Three little words

Last night I heard the three little words that every mother dreads hearing. Right after they were spewed, I felt my heart break into a million little pieces.

I hate you.

Such simple words, I hate you, and yet so powerful. Just as quickly as I heard my child scream those dreaded words at me, I remembered all the times I had done the same thing to my parents. And I was ashamed.

I said I hate you… all because they wanted me in at a certain time. I hate you… just because my parents wanted me to do my homework. I hate you… because they were worried about the choices I was making. I hate you. Those are ugly words.

I promptly called my parents to apologize to them for all the times I had said that to them. I cried. I cried hard. My Dad was kind. I said I was so sorry, because I just didn't realize then how bad those words hurt… he chuckled and said "That's part of growing up. It does hurt. It hurts really badly. But, it will all be OK."

Everything came full circle for me. All those times they "made" me do stupid stuff… it wasn't for anyone's benefit but mine. They had my very best interests at heart. They just wanted me to grow up to be a happy, successful and well adjusted adult. I want the same. Hearing those words come from the person that I have nurtured and cared for… that person whom I have prayed for… it cut me to the very core.

I love this child. I want the absolute very best for her. I am not imposing my rules to be sadistic or mean… it's simply to help her to grow and become the person that I know she can become. It seems that she is just slipping through my fingers... all the time slipping through my fingers. It seems that she is just beyond my reach. I know this is the plan, that is life. But, it doesn't mean that I have to like it.

However, suddenly I realized that Yes. In deed it would be OK. Someday, my child would call me and say "Mom, I'm so sorry. I had no idea how much that hurt." Probably right after she hears those dreaded words uttered from her beautiful, precious child. Together we can cry and I can, for certain, tell her: "Yes Baby. It does hurt. It hurts a lot. And further, I know that you love them, and that all you want is for them to be happy, successful, and well adjusted adults. Don't worry, my dear. Everything will be OK."

And you know what? It will.