band
4. Truth - Amos Lee
5. Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe - Barry White *this song makes me DANCE!*
6. It Won't Be Like This For Long - Darius Rucker
7. Shelter - Ray LaMontagne
8. Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight - Amos Lee
9. These Girls - Rachael Yamagata
10. Watershed - Indigo Girls

Bonus: Beautiful - G. Love & Special Sauce

This is going to sound so crazy, but I really really REALLY love my blog.

I know. Not only crazy, but narcissistic. I can't help it. But, I do. I love my blog. It's like my other home. I like to go there, and look around and listen to the music. To hang out and just be.
Isn't that weird?

And yet.

I wish that people who knew me in real life didn't know I had a blog. Because sometimes there are things that I want to complain about or make fun of, and I can't. Because it will most certainly get back to the person I am complaining about. Or making fun of. It always does.

That makes my blog less fun for me. I want to be able to moan and groan and complain and make fun of people... But sometimes I can't. Because that's not P.C.

It sort of blows. Big time.

Just sayin'.

The batteries for my MP3 player died 90 seconds into my walk this morning. I actually contemplated turning around and going home. I mean, walking without music? What on earth was I supposed to do?

I didn't turn around. I looked up and listened.

Usually when I am walking and listening to my tunes, my eyes are cast down... watching the road so I don't trip and break my leg. I am consumed with my music and oblivious to the world around me. This morning? I had nothing to occupy my brain except my thoughts.

I was astounded with how noisy it is at 6:30 in the morning. Usually all I hear are my various imaginary boyfriends singing to me... this morning I heard so many other things.

The crunch crunch crunch of my shoes on the gravel, and the jingling of bells from the necks of goats in the nearby pasture. The swishing of the horses tails, and their snorting at me as I passed by. There was the occasional whirring of the passing biker or the pounding feet of the jogger "passing on your right".


Crunch crunch crunch of my shoes as I heard the ba-donk ba-donk ba-donk of the cars on the interstate veering to far to the right and the whistle of the commuter train as it whizzed past. There was the mooing of a cow waking up, and the distant hum of an airplane overhead.

Crunch crunch crunch of my shoes as the roosters started to crow and the buzzing of a chainsaw sounded. I heard the Spanish being spoken by the construction workers and dogs barking. I heard the sprinklers giving the earth a drink and the rushing water in the creek.
The birds. My how loud they are! They sing such beautiful songs, this early in the morning...

I saw the farmer changing his water, and throwing a stick for his dog to chase. I saw you leaving for work this morning, and starting your car. I saw you stumbling out to get your paper, all bleary eyed and still asleep. I saw you looking out your window at me, watching me huff & puff by, drinking your morning drink. I saw the sun starting to peek its golden rays over the mountains.

I found myself caught up in my thoughts. For those 3o minutes of my shoes crunching on the gravel, I could hear whatever I chose to hear and see whatever I chose to see. For those 3o minutes I could be that famous singer that I fantasied about when I listened to my MP3 player. I could be that amazing writer that everyone talks about or THAT kind of mother that has endless adventures with her children and spouse and is always a joy to be around. For those 3o minutes of crunch time, my mind could trick me into seeing, hearing or believing anything.

As those last rays of sun started to shine over the mountains, and I could see the end of my journey in sight... What did I choose?

I choose to believe in me. And be happy.

"When Gary told me he had found Jesus I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But, it turned out to be something different." - Jack Handy, SNL


Church with Moxie has become an athletic event for me. She races up and down the hall as fast as she possibly can. Last week, I spent all of Sacrament Meeting out in the hall seriously wondering why I was even there. Then I had an epiphany.

I was there because the furniture in the lobby needed re-arranging. And so I did. Re-arrange the furniture, that is.

I tried to do it quickly, so that no one would notice my crazy lady, Estelle, that had just reared her ugly beautiful head. But, Estelle, she's crazy like that, and just couldn't take it any longer.

The sofa was on one side of the lobby, not centered under the gigantic portrait of the Savior. There was a side table and chair on the other wall, not lined up under the other portraits in the building. Estelle was going wacko. I had to do something to calm her shut her up.

You see, Estelle? Yeah. She totally makes me do stupid stuff. Really. It's all Estelle's fault that I re-arranged the furniture in the lobby of the church. During the Sacrament.


*****

I have a confession. Shocker, huh? I think most of the Fan pages on Facebook are stupid. I mean really, who isn't a fan of breathing? If you're not, then you're dead. You're a fan of being alive? Really? Well, I would certainly hope so.

Being a fan of sleeping is like broadcasting to the world "not only do I like to sleep, a lot, but I'm dang proud of it. Just call Mrs. Lazy bones. For short."

Who needs a fan page for eating? Really. You can tell I like to eat. Look at my shelf butt. But, do I want to broadcast that to the world? Umm. No. I mean, I already am, every time I walk through the Wal-martS-- which is what my FIL calls it. The Wal-martS.

Which leads rather nicely into my next weird random thought-- why oh why does my FIL say The Wal-martS? Are there two walmarts side by side? That way if one walmart is out of something, you can just mosey on over to the next walmart? I don't get it. The Wal-martS. That's just... well. Sort of hick-ish.

*****

I joke ALL THE TIME about my super sized Jedi Mind Power Skillz. I have some mad dog mind power skillz. Can you imagine my total glee when I saw this toy?

I'm totally getting it. And when I conquer the fooze-ball, I will then be able to conquer the world.

Muwah-hahahahahahaha!


*****

Walking at the butt-crack of dawn has its perks. One would think that perk would be that you could roll out of bed and just go walking, and not run into the entire neighborhood. Oh how wrong you would be if you thought that! In my neighborhood, everyone AND their dog is out walking at the butt-crack of dawn. Its a veritable neighborhood party out there. All we're missing is the grill and some naughty kids.

The other thing that is great about walking that early in the morning, besides that party, is that you can see whose sprinklers work, and whose don't. I feel rather evil when I walk by and see their sprinklers shooting an old faithful geyser into the air, or watering the same spot so as to create Lake Michigan in their front yard. I found myself actually giving an evil laugh. Isn't that awful? Especially when later, I see them out picking the mushrooms growing in their grass, shaking their head, wondering why oh why is this happening to me??

I laugh. Because I know.
And so would they. If they were up at the butt-crack of dawn.

*****

Every summer, and not by choice, I find a theme song. A song that just resonates with me and is our anthem for the summer. The first summer we had our pool, it was THIS song. We had XM radio, and would blast it out our windows while we lounged in the pool. I loved the song so much, that I went and bought all his albums (all 2 of them... it was 2001) I can't hear this song without smelling sunscreen.

Last summer it was this song. My kids actually know every single lyric to this song AND what songs he sampled to write this song (do you?) It came on the radio yesterday and Thing 3 sighed a heavy sigh and said: "It's our summer song Mom. I love this song!" Then, she proceeded to sing the song in its entirety... word perfect.

I am the best mother ever.

I have yet to find my summer anthem song yet. I'm starting to get a little worried. Will this be the summer of no anthem?


*****

It's a party weekend! Are you grilling? Tossing some flowers on some graves? Whatcha doin' this weekend?

I'm planning the event 'o summer! Our school gets out in a week, so my neighbor and I are planning a huge party for the kids. We have a huge sign we are putting up across the street for the kids to run through when they get home, a banner across the fence announcing party central, LOUD music, a blowup water slide, relay games and 600-- yes 600-- otter pops for consumption!

Don't you wish you lived on my street?

Yeah. I thought so.



1. Seattle - Public Image ltd
2. Hand In Glove - The Smiths
3. Why Georgia - John Mayer
4. All Summer Long - Kid Rock
5. Soul Meets Body - Death Cab for Cutie
6. To Be Alone With You - Sufjan Stevens
7. Hysteria - Def Leppard
8. Wonderwall - Ryan Adams
9. Waiting On The World To Change - John Mayer
10. You Get What You Give - New Radicals *summer of 2000!*

Bonus: Walking On The Sun - Smashing Pumpkins *summer of 1998!*

Ever since I posted about my secret, one-sided love affair with Bono, I have been listening to him non-stop. I watched all of the video's that youtube had to offer. Clearly, I need to get a life. But, I just can't seem to help myself.

Must. Watch. More. Bono.

Really, I just want to watch more U2. I love them all. If it weren't for the huge ICK factor, I would marry them all. We could be a happy little U2 family. All 5 of us... Bono, The Edge, Larry , Adam and me. One big happy, whacked out family.





When I ran across these two videos, I fell even more in love with this band. I've been a crazy, whack-a-doo fan since I first heard them-- in the early 80's. I remember watching Sunday Bloody Sunday on MTV. When I wasn't supposed to watch MTV. I was supposed to be in bed. But, I would sneak out and watch the British videos that came on late at night. I was in love then... and the sickness has just gotten worse over these last 20 some odd years.

I have watched these two videos over and over. They really are awesome if you watch them back to back. Thing 3 and I have sat here for 30 minutes or more... watching them and giggling like little school girls.

I have decided that if that girl in the first video were me-- Good-freaking-grief!-- I would pee my pants! Then, after the concert was over I would need to immediately get hit by a bus.

Why?

Because then I would die having lived out my life long dream of being snugged by Bono... Kissed by Bono... and Slow dancing with Bono.

Sweet Mother of Martha!

Sometimes, music brings me to tears. It has only happened a handful of times. But, when it has, it has been memorable and powerful.

The first time I remember it happening was when I heard Bono sing Live, during his sound check at the UofU concert in 1996. I was sitting at the stoplight at Guardsman's Way, and he started an acoustic "With or Without You". I promptly burst into tears.

Jefe looked at me like I was on drugs and rolled his eyes. He may have muttered something about how this was going to be the longest night of his life.

Whatever.

It was a dream come true for me. (I still get a little emotional when I hear Bono live... and I still want to marry him.)

Another time was when I heard Pat Metheny play for the first time. He is a little scary looking-- but man oh man can that dude make the guitar sing. When I heard Pat strike his first chord... I was in tears. I have no idea why, other than it absolutely moved me beyond words.

The last time it happened was when I heard Sherrie play her stuff-- Live. There is something to be said for the Live venue. Sherrie's concert reserected emotion in me that I haven't felt in a long time... and I cried. I did. It was embarrassing.

Guys. She's good. She is really really good. I don't say that lightly. She was outstanding. Hearing her on her CD is one thing... but hearing her live? It was just plain moving.

I could feel the emotion that she was feeling as she played her music. It translates, and it translates well. That is a hard thing for a musician to do-- translate the emotion behind the song to your audience-- but Sherrie does it flawlessly. Her music is simply inspiring and relaxing. If you haven't entered her giveaway, you should. Then you should go buy one of her CD's... just in case.

I think that my favorite songs that she played were a Jazz one with her brother, My Man's Gone Now; Heart strings; Angels Running; Did You Think to Pray (with a little Bach's Cello suite#1 added in for good measure) and Solitude. My word! I kid you not... The number, Did you Think to Pray was a brilliant piece of arranging!

Anyway.

Go buy her CD, then go enter the giveaway (it ends tomorrow at midnight). Then sit back and prepare to be wowed like you have never been wowed before.

MMB is having a motherload of a giveaway this week. One of the many, amazing things being given away is this sweet pedicure kit from Cultures Salon. You will be seriously missing out on some incredible stuff, you do not stop right now and go enter the Motherload of Giveaways.

I have to give a little plug here, and tell you that if you don't fight tooth and nail for this Pedicure kit-- then you are Ka-Razy! I have tried their pedi kits in the past, and I thought I had died and gone to heaven! My feet were thanking me for days and days afterwards. I have one last pedicure left from that kit... and I'm saving it for when my kids have driven past the brink of insanity. Oh wait. That was yesterday. I better get on it!

Now, you know me, and you should know by now that I will only rant about stuff that I really, REALLY love-- and I really loved Cultures Salon's Pedi kit! Mine was fried ice cream... I can only imagine how amazing that Lemonade kit will be!

You know what would make the Pedi Kit you are going to cat fight for even better? This awesome relaxing CD from Sherrie Shepherd. I kid you not when I tell you that you will enter the zone. You know, THE ZONE, baby. You'll have your feet soaking and your brain relaxing to the sweet tones of Sherrie's magical mojo playing fingers. You won't want to come back to reality!

I have this CD and I love it! My kids love it, and it actually has caused them to practice more! I kid you not! That reason, alone should cause you to promptly enter this giveaway and then go purchase the CD. Just in case you win that awesome Pedicure kit instead! Sherrie's CD is incredibly relaxing... and that is saying something! Sherrie really does work magic with her fingers!

Did you know that Sherrie is having a release party tomorrow? She is! You can go, with your family or a hot date and get a preview of what you will be fighting for so you can relax and find your mojo again.

Why are you still here, reading this?
Git!
Shoo!
Go enter that amazing Motherload giveaway over on my other site, the MMB.
Go on now, Git!

When I was in my twenty's, I worked for a travel agency. I was in charge of inputting all the data into the computer for the various group packages that we were selling. I saw some pretty bizarre names come across my desk, and I started keeping track of names.

Actually, that little hobby started in High school when my friend, whose last name was Butt, told me that he was going to name his kids Harry, BigO, and Itchy. That cracked me up hysterically. I laughed so hard that my choir teacher yelled at me. Although, now that I think about it, she always yelled at me.

Anyway, I digress.

I started keeping track of weird names, and it has become sort of a little hobby.

Here are a few from my collection from High school, my days as an amusement park manager and travel agent days:

Skip Clap
Bunny Hopper
Pete Moss
John Johnson
Rosie Bush
Trish Fish
Madam X (some crack pot would not sign her name to her season pass for the amusement park. She would only sign X. So we called her Madam X)
Mo Rocca (who I actually think is hilarious!)
Zarubabel (for reals. He went to my high school)
Moxie Crimefighter Jillette (which is where my Moxie got her name)

We really do call Moxie - Moxie around here in Crazyland, although that is not the name on her birth certificate. Thing 2 calls me Motherboard around the house. When he gets home from school in the afternoon, he calls out "Where's motherboard?"

Cracks me up every time.

I have, on numerous occasions, had people beg me to tell them my real name. I am always shocked, because don't they know that Motherboard is what appears on my drivers license? It does. I had my name legally changed to that. And Jefe had his changed to El Jefe, the damn Paterfamilias. For reals. OK not really. Maybe.

Erin has been sending me names lately, trying to guess my name. I find her choices rather funny. She was positive, after I posted a photo of myself, that my name was either Judy or Judith. Which had me in hysterics. My MIL name is Judith, and interestingly enough, when Jefe and I got married we got a Hymnbook with our names engraved on it. Only they engraved Jefe's name and Judith, his mothers name.

niiice.

I think my favorite choices that Erin has emailed me are Kate, Juliet, Penny, Claire or Sun. I laughed right out loud when I read those and promptly emailed her back and said: "No. I am not on LOST. Or Asian."

SO.

I thought it would be fun to see what everyone else thinks my name is... or should be.

Here are the rules: If you already know my name, then you can't guess. Because that would ruin the fun. However, feel free to taunt because you are in the circle of trust. And they're not.

{insert evil laugh}

Let the guessing begin.

(Just because I do want to keep my secret identity a secret, I will have comment moderation on, but if you guess right, I'll let you know!)

“My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth - that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally - but I didn't want to upset him.” - Jack Handy

Did you watch Greys Anatomy last night? YOWZA'S! I can not believe that ending! Good Grief! It was right up there with the LOST finale!

*****

Yesterday, I looked out my window and what did I see? (you're welcome. you will now be singing that all the live long day!) Jefe and his pal riding down the street on a child's motorcycle. They looked a little like this, complete with the teeth chattering... just like in the movie. When I finally caught on to what they were doing, they decided to call it quits. You will have to trust me when I tell you that it was one of the funnier things I have seen all week long!

*****

Once, I was on an important phone call with my Stake President. I was the Stake Primary President, and we were discussing some very serious problems. While we were discussing the important issues, I was watching a squirrel out my front window.

What you need to know is that in Illinois, Squirrels are as common as house flies are in Utah. They are every where. We had one that lived in our big maple tree, and my kids called him "Squirrely". Quite original, eh?

Anyway. It was fall, and this squirrel was ransacking my neighbors garden. It was running back and forth grabbing, digging, and burying. I was able to concentrate quite easily until this squirrel decided to try and bury an entire corn cob. That was bigger that it was.

I watched, with great interest, this squirrel push and pull this giant corn cob. I blurted out "Holy Cow! Look at that squirrel! That corn cob is bigger than it!"

Crickets Chirping.

My Stake President burst out laughing and said "Sister Motherboard. I can't see that squirrel. But I'll take your word for it!" And then he laughed and snorted at me. It's just a dang good thing he had a sense of humor.

*****

I hate to go shopping. Any kind. (gasp!) I know. Should I hand over my chick card now or after I admit the fact that I really don't like Jane Austen? Or any other of those gaggy books.

You want it now? Bummer.

I had someone once leave me a comment, after I admitted the fact that I really didn't like those books, that I had to hand over my chick card and get a dude card.

Sigh.

Sadly, they are right.

I hate shopping. (no chick card for you) I hate Jane Austen (no chick card for you) I hate love stories (no chick card for you) and Chick flicks make me gag (no chick card for you).
Yeah. I guess I do need a dude card.

*****

Pretty much on a weekly basis, I hear from Thing 1 about how much she hates science. "Its dumb, Mom. It's boring, Mom. I hate science Mom." If that is the case, then will someone please explain to me how, for the love of all things holy, did she score above a 300 on the end of level testing? She is in the 99% percentile in the nation. NATION people. Only 1% of the nation is smarter than her. Good freakin' grief.

She and her friend designed a new roller coaster for her science class. They got picked to represent the school at the local amusement park tomorrow. She named hers after some scary shark species. Apparently, its quite cool. She LOVED doing this, and was even thinking about it as a career. She was, that is, until I pointed out that it was science.

Bad Mommy.

*****

Do you ever look through your spam email? Oh my stars. I get the most ridiculous spam email around. At Christmas time, I kept getting Spam from Santa Claus. Yes that Santa Claus. For the love! He wanted me to send him my kids names and $29.99 and he would write a letter to them. Ummm. Yeah. Wuh?

What kind of dumb spam do you get?

*****

There are some GREAT movies coming out this weekend! I'm thinking I'm going to be attending a couple. Sans Children!

What are you doing?

Send me some new artists to listen to. I have Pandora, but it bores me. Who are your favorite artists or songs?





1. Vultures - John Mayer
2. Capri - Colbie Caillat
3. One - U2
4. Sleeping To Dream (Live) - Jason Mraz
5. Besame Mucho - Chris Isaak
6. Over My Head - The Fray
7. Careless - Amos Lee
8. Let It Die - Foo Fighters
9. What Do Ya Think About That - Montgomery Gentry
10. Southern Girl - Amos Lee

Bonus: Yellow - Coldplay

Me: What did he say? Crap. Rewind.

Me: What was that? Holy Crap. Rewind.

Me: Why is he always there? What does that mean? Was that him?

Me: What just happened? Crap. Freakin' Rewind!

Me: Are ya kidding me? What was that? Rewind!

Me: No! Freakin'! Way! What just happened?? Crap on a stick. Rewind.

Me: What? What the crap? What just happened? Rewind!

Me: Huh? Wha? I don't... Crap. Rewind.

Me: Wuh? Wuh the wuh-wuh? I can't stand this! I have more questions now than I did when the stupid show started.

Crap. Crap on a stick. Crap. I just don't get it. (I do, however, know what language Richard was speaking and what he said...)

{insert evil laugh}

Muwah-hahahahaha!

You know, typically I don't advertise other people's giveaways. Usually just mine --which I have one right now on the MMB. You should go enter.

However, I want to win this particular giveaway so bad, that I actually did all 7 of the crazy things she is asking. They aren't really crazy, that just sounded better.

Frankly, if she asked me to stand on my head, bock like a chicken and sing We Are The World, I would do it. My head may explode, but I would totally do it.

You would too for a Laptop and a sweet Red carrying case. I am not kidding. You can go enter to win, but I am using my Mad Jedi Mind Power Skills to win this puppy.

Dear Crappy Teenage Driver:

Yeah, you. I know who you are. You think I didn't see you driving mock 90 down my rural residential street. But I did, and I do. Every single freaking time. I have been nice. I have waved you down. I have yelled to slow down, and I have even gone so far as to call your Mother and tell her to reign you in. Which apparently has done nothing to curb your lead foot.

Trust me, Crappy Teenage Driver, I get how exhilarating it is to drive a deadly weapon. I get it. I remember what it was like to be young and fearless and to drive fast and furious. However, now that I'm old and grumpy? It's not OK for you to do it on my street. That dead ends.

Saturday night, CTD, when you drove 65mph down my street and fishtailed at the corner, that was the last straw. I honked my horn to get you to slow down, and that international gesture of brotherhood you tossed me was what threw me over the edge. Yeah. I totally followed you. I may have even exceeded the speed limit.

Yeah. I was pissed. I followed you up into town, all the while talking with the police on my phone. See, here's the deal: My kids play on this street. They ride their bikes, they run back and forth between their friends home and ours... We are teaching them to look both ways, but sometimes they forget. When people drive the speed limit, it gives them time to react to little kids that are still learning. But you? Your egotisical, narcississtic speeding gives no thought to anyone but your thrill-seeking self.

Here's the deal, CTD. I know where you live, and now so do the police. Yeah. I called them. Twice. And believe you me, from now on every time you drive down my street like that, I will call them. I would rather be known as the grumpy lady that lives on Crazy street than the one whose child was run over by a lunatic.

Get used to it, because if you don't change your driving ways, I will press charges. Every. Single. Time. Consider this your fair warning.


Thanks,
~motherboard

So.

I ah... sort of.... kind of... in a round about way... may have.... {ahem}... joined abiggestlosercompetition.

Shut up.

This is the most that I have ever weighed in my entire life. Ever. Including when I was pregnant. I'm pushing maximum density here and its not pleasant. I have a shelf butt and that's not pretty. I have arm fat that waves when I wave. I could wave at two different people with my arm fat and hand, with my diet coke sitting on my shelf butt. That's gross.

I decided it was time to pull myself together. Get off dead center and get back in shape. I joke a lot about not being able to run to the mailbox, but sadly, it's true. I hate to run. Despise it. Loathe it.

But, I loathe my shelf butt and pregnant looking belly more.

My friend is holding a biggest loser competition, and I crashed her party. I'm good at party crashing. I weaseled my way into her little dealio and by dang, I'm going to try my best to lose some weight.

Even if it kills me.

Which it might.

Watch the Obit's for the purple 2 dimensional picture, and please come to my funeral and weep and wail.

Or not. I don't care. Not really. Maybe just a little.

Wish me luck. I have until August 10th.

I went to a funeral this weekend. It was rather uneventful. At first, when the death was announced, I did not know what to do... I cried buckets... there may have actually been some wailing and gnashing of teeth. If you heard loud banging noises, it was me. Banging my head against the wall. Who died? Oh. Well. No one of real importance. Just my FREAKING COMPUTER. Nothing important, like my life line to the outside world or anything. (said dripping with extreme sarcasm)

In order to check my email, just CHECK IT and not write it, would take no less than 30 minutes. Then if I wanted to write an email... well. There was a certain dance I had to perform and the dance got even more complicated when I would decide to blog something. Lets face it. I'm out of shape, so dancing all damn day long is not something I want to do. No matter how awesome the music is.

I swear that Satan himself had possessed my computer. He was sitting in there, inside the monitor, running a muck with my life... laughing and taunting me. Jefe was completely uninterested in the whole computer issues until he had to work on it...

Then, I had a computer by Friday. Funny how that works, huh?

Actually, it was my Mothers Day present. Dang good Mother's Day present, wouldn't you say? To be back in the land of the living is wonderful. I can actually write a blog post and not have to stand on one foot, with the other one raise above my head, while shaking my bon-bon and flapping my left upper arm fat like a bird. Sometimes I had to throw the hokey-poky in to boot. I'm sure it was rather entertaining to watch, but add trying to write something on top of all that and its just plain ridiculous. Too many hoops. Thus my absence from blog land.

*****

This weekend, after Jefe got my new computer up and running, I checked all my emails. HOLY FREAKING EMAIL, Batman. I had more email than I could ever hope to answer. But, the best email of all? One from Marvin Goldstein. Yes. That Marvin Goldstein. The Marvin Goldstein that has major record deals and has been performing for 50 years, and is hugely FAMOUS? Yeah. That one.

He had an article for the MMB he wanted us to run and 2 concert tickets for one of my lucky readers. I nearly peed my pants. I called all my family members to tell them, and they were unenthusiastic (all except ima10cow). (pretend your excited, won't you?? Please?) You should go enter to win those suckers. It is going to be a huge concert event-- with major recording artists and movie stars. (Kenneth Cope, Kirby Heyborne... Hubba Hubba. He's hot!)

I'm sort of freaking out over the whole thing, because what if no one enters the contest to win concert tickets?? Oh for Pete's Sake. Don't make me beg. Please go enter. Even if you live in China (which someone who reads my blog does...) I don't want to look like a big giant dummy.

I love to cuddle Moxie and hold her while she sleeps. But sleeping with her? Eh. Not so much.
Why? Well. Let me count the ways that sleeping with Moxie sort of... sucks.

1. Getting kicked in the kidneys.

2. The Bed being turned into a trampoline. At 3am.

3. Waking up to a wet back because the bottle leaked.

4. Being kicked in the mouth.

5. Having my eyelids pried open.

6. Being poked in the eye.

7. Getting kicked in the boob.

8. Escaping baby running down the hall yelling. At 3am.

9. Waking up to your hair being pulled.

10. Hugging the edge of the bed because the 1year old is a bed hog.

Here are some more of my favorite quotes from the Friday session of Women's Conference. Some of you have asked for the source's of the quotes. I have added that as well.


1. Every Mother should produce superior daughters. - Julie Beck

2. All hand's on Deck! with regards to the family. - Julie Beck

3. The doctrine of the church is an "us" doctrine. The doctrine of the world is a "me" doctrine. -Julie Beck

4. When the family fails, society fails. - Julie Beck

5. Keep our focus on the doctrine of Eternal Life. It will change decisions, talk and lives. We have the challenge to believe it, live it deeply and intently. Live with intention. -Julie Beck

6. Mother's create with God Children. Creating is our destiny. "What will you be known for?" -Julie Beck

7. FIGHT! FIGHT! Fight for your family, Sisters! (when she said this, the audience erupted into spontaneous applause! It was really cool!) -Julie Beck

8. When temptations come-- you want the first thing that enters your child's mind to be "Remember the love of your Mother" -Julie Beck

8. When you take care of your spouse (cooking, cleaning) it shows that you love your spouse. The world does not teach this doctrine, but the gospel does. - Julie Beck

9. The Family is a faith based work. You have to have faith in who you are and from where you came. - Julie Beck

10. Love them! Love them! Love them! - Julie Beck

11. The women of the church will be the light and force for good in the world! - Julie Beck

12. Do not find fault with yourself because of the failures of others. - Elder Samuelson

13. Children should know that you are continually praying for them. Don't wait until they have issues to start praying continually. - Elder Samuelson

14. During Alma's painful repentance process, he remembers the testimony of his Father. Share your testimony often. - Elder Samuelson

15. Never underestimate the power of your influence on your children. - Elder Samuelson

16. In times of trial, the children call upon the things that their mothers know. - Elder Samuelson

17. Parent's who do their very best to teach their children are rarely judged for their children's mistakes. Elder Samuelson

18. When you climb a ladder, you have to start at the bottom-- so it is with the principals of the gospel. - David Christensen

19. Doubt & Faith cannot exist at the same time in the same person. - David Christensen

20. Be as perfect as you can - for that is all you can do. - BrighamYoung

21. Just because you do the right thing does not mean that you will be perfect. - David Christensen

22. You have enough faith to do whatever it is you need to do to bring you happiness. - David Christensen

23. Faith is not a feeling, but a decision. - Alena Taylor

24. When times of trial come, you may feel fear. But, fear is of the adversary! - Alena Taylor

25. You have to choose to believe and you have to choose to have faith. - Alena Taylor

26. To build our faith, we will be tried tested and afflicted. The scars are there to remind us of the miracles of faith. - Alena Taylor

27. I can do hard things. - Sharon Mardesich

28. The world teaches you that you should be angry and hold a grudge - but the Lord teaches us to do the opposite. - Sharon Mardesich

29. Ours is ministry of healing to bind the wounds of those that are suffering. - Gordon B. Hinckley

30. We can be an instrument in the hands of the Lord by freely forgiving and encouraging others to freely forgive. - Sharon Mardesich

31. Forgiveness is directing the energy we spent being angry to a more healthy and productive path. - Sharon Mardesich

32. No one will escape the obligation of using the power of forgiveness. - Sharon Mardesich

33. You feel your heart with the love of the Lord and that helps your heart forgive. - Sharon Mardesich

34. We have a major responsibility to carry the message of the Lord across the world. - L. Tom Perry

35. Put your Faith into action! - L.Tom Perry

36. Go where the Lord wants you to go. Do what the Lord wants you to do. BECOME what the Lord wants you to BECOME! - L. Tom Perry

37. When you are willing to listen and learn, some of life's most meaningful teachings come from those who have gone before you. - Sondra Heaston

38. Weaknesses are given to cause you to be humble! - The Karpowitz

Here are my favorite quotes from Thursday's Women's Conference. In no particular order.

1. Your future is as bright as your faith.

2. Do you realize the difference you are making by simply waking up today?

3. Learn to disagree but not be disagreeable.

4. Need to start asking myself not "why me" but "why not me".

5. Focusing on the Savior helps you change what and how you see.

6. No one is "living the dream". We weren't promised the dream -- only the experience.

7. You can not start in the middle of a trial to start preparing for the trial.

8. God is not the source of our stress - but the source of our peace.

9. Choose Faith in the Lord to sustain you.

10. Find your spiritual Home Storage and use it.

11. In this life not all dreams come true.

12. Cristo Vive -- come what may.

13. "Ye who are weary come home. . ." to Christ.

14. The Saviors favorite word is "come" No request of the Lord is too extreme.

15. Rekindle our hope for tomorrow.

16. Daily companionship with the Savior does not mean you will have no trials.

17. Nothing is so difficult or big that the Lord cannot fix it when we have faith in the Lord.

18. How much Faith did Noah have to have to build a boat when there was no water?

19. How you respond to your trials will determine the increase of your Faith.

20. Christ bought us all for a price. By being baptised we aknowledge that we are the Saviors Servant.

21. It is not about how long, hard or at what we work, but what we learn and become. We are being taught WHY we serve.

22. The Savior knows our hearts -- he is telling us to move on.

23. If we put any conditions on our willingness to serve, we diminish our Faith.

24. With our new perspective, we learn to be content with our assignment in the Lords vineyard.

Apparently, everyone thinks I'm quite elusive, and mysterious. I laugh in the face of mysterious... bawh-hahahahaha!

If people knew me, they would know that Motherboard and mysterious in the same sentence is like using...Oh. I don't know. Maybe Motherboard and sewing. Oxymoron's.

I have a plethora of photos of me on this here blog. I hadn't posted any of me in a while, then someone commented that I was hiding my identity really well. Then it became sort of a game. How many photos can I take where I don't post mine? (not very many really. I'm not that talented.)

Don't believe me? Well. There was this post. Or how about my very first meet n greet? Or how about the time when the stupid celebrity look alike told me I looked like Gary Busey, Jeb Bush and Whoopie Goldberg? All rolled into one? I know! WTH??

My cousin must have felt sorry for me, because she did an entire post on her blog about which celebrity she thought I looked like. That was a great self esteem booster! Gracias Mo!

Then there was the time we had our best friends from Illinois here, and I insisted my photo be taken in a dopey hat. Jefe hates this hat. When ever I wear this hat, my neighbor yells out and asks me if I lost the ugly hat competition. Rude. Or how about the vacation photos?

Do you like all this linkage going on here in my blog? It's just another service I provide over here in Crazyland. Are you still wondering why? Why all the narcissistic linking? Well. Mostly to distract you from the new photos of all the cool people I met this weekend.

Did it work?




On Saturday, I headed up to Layton to the Training Table. Me loves me some cheese fries. First of all, I sort of made Sherrie go with me. After she ran 17 miles. In the pouring rain. Then, we got there a full hour early. Only, we didn't know we were early. So we waited. I paced. Moxie used the stairs as a stair master, and the tables as pull up bars. It was embarrassing. Then we found out we were early. So we took Moxie home. Then we came back... Late.




You know, these bloggy lunches are such a great thing! It takes being just some random stalker to actually being friends. Good friends. Friends that actually know a lot about you, and are there cheering for you when you succeed and crying with you when you fall.

I love it.

It's what makes blogging Real.

1. My kids decided to have a sleepover in the playroom on the couch. I'm such a freak, that I may have slept down on the couch in the living room. Just so the roving band of midgets wouldn't attack my kids. Sleeping. In the playroom. Or not.

2. I may have said to my sister, in the BYU Marriott Center, during Women's Conference, "I can guaran-DAMN-tee . . . " and heard loud gasps from all the Grandma's around me. And my sister punched me in the arm. Or not.

3. I may have stalked Annette Lyon prior to going up to her at her book signing, because I was a big scaredy-pant-boo-wah-baby. She is not mean or intimidating at all. In fact, she is quite hilarious. (She is. There is no not.)

4. I may have showed up to the blogger luncheon on Saturday a full hour early. And then thought everyone changed the date and time... just to leave me out and laugh manically at me. I may have also made Thing 1 get into my email and read every single one until she found where and when the luncheon was. She may have moaned rather loudly. I may have too. Or not.

5. I may have sat for so long this weekend at Women's Conference that I might have actually thrown my back out. I can hardly walk. Or sit. Or stand. Good times. Or maybe it's cause I have 35 lbs I need to loose. Either way, my back hurts. A lot. Or not.

6. I may have been called the "Evil hitler Mother" this weekend all because I tried to show my child how to round brush her newly cut short hair. Call me crazy, but doesn't the fact that my hair is short add to my credibility in this venue? Apparently not.

7. I may have let my children eat BYU mint brownies for breakfast. Two days in a row. I may have also ate them... for the last 3 days straight. Or not.

8. I may have watched Marley & Me last night with my kids. I may have turned the TV off no less than 4 different times and counted to 20. I also sobbed gut wrenching sobs at the end (SO DUMB) and made Jefe pinkie swear that when my dog is ready to die (which is going to be soon) he would be the one to take her to the vet. GUT WRENCHING SOBS, people. Gut wrenching. It was sort of a little embarrassing. Especially when the 6 year old came over and gave me a hug and said "It's OK Momma. It is a little sad." Or not.

9. I may have taken a two hour nap today. I did not wanted to get up and so I pretended I was still sleeping, and just laid there listening to my kids and Jefe playing. Or not.

10. I may have stood in the pouring rain to get a picture of my kids and Jefe sitting in the Jeep watching the rain storm. It was a beautiful sight to behold. (That's true)

11. I may have watched O Brother Where Art Thou? so many times that I actually have all the lines memorized. And I said them all. Right along with all the characters and laughed like the crazy lady I am. Or not.

12. I'm trying to figure out how to invent disposable clothes. I know I'm not the only one that would buy them. I would sell them for cheap. Or not.

13. I may have made my Christmas morning casserole for dinner tonight. It was good. It made me for half a second want snow and Christmas. Or not.

14. I may have laughed right out loud during Elder Perry's talk at Women's Conference when I heard him use the terms "you tube, facebook, blogs and widgets" in his talk. (Does he even know what a widget is?) Or not.

15. It's late and I'm having a hard time coming up with something else stupid that I have said or done. Which is totally weird, since I embarrass not only myself but my children and Jefe on a rather regular basis. Or not.