Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Using the words sewing and Motherboard together is pretty much a gigantic oxymoron! Seriously, its huge huge HUGE.. so huge its laughable.
I have a sewing machine... but do I know how to use the sewing machine?
Thing 1 has to turn it on and thread it for me. I know, just hold your snickers...
One time, my friend, MamaRn and I got a hair-brained idea that we would sew her some smocks for work. She is a NICU nurse in Chicago, and we decided that surely, SURELY! It would not be that difficult to sew those smocks. Besides, I had just gotten this new fan-dangled fancy sch-mancy sewing machine from Jefe for Christmas. So of course we should try and teach ourselves to sew. It makes perfect sense. Right?
Especially knowing that my Junior High sewing teacher, Mrs. Purdy, pretty much banned me from sewing in class and relegated me to grading papers. I think it may have had something to do with the sewing of the finger, cutting the material wrong and ending up with 4 pieces instead of 2 and then sewing that wrongly cut fabric around... YES AROUND the sewing machine.
All in one week.
I dunno. I could be wrong.
Everywhere we had been looking for new smocks had these terrible tacky ones. And, really. Have you seen some of the adorable fabric out there?? Super cute! We set out to buy the pattern, the fabric and everything one would need to sew some sweet smocks.
The lady at the fabric store assured us that sewing is easy! It just following instructions... like putting together a bike. (Yeah. That should have been our first clue) Anyone can do it if they have half a brain, she told us.
Ummm. Yeah. She lied.
After 8 hours...
Eight hours of sewing...
All we had accomplished was the machine threaded, the pattern laid out and cut. The only sewing done, after 8 hours was the top.
We are smart people, the two of us.
But sewing? Ehh. Not so much.
Together we had half a brain. Maybe.
It was not an easy task... It took us a couple of hours just to figure out how to thread the damn thing.
Sewing is not easy. I suck at it. Big time.
So. Knowing this little story about me, imagine my horror when I had the following conversation with Jefe:
Jefe: MB, you need to sew a bunch of patches on Thing 2's scout uniform.
Me: I did. I used that handy-dandy glue stuff you can get at the scout office.
Jefe: Yeah. The patches are coming off. You need to sew them back on.
Me: You mean with the sewing machine?
Jefe: Or some such thing. Yes. You have to sew them.
Me: Do I have to use a needle? Cause, Jefe. Really. I don't do that.
Jefe: Yes. You need to use a needle and preferably thread too. And, it needs to be done today. Pack meeting is tonight and he's getting a bunch more awards... that you will have to sew on. With a needle and thread. Ummkay??!